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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP locked me out of the house. AIBU to leave him?

295 replies

Coffeeisnotmyfriend · 25/09/2016 19:51

Last night DP and I were out celebrating his friend's birthday. Half way through the night some of the group including DP decided to go to a nearby bar while the rest of us stayed where we were.

When I got home at about 2, DP had locked me out by accident. He knew I had no keys but was so pissed he forgot.

Luckily I was able to call a friend, and ended up on the sofa for the night.

The next morning, the house was in darkness- DP didn't get up until about 11, by that point I and a neighbour were considering breaking down the door

His attitude was appalling imo. Anything could have happened to me but instead of being apologetic, he got angry and refused to speak to me until tea time, when he asked what was for dinner.

I am furious. This is the latest in a long line of things that have caused me to doubt our relationship.

He still goes out partying and drinking with the same friends he has known all his life. He drinks to the point where he cannot stand and wets himself. It's a big group and they are all marrying, getting engaged so lots of nights out. They are in their early 30s I am mid 20s

I try to talk to him about it but he gets angry and shuts off. He can't just have a couple of drinks, he has to get utterly fucked

I have to drive everywhere because I don't trust him to drive. I don't feel safe in the car with him.
Financially I think I am the higher earner but I don't actually know. He pays for the TV and half the rent. I pay everything else and the car is in my name. He always has plenty of money for things he wants though.

I do all the housework and most of the cooking. We have been living together for three years and he is yet to clean the bathroom

I would like to be more financially stable but he thinks there is no point buying a house when you can rent one. Though he is currently saving to go on am expensive gambling holiday.

Our sex life is shit, we've had sex once in two months, however he will go upstairs and masterbate loudly to porn.

I'm trying to think of good stuff, but now I have written down all of the above, it's hard to remember any. He used to be very romantic and thoughtful over gifts etc. We have had some fab holidays together.

The thing is, he is now saying he wants children. We are engaged but had decided to wait a good few years to marry and I still feel too young to have children.

Sorry that this is a long post, my friend is a regular member of mumsnet and she suggested I should post here

OP posts:
Schmoozer · 27/09/2016 22:21

So happy to hear you and your pets are out ! Wow ! Well done, and very best wishes for the future x

DilapidatedGlamourpuss · 28/09/2016 00:17

Good for you OP, really pleased for you. I hope the next chapter of your life brings you (and your pets) much happiness x

ConvincingLiar · 28/09/2016 07:37

Great news. Enjoy your new life!

Champagneformyrealfriends · 28/09/2016 07:39

Coffee Flowers

Good for you. Here's to new beginnings! Wine

Aeroflotgirl · 28/09/2016 07:45

Well done you, here to new beginnings 💐💐💐💐

TequilaBlockingBird · 28/09/2016 07:48

Your life is about to get so much better!

SpaceDinosaur · 28/09/2016 07:50

LEAVE. You are worth so so much more than this.

Worst case. You have children. They grow up learning his behaviours and treatment of you and the cycle continues.

maras2 · 28/09/2016 08:08

She has left.

sexyfish · 28/09/2016 10:01

Fantastic news! You have 100% made the right decision.

EmNetta · 28/09/2016 10:35

So pleased to hear you're out from under, and sending best wishes for the next stage of your life. Good for you.

BeMorePanda · 28/09/2016 13:01

Yay OP!

OliviaStabler · 28/09/2016 13:09

Good luck Flowers

SpartaCarcass · 28/09/2016 18:51

Oh you beauty!!! Well done. I hope you have a wonderful life now and realise how lucky you are to escape. Really, really pleased for you!

MyPeriodFeatures · 28/09/2016 23:46

Hooray!! Enjoy every minute - apart from the shit bits - then have cake and friends and dance and say fuck a lot. You'll be better than okay xx

Joanna0685 · 01/10/2016 16:27

Don't have children with him for at least 5 years if ever.

Tell him to stop masturbating to porn where you can hear it, if he does home alone or in the shower ok.

Why do you feel you have to move, just because he has family and friends in the area doesn't mean you have to move if you want to stay there. Get a rental if you split up give it 6 months and see if you want to stay in the area, you might find you have some good friends there.

NameChange30 · 01/10/2016 17:25

Weird advice, did you RTFT or the OP's posts at least?

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 01/10/2016 19:03

I don't think I could just leave a note and go, I would rather talk it through even though I'm pretty sure I'm going to leave.

If there was a moment where you thought wrong it's this one. Fuck the gobshite who believes it's OK to get pissed on a regular basis, lock you out and then sulk. Grow the balls he lacks. This isn't the 19th century. You have no children. Leave him ASAP.

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 01/10/2016 19:05

Ah, just saw the update. Well done! Enjoy your life!

mysistersimone · 01/10/2016 19:41

Hey, so pleased you're leaving. My marriage is like this, I've finally woken up to things and I'm scared of the change but I'm putting plans into place and squirelling away money. No masturbation, but no sex for 3 years. Yes to drinking problem, got into fights, wet himself, wet the bed, vomited so horrifically on my daughter's bed we had to replace it. Screamed at me infront of people, told me to fuck off at a wedding reception while I stood there holding my baby and the hand of my 2 year old. Smashed his face and petrified the kids one was almost sick. Fell on a female friend and broke her ribs. Got us further and further into debt spending it on fags, booze and junk food. Come in pissed and picked up the kids. Dipped into the savings and then had the audacity to call me the fun police to the kids. Reading your post has made me feel sick. It's a sudden realisation how much I've put up to, he even stayed up with his family getting pissed rather than go to bed with me. That would have been your future. Be careful, even if he does seem rational. Contact Royal Mail and redirect your post as a priority. You got out early, well done.

mysistersimone · 01/10/2016 19:42

Should have been stayed up getting pissed on our wedding day

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