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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are scared of death

196 replies

Lovinglife786 · 26/09/2016 15:22

I was talking to my grandmother who is terminally ill with breast cancer she has a couple of months left to live it has all happened so quick so it still doesn't feel real,I asked her if she is scared of dying and she said no and I believe her she is the most genuine and honest person you could meet, I admire her so much if it was me I would be terrified I just can't get my head around how calm she is,I just wondered how many people are scared of death aibu to ask

OP posts:
PageStillNotFound404 · 26/09/2016 15:46

I'm not scared of my death.

I do worry about the death of my loved ones, especially DH who is older than me and in poor health.

I'm sorry to hear of your grandmother's illness, OP. Flowers to you and to all other posters who have suffered the bereavement of close relatives.

Believeitornot · 26/09/2016 15:47

As I get older I am scared because I don't want to leave my DCs as they're still young. My mum lost her mum at age 4 and her father disappeared off the scene. It really messed her up.

A lot of family died when I was young.

But as the DCs get older I think I'll be ok. It's just getting them to adulthood.

albertcampionscat · 26/09/2016 15:47

Either there's an afterlife, and you won't really be dead or there isn't and you won't be there to mind.

weeblueberry · 26/09/2016 15:51

No I'm not scared of dying. But as some others have said I am scared of leaving my children motherless.

NapQueen · 26/09/2016 15:54

I'm not scared of death. I am terrified of the thought of knowing I have a set amount of time left and torturing myself with everything I will miss out on after I go.

The thought of my children loosing a parent young makes me sad as I'd never want to inflict any pain on them. Whichever one of dh or I it is.

imwithspud · 26/09/2016 15:56

No, I am more scared of leaving my dc and other loved ones behind.

Heidi41 · 26/09/2016 15:56

I used to be terrified my every waking thought was dreading death and yet as we age I think a natural calm comes over us and we become very accepting. I don't fear it at all now and like a poster said earlier sometimes I think I would welcome it ....I think mother nature helps us adapt as we get older .

Butterfingering · 26/09/2016 15:57

Imperial No, he's not ill at all. He's healthy and fit. I just worry. It's irrational but I have no idea how to get over it.

Rachel0Greep · 26/09/2016 15:57

No, I don't think I am. I want to live many more years but I have seen people close to me die, and they were not afraid.

cjt110 · 26/09/2016 15:59

Im scared of my Mum dying. She has been my one constant in life. I'm scared of those around dying and me being alone.

Im married with a husband and son and I'm not scared of leaving them though.

IminaPickle · 26/09/2016 16:00

minmooch Flowers
Are you able to talk to anyone in real life about your lovely Will?

cjt110 · 26/09/2016 16:00

My post sounds rather obscure reading back other people's about leaving their children....

wasonthelist · 26/09/2016 16:00

Terrified of it.

MotherofPearl · 26/09/2016 16:07

Same as Binky and List. Absolutely terrified. If I allow myself to properly think about I feel like I'm going to pass out with fear.

LurkingHusband · 26/09/2016 16:10

I'm not scared of dying, I'd just rather not be there when it happens ....

weebarra · 26/09/2016 16:12

No, I'm not. I was diagnosed with breast cancer almost three years ago, and went through the whole gamut of treatment. It made me realise that I'm not afraid of death or dying. I am afraid of leaving my children and DH.

Bubblebloodypop · 26/09/2016 16:18

The afterlife or nothing thing doesn't reassure me at all. What if the afterlife is horrible? Or what I'm reincarnated as a pig in a slaughterhouse or something like that. I'm very afraid of it.

JellyBelli · 26/09/2016 16:19

I'm scared of dying painfully, but not scared of death or of being dead, if that makes sense. Your grandmother sounds amazing Smile

justilou · 26/09/2016 16:25

It depends on the circumstances. My Dad died of Motor Neurone Disease, and I suspect that's the worst possible way to go. Mum has emphysema and that's not much better. My grandmother also died a cruel death.... under these circumstances, then yes, I am terrified. If like my husband's grandmother, I am old and tired, but relatively healthy, at peace with my loved ones and my past, then I think that I'all be okay with it. (Really think that there should be an alternative though!!!)

FaFoutis · 26/09/2016 16:26

I've been close and it felt calm and peaceful. I wasn't afraid at all, just accepting of it. This experience has stopped me being afraid of my own death.

Notagainmun · 26/09/2016 16:27

I am scared of dying young, and not being there for my children and grandchildren, but I don't want to be alive that long that I see my children die.

I am a Christian though so I do believe in some type of existence after death.

Yoksha · 26/09/2016 16:27

I'm not afraid of the state of death, just how I arrive to it if that makes sense. I'm 60 in a few months, & it's something that's been on my mind. I can't quite accept that this is all there is! I don't know now. I spent 32yrs in a cult that promised everlasting life in a paradise earth, yeah right! If you died in "this system faithful" you were guaranteed a resurrection into this paradise earth! I'm no longer in it, so that's me snafu'd then.

I find it hard that me as a person will no longer exist on this planet. That's more scarier than death to me.

MotherofPearl · 26/09/2016 16:31

Lurking Grin
Reminds me of that quote by Woody Allen (I think), who said "People try to reassure me about death by saying 'oh, you'll live on in your work.' I don't want to live on in my work. I want to live on in my apartment, in New York."

MaryLennoxWasAnAspie · 26/09/2016 16:33

Yes. I don't dwell on it, or allow it to take over, but yes, I am scared of death. I find it difficult to get my head round the essential absence of me, IYSWIM, not so much the fear of the unknown as the unknowable. I see it as the survival instinct in action.

But there is one thing that scares me more than death, and that's losing my mind to Alzheimer's or similar.

GiBlues · 26/09/2016 16:34

I'm pretty much the same as Maxwell.
I'm terrified of dying or my loved ones dying to the point where I'm considering going to the dr because it's starting to effect my sleep.
It hasn't helped with my granddad being ill recently and I think it's become even more to the forefront of my mind Sad