DP locked me out of the house. AIBU to leave him?

[Coffeeisnotmyfriend]

Last night DP and I were out celebrating his friend's birthday. Half way through the night some of the group including DP decided to go to a nearby bar while the rest of us stayed where we were.

When I got home at about 2, DP had locked me out by accident. He knew I had no keys but was so pissed he forgot.

Luckily I was able to call a friend, and ended up on the sofa for the night.

The next morning, the house was in darkness- DP didn't get up until about 11, by that point I and a neighbour were considering breaking down the door

His attitude was appalling imo. Anything could have happened to me but instead of being apologetic, he got angry and refused to speak to me until tea time, when he asked what was for dinner.

I am furious. This is the latest in a long line of things that have caused me to doubt our relationship.

He still goes out partying and drinking with the same friends he has known all his life. He drinks to the point where he cannot stand and wets himself. It's a big group and they are all marrying, getting engaged so lots of nights out. They are in their early 30s I am mid 20s

I try to talk to him about it but he gets angry and shuts off. He can't just have a couple of drinks, he has to get utterly fucked

I have to drive everywhere because I don't trust him to drive. I don't feel safe in the car with him.
Financially I think I am the higher earner but I don't actually know. He pays for the TV and half the rent. I pay everything else and the car is in my name. He always has plenty of money for things he wants though.

I do all the housework and most of the cooking. We have been living together for three years and he is yet to clean the bathroom

I would like to be more financially stable but he thinks there is no point buying a house when you can rent one. Though he is currently saving to go on am expensive gambling holiday.

Our sex life is shit, we've had sex once in two months, however he will go upstairs and masterbate loudly to porn.

I'm trying to think of good stuff, but now I have written down all of the above, it's hard to remember any. He used to be very romantic and thoughtful over gifts etc. We have had some fab holidays together.

The thing is, he is now saying he wants children. We are engaged but had decided to wait a good few years to marry and I still feel too young to have children.

Sorry that this is a long post, my friend is a regular member of mumsnet and she suggested I should post here

Many years ago my then DP did this to me.
I broke down the back door to get in as we had left for a night out with just one set of keys.
He did this on purpose OP ( your DP) Please don't give him another chance because life is too short and there are millions of lovely guys out there worthy of you.
This bloke will eventually do your head in.

You already have one friend who clearly seems supportive. A way to make more friends would be a houseshare near your job. Try spareroom.com a lot more people in yhier mid 20s houseshare now. You would be making friends and saving money.

I am really glad you did decide to post.

I would pack all my things up ready to go, and tell him that the last few months have highlighted to you just how different the two of you are. If you think you're safer to- tell him you're going to move out for space to think through what you want (to get the physical leaving more easy) and then as soon as you're gone, send him one last text to say this is absolutely what you want and you're blocking his number.

Good luck

I remember when my ex got so drunk he pissed the bed. I woke up covered in wee, it was the middle of the night, I couldn't shower because of how loud it would be so all I could do was lay a towel down and sleep in his piss all night.
I will never get over the shame.
He was mentally abusive and I didn't even realise at the time.

Please leave now it will only get worse and the problem is people like that chip away slowly so you don't even realise how shit and abusive it has become until it's too late and you have lost all of your self esteem.

This isn't what you want your life to look like. Glad to see you are planning to leave, best of luck you will find someone so much better, don't doubt that.

You would be unreasonable to stay with him. I can't stand it when people get so utterly drunk.

He doesn't clean up.
Sex life is crap

Just be done and end it. You're wasting your time with an immature man.

Get. Out.

You don't owe him an explanation. You don't owe him anything. You will make new friends (and you'll probably find that some of his friends aren't in any way surprised that you leave him, and probably say what took you so long).

This man has the potential to ruin your life. Please get out and don't look back. It won't be remotely as hard as you think. You'll be free.

You rent and you are in a horrible relationship with an alcoholic man child.

Ditch him quick and run for the hills. Give notice on the flat. Move closer to your work or family.

It might feel like a lot to do but your life free from this man is going to taste so sweet.

This is who he is. There is no happy future with him and you know that.

as per the song:
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover...

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

You don't need to argue with him.

Cancel what you need to cancel to sync up with your freedom day.

Get paid - walk.
He sounds vile.

I doubt he will be bothered to try and make contact with you.

Oooh my very first: LTB!!!

Run fast, run far!

He is not your happy ending.

Sorry had to pile in- run, run for the hills, you owe him nothing whatsoever, you don't need to talk about why you want to leave you just say 'I'm going to move out'

End of. Best of luck

Just to add as well - that kind of behaviour, about not worrying about you and not apologising and then on top of that, not speaking to you till tea time- if that's the norm, that's deeply unkind, stagerringly selfish and very possibly emotional abuse. Kick this loser to the kerb!!

You will never meet a truly decent guy until you get rid of the crap guy you're with now.

Organise your pets.
Find a room.
Pack your stuff.
Leave.

If you must talk to him, arran a meeting in a public place, after you're out. Tell him that things simply didn't work out for you, and no, he can't make it better or change things. Then go.

Abusive bastards have to be charming sometimes or no one would stay with them; they only become really nasty when they think they've got you well and truly tied to them, eg, child, no job, family far away, all friends are really their friends etc.

Think yourself lucky that you've had enough warning to go before you got more entangled.

You'll be fine.

You know you have to leave, OP. Even if it's not immediately, you have to make plans to leave. You can't seriously inflict this on yourself for the rest of your life, let alone potential children. You have to have children with someone you actually like, for it to have a chance of being successful.

As an aside, why are people so proud of saying this is their first LTB? As if to suggest that behaviour short of this is reason to stay?

The OP should LTB based on a quarter of the shit he is dealing out, let alone what she is actually putting up with, day-to-day.

OMG he sounds like a right charmer. Please do NOT marry him,much less have kids with him. Here we go - LTB. My first one.

Run.

Another LTB.
You have time to find love and happiness
You certainly deserve a life with respect and support.

I love and am mostly happy with my husband of three years. But since we married and had a child, after three years living together as gf&bf, he has become less domesticated, never cooks, seldom cleans, only shops when I tell him etc etc.

Your partner is already crap. He can only get worse.

Leave.
Get a house share near work.
Be single for a while and build up you interests, confidence and appetite for fun.
You have no idea what will come of that.
But the alternative is predictably crap

Another LTB. Rooting for you OP - you deserve a happy life, and this doesn't sound like anything that resembles a happy life. Your Mumsnet friend might be able to help you - even if she can't put you up, she might be able to take some of your stuff for a while/look after the pets until you are settled elsewhere?

I read your OP and the description of your partner made me think he sounds gross. My first LTB too. You can do so much better.

If you've one thing that can't stand and wets himself, don't get yourself stuck with another.

Wtaf? Leave!!!! Leave now, leave kicking your heels together and dancing. Skip out that door and don't go back. Cook the douchebag a last supper of sugar and shit then leave with a troupe of trumpeters fanfaring behind you. FfS, leave!

Oh dear. You really do need to leave. Could you go home to your family? Are they any closer to your job? I'm thinking of your pets too. He sounds awful and you really deserve better. You're so young and should be having so much fun in your 20's.