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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you are scared of death

196 replies

Lovinglife786 · 26/09/2016 15:22

I was talking to my grandmother who is terminally ill with breast cancer she has a couple of months left to live it has all happened so quick so it still doesn't feel real,I asked her if she is scared of dying and she said no and I believe her she is the most genuine and honest person you could meet, I admire her so much if it was me I would be terrified I just can't get my head around how calm she is,I just wondered how many people are scared of death aibu to ask

OP posts:
anyhue · 26/09/2016 18:13

OP, sorry about your grandmother. That is great that she is not scared, so hopefully everything works out OK.

Personally, I am in good health, and it seems such an abstract thing to think about. I'm not afraid now, but that might change. I'd be concerned about the process of dying (there are many many ways) rather than death itself (there is only one outcome)

limitedperiodonly · 26/09/2016 18:16

I'm only scared of the manner of my dying. My father died of pneumonia following Alzheimer's and I wouldn't wish the terror he felt at his delusions on anyone. But eventually he knew no more so he felt no pain or indignity.

I would like to have a death like my mother's. It was painless and preceded with hours of amusing chat before she fell asleep for the last time.

That doesn't mean that I don't miss her or that she wasn't as mad as hell at having to go.

ShatnersBassoon · 26/09/2016 18:19

I'm not afraid of dying. I'd rather not know it's coming when it does; dropping dead suddenly and painlessly would be ideal. I can't imagine myself being a fighter if I were given a grim diagnosis. I fear suffering more than I fear dying.

Original poster
Lovinglife786 · 26/09/2016 18:30

Death is the only thing guaranteed in life

OP posts:
Holymolymay · 26/09/2016 18:35

I hate the thought of not existing. Yet others seem to find that comforting. I don't understand how.
I hate the thought of an afterlife and ending up in hell. Or trapped as a ghost in purgatory. I don't get how people get comfort from dead relatives floating round the house ( if they believe that). Sounds like a miserable existence.
I hate the thought of being reincarnated but not being with my current family.
Actually the process of dying bothers me less. The after bit lasts much longer. Like others I try hard not to think about it.
I'd be interested in what the medium above actually thinks happens after we die. I was close to my grandmother. I think about her all the time. But I don't sense she's here at all.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 26/09/2016 18:36

I'm terrified of dying. The idea that one day I'll just cease to exist sends me into a bit of a panic. I'm not religious and don't believe in life after death so I imagine it'll be like someone just flicking a switch and it all stops. Also the thought of knowing I'm about to die (say if you've been injured and are bleeding out, or ill and your organs are failing etc) seems scary.

Before I lost my sister death didn't scare me. I'd lost my nana already but she was in her 70s and had lived a full, happy life, and being older I always knew she'd go before me. But seeing my sisters body in the morgue hit me hard and now I can't even think about death without having a panic attack.

Holymolymay · 26/09/2016 18:38

It seems 50/50 between those of us terrified and those ok with it. I envy that.
My MIL says it's just like a nice deep dreamless sleep. But I just don't find that reassuring. Eternity is very long. Actually the thought of eternal life is scary too. It blows my mind.

VikingMuchToAllOurLiking · 26/09/2016 18:41

I nearly died, as someone said above, lost a lot of blood. It was very peaceful, like floating away down a cold dark river. I have no fear of death now, not for myself, but I worry for my son after I am gone.

Coconutty · 26/09/2016 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

megletthesecond · 26/09/2016 18:44

the wee yy, I am more scared of death since my dad died (2010). And he had a 'good' death, in his sixties, family with him in a wonderful hospice.

Holymolymay · 26/09/2016 18:45

But coconutty how can you be sure it's a nice one?!

manandbeast · 26/09/2016 18:50

I'm terrified of losing my son.
I'm terrified of leaving him before he's a grown up.
Even typing these words scares me!!

marvelousdcomics · 26/09/2016 18:50

I'm terrified!! Have been since I was a kid. Stemmed from my grandad dying when I was young. I was so close to him and ever since he died I've been absolutely frightened of death. It's so scary. The thought of not seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, feeling anything again. You just WON'T BE. Every time I think about it (often) I panic so much. I don't know what to do about it, its so overwhelming.

limitedperiodonly · 26/09/2016 18:52

Ceasing to exist doesn't bother me for myself but I don't like to think that happens to my loved ones.

I prefer to think my mum and dad are on an underground train with my various pets and will get back in contact as soon as they surface and get a phone signal.

chewingawasp · 26/09/2016 18:53

I'm undecided at the moment. Have just found out that my cancer has spread. Don't know how long I have left and I don't want to ask. Just taking each day as it comes and not worrying about small things any more.

MotherofPearl · 26/09/2016 18:54

The thought of eternity brings on instant panic attack symptoms. Also just the crushing inevitability of death. No matter what we do, we can't escape it.

Eliza22 · 26/09/2016 18:55

Only for my DS. He's 15 and has asd and crippling OCD and I worry what his life will be like so, I want to be here for HIM. Beyond that, no. I used to work in an "elderly" environment. Lots of people used to say they weren't afraid and that they felt lucky to have lived their life when they did. Meaning... "I wouldn't want to be a teenager (or whatever) these days!

MotherofPearl · 26/09/2016 18:56

Sorry, cross-posted. Wasp Flowers

limitedperiodonly · 26/09/2016 19:09

I've just written a report on near death experiences. As Viking and others have said, they were wholly positive for the people I interviewed and convinced them of life after death. The scientists I spoke to were equally adamant they weren't proof of an afterlife, but the product of a dying brain or altered states of consciousness. However, they said NDE were profound and should be respected because they are as real as any dream and if they make you happy then you are lucky to have them.

manandbeast · 26/09/2016 19:41

Limited - so interesting. When you say "if" they make you happy, are you saying that they make some people unhappy? Or have I misinterpreted?

SirChenjin · 26/09/2016 19:45

Oh Wasp - there are no words Flowers

lostlalaloopsy · 26/09/2016 19:47

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandmother.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. I have 3 young children so now I worry for them is something was to happen to me.

mixety · 26/09/2016 20:09

I am a bit. If I felt 100% sure death was just like pre-birth, ie nothingness with no consciousness, I wouldn't be scared. But part of me is scared that death might not necessarily be like that...just a tiny part of me, but that 1% does give me pause.

I am more scared of pain and suffering than I am of death though. I have never had to cope with real pain or illness...ever, I don't think. Have never given birth, or had any terrible illnesses or physical ailments. I just don't know how I will cope when my luck runs out.

Mummageddon · 26/09/2016 20:10

I'm scared of leaving my young children motherless. I worry about it alot tbh. It was bad enough losing my mother in early adulthood.

mixety · 26/09/2016 20:11

Oh and I am really sorry about your grandmother. It must be so hard to get your head around it. Life and death are relentless and horribly random-feeling sometimes.