DP locked me out of the house. AIBU to leave him?

[Coffeeisnotmyfriend]

Last night DP and I were out celebrating his friend's birthday. Half way through the night some of the group including DP decided to go to a nearby bar while the rest of us stayed where we were.

When I got home at about 2, DP had locked me out by accident. He knew I had no keys but was so pissed he forgot.

Luckily I was able to call a friend, and ended up on the sofa for the night.

The next morning, the house was in darkness- DP didn't get up until about 11, by that point I and a neighbour were considering breaking down the door

His attitude was appalling imo. Anything could have happened to me but instead of being apologetic, he got angry and refused to speak to me until tea time, when he asked what was for dinner.

I am furious. This is the latest in a long line of things that have caused me to doubt our relationship.

He still goes out partying and drinking with the same friends he has known all his life. He drinks to the point where he cannot stand and wets himself. It's a big group and they are all marrying, getting engaged so lots of nights out. They are in their early 30s I am mid 20s

I try to talk to him about it but he gets angry and shuts off. He can't just have a couple of drinks, he has to get utterly fucked

I have to drive everywhere because I don't trust him to drive. I don't feel safe in the car with him.
Financially I think I am the higher earner but I don't actually know. He pays for the TV and half the rent. I pay everything else and the car is in my name. He always has plenty of money for things he wants though.

I do all the housework and most of the cooking. We have been living together for three years and he is yet to clean the bathroom

I would like to be more financially stable but he thinks there is no point buying a house when you can rent one. Though he is currently saving to go on am expensive gambling holiday.

Our sex life is shit, we've had sex once in two months, however he will go upstairs and masterbate loudly to porn.

I'm trying to think of good stuff, but now I have written down all of the above, it's hard to remember any. He used to be very romantic and thoughtful over gifts etc. We have had some fab holidays together.

The thing is, he is now saying he wants children. We are engaged but had decided to wait a good few years to marry and I still feel too young to have children.

Sorry that this is a long post, my friend is a regular member of mumsnet and she suggested I should post here

Do you really think it is a good idea to stay because he will get so nasty if you leave? Would you inflict this man on your children? Really?
you have a chance to put a stop to all htis now. Call Womens Aid. They can help you leave.

0808 2000 247

www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=CLTFlMWzgs8CFQaNGwod4qgDMQ

Your friend is wise. She knew what MN would tell you.

Leave. Sit down with him and say you are not happy in this relationship, you feel you have both grown apart and you want to move on with your life. Job done.

Please! LTB!! You have your life ahead of you. Don't waste it on this piece of shit!
Think how much more you will love your kids than your pets - would you really want them to know him as 'dad'???

Get out! Don't delay. You're worth so much more than this. Go on sparerooms.com

Leave him! Get yourself sorted over the next few days, make sure he can't get you pregnant and find a room to to rent somewhere until you now what's happening with work.

You know you need to leave. Doing it won't be as hard as you think and will make you stronger. Doing something for your own happiness is incredibly liberating. Your life will be positive, rewarding and exciting. Go you!

Not to be dramatic, but if you do sit down for a talk with him it might be an idea to have someone nearby on speed dial ready and waiting when you do. Even if he takes it like a grown up (unlikely given what you've told us) it'll be good to have a hug from someone who can reassure you you've absolutely done the right thing.

Start listing all the thugs your new life could bring that you can't see happening for yourself if you stay in this dead end, toxic relationship. It'll give you the resolve you need.

The very best of luck to you OP.

Call women's aid, hide his thread, get advice.

Do not have children with this man, buy a house with him, marry him or have unprotected sex with him.

Not with a man you cannot trust to drive you anywhere, you cannot trust not to lock you out or not wet himself when drunk.

I've not read all your comments but what I have seen has made me feel very worried for you. He sounds awful.

Things, not thugs! Jeeze what a typo!

Sounds like a winner

He's a self-hating loser. Don't be dragged down any further by him. Go. Change your phone number. Don't look back.

Blimey, I don't think I have ever said LTB on here, but I say it now.

Go. You have no ties to him. There are no children and not even any formal tenancy agreement keeping you. GO!! It may never again be this easy so just do it.

He is a piss head. He locked you out and couldn't have cared less, then expected you to cook his dinner (I hope you didn't, but suspect you might have).

He likes to get so drunk that he just pisses his pants rather than going to the toilet.

He wanks loudly to porn.

All of those are disgusting. He is disgusting. He has nothing whatsoever to recommend him.

Kick Mr. Pissy-Pants into the long grass. I absolutely know I could never live with that. No need to provoke an argument. Just tell him you are going, load up your car and DO IT. Start checking out alternative accommodation nearer to your work this week, as a matter of urgency. If something is vacant you could move in immediately. There really is nothing stopping you.

Please,please, please leave this guy.
I was you 13yrs ago, we got together in my late teens he was the local heartthrob who was known by everyone and my identity was tied up in who he was and quite often people only knew me as X's girlfriend. I'm guessing my upbringing had something to do with why my self confidence was so low that I didn't believe I deserved better, God knows. He used to wet the bed, pay 1/4 of our bills and do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. I ended up 22 and pregnant, he had always wanted children. From day one of my pregnancy to the day my son was 6months old, he was sober once. I had to drive myself to hospital in labour. He spent the next six months as a fully functioning drunk. I finally found the strength to tell him he had pushed me too far and that I didn't love him. I implore you to do the same before you have to share your future children's lives with this piece of shit. Make plans to get out and do it!

Just the pissing himself in his 30's would be enough to LTB for me.

But if you need more reason: there have been a few threads here recently by women left holding the babies while their partners go off boozing with mates into the early hours, or don't bother to come home at all. You are literally lining up for this treatment if you have children with him.

You are so young - go off and enjoy it

Just go OP

Oh god, and the infrequent sex / wanking loudly to porn. Ugh. Get out of there and live your life.

Just go, it isn't worth talking to him. Pack up and run

You'd be unreasonable to stay. Read your post again. Imagine showing it to your children - "That's your Daddy..!".
Get out ASAP!

He's selfish and an alcoholic selfish arse with it.

I understand it's hard to leave and how much of you (right now) is bound up in him. But go now - I absolutely promise you that you will regret it - and probably end up leaving many years from now in anycase - if you don't. He can't control what he drinks, he's in no position to care or protect you when he does, and afterwards somehow he ends up blaming and being angry at you with no signs of remorse.

Just for a minute imagine that this is your day after bring home all evening worrying and caring for your 6 month old baby, having given up work to care for your baby.

Doesn't bear thinking about does it? As other posters have said, leave now.

Off you go love!
Or do what I did, stay, get pregnant by accident and end up shackled to himforever.
No kids, you should go

Why are you still with him?!?!?!

Leave. Take your stuff and go and don't look back.

You're so young. I don't mean that to sound patronising. But seriously, do you want to waste even one more minute of your life on this utter loser?

Just tell him that you have decided you no longer want to be in a relationship with him. That's all you need to say. He may beg and plead, make promises to change, etc. but take this opportunity to assert yourself and just tell him you are ready to call time on the relationship. You are actually in a great position to do that: no children, no financial entanglements, nothing to hold you back.

You deserve so much better. Don't settle for this miserable existence!

Ye gods, he sounds beyond vile. LTB, and do it soon. You owe it to yourself to have a better life than this!

I suspect he was pissed off and locked you out because you stayed where you wanted, instead of being a 'good girly' and following him to where he meandered off to. Do you not have your own set of keys? (apologies if this has already been discussed).

Imagine waking up to tend to a night feed or nappy change. In a wet, piss soaked bed.

You deserve much, much better.

Well the no tenancy thing is fantastic... You can cancel everything.. THe boradband..Ask them to suspend your account until you find a new address. or if not tied in simply cancel..

Would your Lovely MN friend or any other put you up till you can get sorted? If so walk now... Leave him with nothing to wank over with no wifi.

He drinks to the point where he wets himself? And only broke his mood to ask what was for tea? Leave, now, before he takes the last of your self respect.