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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset that my partner burst dd's balloon as a punishment?

182 replies

TemporarilyLost · 26/09/2016 08:14

I'm fully braced to be told I'm being precious and PFB but it's left me feeling so sorry for her . Last night there were tears and tantrums before bed. Dd, 2yrs almost 3 got angry over a wooden jigsaw and threw a piece against the wall. Dp flipped and told her off. This made her even more het up and so he took her brand new paw patrol balloon from the fair and popped it in front of her. She seemed more cross than sad at the time but this morning the first thing she did when we got up was look in the kitchen bin and say 'balloons in bin, I'm a naughty girl'. It's made me inexplicably sad for her and I'm not sure the punishment really fitted the crime but I want to know before I raise it with Dp whether I'm just being over sensitive.

OP posts:
CharminglyGawky · 26/09/2016 14:04

Poor baby.

Frustration can make me want to throw things when I am very tired, I don't because I am an adult and able to temper my emotions and recognise what is unreasonable. Your DD is 2, she can't regulate her emotions yet and your 'D'P is a bully without empathy for his own child :(

CheesyWeez · 26/09/2016 14:11

Very nasty. He was the one being childish. Fancy breaking something of hers! You'll be fine OP, you say you are not good at discipline, but you are, without knowing it. If you were on your own you would get your daughter to behave - in your own way. You don't need shouting and breaking things to get the behaviour you want. You will find what works for you and your dd. In the puzzle situation I would have scooped her up and started the bedtime routine. Then you could have a talk later about why you shouldn't throw things, and put it away (together?) after her tantrum finished. I would have been very upset about the pooped balloon Sad

MrsMook · 26/09/2016 14:27

This "punishment" was mean and unfair, and not linked to the behaviour. Temporarily removing the toy that has triggered the tantrum is more proportionate.

I've broken up the early stages of Lego models before, but that was in the direct consequence of DS (who is much older) repeatedly refusing to tidy the Lego and was building them instead of tidying. I wouldn't use them or any other toys in an unrelated context.

Good luck getting away from him.

Original poster
TemporarilyLost · 26/09/2016 14:33

For him shouting is discipline (for both of us). He's called her a little twat to her face before and called me a fucking idiot infront of her. I let any name calling slide but not if it's done to or infront of her. That's too far. Children shouted see that.

He gets very stressed and misdirects his feelings. I don't think he means it but he just gets wound up.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/09/2016 14:43

I'm sorry, what??
He shouts to discipline YOU? Who the FUCK does he think he is?! Angry

Get away from the abusive twat. Can't believe he called your DD that, she's TWO!! And calling you that in front of her as well, that's abuse in its own right.

Leave as soon as you can, please.

Thinkingblonde · 26/09/2016 14:44

Does he shout at his boss or call his mates twats or fucking idiots? I very much doubt it.

Gottagetmoving · 26/09/2016 14:49

For him shouting is discipline (for both of us). He's called her a little twat to her face before and called me a fucking idiot infront of her

No it's not discipline for him.... It's aggression and abuse.
I wouldn't live with anyone who called my child a Twat...or if they called me that either. I wouldn't tolerate a man who swore like that in front of a child. I wouldn't care whether he had any redeeming qualities either. He would have to pack in the aggression or leave.

InTheseFlipFlops · 26/09/2016 14:58

He called her a little twat?????!
"I'm sorry darling, did you just call our daughter a little vagina?"

Just what was going through his head?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/09/2016 15:10

Don't minimise his total disrespect OP.
Has he brainwashed you ?
You don't need to live like this, your poor baby.
Do you have close family or friends, whom you could confide in.
Don't shoulder this alone.☹️

JellyBelli · 26/09/2016 15:15

Temporarily
I've explained to dd that Daddy was wrong and next time there's a fair I'll get another Skye balloon for her. She's ok now.

Dont do this. Just quit it. You have now put your daughter in the middle, she is not your ally in a conflict.
Can you see that your family is dysfunctional? You really need to get outside help to sort this out.

Rachel0Greep · 26/09/2016 15:54

Please OP do not allow your child to grow up in this horrible environment.

Original poster
TemporarilyLost · 26/09/2016 16:24

I don't want her to grow up in this environment. I really don't. He's back from work early and just shouted at me to not raise my fucking voice to him in front of dd (he didn't get the irony) because I insisted that we all go to to the playground. I wasn't even shouting Sad. I'm done with this.

OP posts:
tibbawyrots · 26/09/2016 16:31

He is bullying both you and her. Please get your daughter out of this environment as soon as possible before she begins to see this as a normal relationship. Sad

EveOnline2016 · 26/09/2016 16:32

contact women aid they will help you.

Original poster
TemporarilyLost · 26/09/2016 16:49

I'm already in contact but thank you. I only started this thread because I really didn't know if I was overreacting or not. I've had lots of support already and starting a small trickle of Rl people who know parts of the reality.
In this case of the balloon i really didn't know who was being unreasonable so it's good to know I'm not. I wish I hadn't raised it on the phone earlier though now because hes clearly pissed off with me. I apologised immediately when he told me not to raise my fucking voice to him so hopefully we can just forget the stupid balloon thing now.

OP posts:
HateSummer · 26/09/2016 16:56
Sad

I'm glad you are realising this isn't normal and that this isn't the best environment for you to raise your dd. I feel so sad reading this. Please confide in a family member or friend and get out. His "discipline" will only get worse.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/09/2016 18:37

Temp, the sooner this is out in the open, the more support you will have, and the better, and safer, you will feel.
Don't shield this waste of space. Protect your daughters future.

Duckafuck · 26/09/2016 18:45

That's not a punishment, he's lost his temper and been extremely spiteful, YANBU. How can he expect her to control her temper at 2yrs old when he can't as a grown man? Thats just fucking awful, I'd be livid with my DP if he did that to our DD. She now thinks she's 'naughty' but she's not, she's an emotional 2 year old and that's perfectly Ok.

Duckafuck · 26/09/2016 19:01

So you didn't raise your voice (but he did) and you've apologised to him? Oh OP you know how wrong that is don't you? I feel just awful for you and you DD. I hope you can find the strength and resources to LTB as soon as possible. You both deserve so much better.Flowers

ToadsforJustice · 26/09/2016 19:07

He does mean it. It's not just because he is wound up. You may raise your voice if you so wish. You do not need his permission. Never apologise to him. Please run away soon.

bumsexatthebingo · 26/09/2016 19:10

Not read the whole thread. I think that popping a kids balloon as punishment is awful parenting but a teacher was roundly congratulated on here for ripping up a kids certificate who was misbehaving at school so it will be interesting to read the replies.

InTheseFlipFlops · 26/09/2016 19:30

Oh love xxxxx
What a shit bag

SandyY2K · 26/09/2016 19:37

That's incredibly spiteful of him.

But please don't do this below. It's as bad as the man who urinated in his DPs bubble bath to get back at her. Don't do it

Thanks to whoever suggested cleaning the loo with Daddy's toothbrush. I'll consider it!

That's even worse.

gillybeanz · 26/09/2016 19:43

Forget the balloon incident, are you for real apologising to him?

Please, take your child and either kick him out or leave yourself.
if you don't think you deserve better, which you most definitely do.
Your daughter certainly does, do it for her.

WetsTheFinger · 26/09/2016 19:45

Wow, vile cunt. Why are you with him?