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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so upset that my partner burst dd's balloon as a punishment?

182 replies

TemporarilyLost · 26/09/2016 08:14

I'm fully braced to be told I'm being precious and PFB but it's left me feeling so sorry for her . Last night there were tears and tantrums before bed. Dd, 2yrs almost 3 got angry over a wooden jigsaw and threw a piece against the wall. Dp flipped and told her off. This made her even more het up and so he took her brand new paw patrol balloon from the fair and popped it in front of her. She seemed more cross than sad at the time but this morning the first thing she did when we got up was look in the kitchen bin and say 'balloons in bin, I'm a naughty girl'. It's made me inexplicably sad for her and I'm not sure the punishment really fitted the crime but I want to know before I raise it with Dp whether I'm just being over sensitive.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 26/09/2016 08:35

That's so cruel.

I don't know if you've heard about the story line on the archers about a man who abused his wife with, amongst other things, coercive control. He did exactly this ( well he threw a teddy away) and it was so upsetting to listen to. So I can only imagine how upset you and your dd are.

Tiredqueen87 · 26/09/2016 08:35

What an arsehole, I would have kicked off massively at him.
I always think when a parent does things like that they've lost control of an arguement

Liiinoo · 26/09/2016 08:35

It was ridiculous of him to do that. Is he aware how childish he was, effectively throwing a matching tantrum? You two will probably need to talk about it later.

My DHis a lovely man and a great dad but when the DDs were small he was not a good disciplinarian. He was very lax and lenient 99% of the time and then would lose it over a small thing. He never popped a balloon but he would speak to them quite roughly in a way that I thought was inappropriate from an adult to a child. It only happened 3-4 times but in the end we agreed that I would be responsible for telling off/sanctions/punishments.
It wasn't the parenting dynamic I expected but I think the paternal discipline thing did not sit easily with him because he is naturally a very reticent man not used to exerting authority over others. Over the years as we established family rules and rituals he got better at it and he never undermined the rules I established, so while not ideal, it worked for us.

Please don't let DD say she is a naughty girl. Take this chance to reinforce that she is a very good girl who did one naughty thing. Perhaps give her the chance to 'earn' a new balloon?

Rrross1ges · 26/09/2016 08:37

I'd take a pin to his ball sack. He's not a spoiled man child, he's a vindictive little shit.

mrszc · 26/09/2016 08:37

Your DP is a spiteful twunt

MissHooliesCardigan · 26/09/2016 08:38

It would be salvageable for me if he apologised to your DD but I see that's not on the cards.
My DF had a pretty bad temper but he was always genuinely remorseful when he knew he'd gone too far.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/09/2016 08:38

Poor little thing, tell him to get a grip, is he her Daddy ?
If not LTB, things will not improve. 😡

ShouldHaveBeenJess · 26/09/2016 08:40

Incredibly spiteful. My DS, who has ASD, is obsessed with Lego and spends hours building very complicated structures. Occasionally, he will get frustrated with a small piece and have a tantrum. The last time my ex visited, instead of attempting to deal with the tantrum, he swiped all of DS's creations off the table and snapped them in front of him.

I honestly don't know how I didn't kill him. It taught DS nothing and resulted in an even bigger meltdown. Still makes me angry just thinking about it.

MrsJayy · 26/09/2016 08:40

That is a horrible cruel thing to do your poor Dd. What an absolute arsehole he is.

Rrross1ges · 26/09/2016 08:40

Liiinoo I think your far more reasonable and constructive post is spot on. And earning a new balloon is a lovely idea. Maybe she could do a little chore like cleaning the loo with Daddy's toothbrush!

Original poster
TemporarilyLost · 26/09/2016 08:42

Yes he's her Daddy. No we don't have a good relationship and I'm trying to get out. I'm not very good at disciplining her properly so I can't always trust my judgement if I think he's gone too far.

OP posts:
gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 26/09/2016 08:43

Dreadful thing to do. What a horrid dad. I'm sorry.

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 26/09/2016 08:44

It's really nasty. It's ridiculous & horrible.

FWIW - I'm old school, very old school. I grew up in the 70's & I think parenting then was far better for children than parenting today (but that's a whole other thread, please let's not derail this one). HE IS NOT 'OLD SCHOOL' he's simply a nasty bastard.

I really hope your exit plan is well underway & you can get you & your DD out if there soon, really soon, like this week - DEFINITELY this side of Christmas. This is no way for you to live & it's certainly no way for her to grow up. Can we help you with anything?

When you leave (or he goes) go & buy her a replacement balloon! D say buy one today, but it's probably not worth making him angry 🙁

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 26/09/2016 08:47

Gunny. Seriously? FFS

missyB1 · 26/09/2016 08:47

I hope he's ashamed of himself this morning! You need to point out to him how wrong he was and that when a two year old has a tantrum that the adults need to stay calm not join in!

MrsJayy · 26/09/2016 08:48

Punishing/disciplining her would be to pack up her puzzle because she couldnt play nicely with it bursting her ballon is just spiteful. Have faith in your parenting this man might be clouding your judgement and knocking your confidence

diddl · 26/09/2016 08:49

He sounds awful.

That was a really nasty thing to do.

How is he likely to be if you try to talk to him about it?

If you're on your way to leaving him, I'm tempted to say don't rock the boat if he'll get angry.

MrsNuckyThompson · 26/09/2016 08:49

Horrible thing to do to a child!

Having said that this age group is genius at winding parents up and it sounds like he snapped. In the grand scheme of things it is better than screaming at her or worse and she might have learned a lesson!!

Joinourclub · 26/09/2016 08:55

That's a big over reaction to normal toddler behaviour. They are just learning to deal with their emotions. If he breaks something every time she misbehaves he will quickly run out of things to break. He needs to find a more sustainable strategy!

MrsJayy · 26/09/2016 08:55

Really popping a balloon might teach her a lesson it only teaches her that her dad just breaks her stuff for being naughty and she probably didnt understand it was to do with the puzzle just an out of control angry chaotic situation where her paw patrol balloon has burst .

ShouldHaveBeenJess · 26/09/2016 08:56

MrsJayy is spot on. Professionals had spoken about the possibility of autism since my DS was 2.5, and yet my ex repeatedly blamed his meltdowns on my 'lack of discipline '. I too doubted myself, but I refused to give into ex's demands for 'punishments'. I don't regret it. We're much happier now.

BlancheBlue · 26/09/2016 08:56

Yes he's her Daddy. No we don't have a good relationship and I'm trying to get out. I'm not very good at disciplining her properly so I can't always trust my judgement if I think he's gone too far

Yes, the balloon popping was spiteful, normal punishment as pp would have said would have been to put puzzle away/bed.

Probably not relevant as you want to get out, but could be confusing for your DD if there is different "standards" of discipline/punishments between you and her dad? I would say talk and agree on common expectation and punishments but of course difficult if the relationship has other problems anyway.

Original poster
TemporarilyLost · 26/09/2016 08:58

bitout I've never been an archers fan but I heard about the storyline on here. Sounds horrible.

Thanks to whoever suggested cleaning the loo with Daddy's toothbrush. I'll consider it!

gingerbread I've had so much help already, on here and in real life. I just need to take the plunge now.

OP posts:
lostoldlogin2 · 26/09/2016 08:59

I'd be furious and be very seriously considering what kind of man he was.

Purplebluebird · 26/09/2016 08:59

That's horrible!! I mean, why would he think that's a good way to discipline? That's just not very nice at all.