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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP locked me out of the house. AIBU to leave him?

295 replies

Coffeeisnotmyfriend · 25/09/2016 19:51

Last night DP and I were out celebrating his friend's birthday. Half way through the night some of the group including DP decided to go to a nearby bar while the rest of us stayed where we were.

When I got home at about 2, DP had locked me out by accident. He knew I had no keys but was so pissed he forgot.

Luckily I was able to call a friend, and ended up on the sofa for the night.

The next morning, the house was in darkness- DP didn't get up until about 11, by that point I and a neighbour were considering breaking down the door

His attitude was appalling imo. Anything could have happened to me but instead of being apologetic, he got angry and refused to speak to me until tea time, when he asked what was for dinner.

I am furious. This is the latest in a long line of things that have caused me to doubt our relationship.

He still goes out partying and drinking with the same friends he has known all his life. He drinks to the point where he cannot stand and wets himself. It's a big group and they are all marrying, getting engaged so lots of nights out. They are in their early 30s I am mid 20s

I try to talk to him about it but he gets angry and shuts off. He can't just have a couple of drinks, he has to get utterly fucked

I have to drive everywhere because I don't trust him to drive. I don't feel safe in the car with him.
Financially I think I am the higher earner but I don't actually know. He pays for the TV and half the rent. I pay everything else and the car is in my name. He always has plenty of money for things he wants though.

I do all the housework and most of the cooking. We have been living together for three years and he is yet to clean the bathroom

I would like to be more financially stable but he thinks there is no point buying a house when you can rent one. Though he is currently saving to go on am expensive gambling holiday.

Our sex life is shit, we've had sex once in two months, however he will go upstairs and masterbate loudly to porn.

I'm trying to think of good stuff, but now I have written down all of the above, it's hard to remember any. He used to be very romantic and thoughtful over gifts etc. We have had some fab holidays together.

The thing is, he is now saying he wants children. We are engaged but had decided to wait a good few years to marry and I still feel too young to have children.

Sorry that this is a long post, my friend is a regular member of mumsnet and she suggested I should post here

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 25/09/2016 19:59

Sounds miserable. Does he look like George Clooney with a solid gold knob? No? Leave while you still can. No kids, no shared assets.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 25/09/2016 19:59

Run for the hills ..... 💐

LineyReborn · 25/09/2016 19:59

So many of these unbelievable threads on here lately.

How sad.

pinkyredrose · 25/09/2016 20:00

Well he's a cunt isn't he?! Why waste your life getting treated like this?

MephistoMarley · 25/09/2016 20:00

Why not move closer to work then? If you don't have ties in the area apart from him what is stopping you?

bloodyteenagers · 25/09/2016 20:00

You really want to spent the rest of your life with a man that pisses himself because he is too fucking lazy to go to the toilet?
That sulks and ignores you until he realizes oh fuck who is going to feed me?
Fuck that. Leave him to his disgusting ways and find someone decent.

alfagirl73 · 25/09/2016 20:01

Read your post back... I think you've pretty much answered all your own questions.

This isn't a good relationship - if you're this unhappy at this point before you're married - think what years of this would be like?!

You get one life; you deserve to spend it with someone who loves you, appreciates you and who makes you happy.

Fleekorunique · 25/09/2016 20:02

YANBU

MothersGrim · 25/09/2016 20:02

He gets angry and won't talk through his problems
He is mean with his money
He is mean with his time
He regularly pissed himself
He won't share chores
He won't share bills
He won't share his sex life.

LTB.

pinkyredrose · 25/09/2016 20:02

He doesn't cummunicate well at all your relationship is fucked and it will always be fucked.

Hassled · 25/09/2016 20:03

You're young, you have no commitments - you can move wherever you want. It doesn't have to be back to your hometown or nearer work if that feels like a backwards step - where would you like to live? If he's geographically close to friends/family he can move out, and you can spend the next couple of months finding your dream job in your dream place.

CousinCharlotte · 25/09/2016 20:04

Sounds like a shit relationship, everything on his terms and a piss head to boot. If I were you I'd look for accommodation closer to your work. Don't have kids with him, it will be a nightmare.

george1020 · 25/09/2016 20:04

He sounds utterly horrible why on earth would you contemplate marrying or having children with him????
What a filthy bastard, pissing himself after drinking. How could you bring yourself to have sex with him anyway he sounds vile.

BarbarianMum · 25/09/2016 20:04

The hills are that way >>>

Go find your real life.

RattieOfCatan · 25/09/2016 20:06

LTB. Move closer to where you work and start again, easier said than done but it's doable and worth it, he's a twat!

ToastDemon · 25/09/2016 20:07

Oh my word... leave.
How lucky you are to be young, no legal ties to him and no children.
A lifetime of happiness awaits you beyond this loser.

Landoni112 · 25/09/2016 20:07

Run run run!

Mid-twenties? Don't waste another second with this arsehole, they don't change.

gamerchick · 25/09/2016 20:08

He wants to pin you down with babies? Nah man time to bail.

boo2410 · 25/09/2016 20:08

Leave NOW. I once lived with an alcoholic, it is no joke and believe me it will get worse. Please don't kid yourself that it will get better. It really won't. It won't be long before you find empty beer cans hidden in all sorts of places, I've been there. You are young, plenty of time to build a new life with a decent man and have a family. Please run away now. Best of luck.

JennyHolzersGhost · 25/09/2016 20:09

So you have a long commute and wouldn't want to stay in the area anyway ? Sounds like the perfect reason to move nearer to work. And if you've got no kids and don't own the property jointly then it should be pretty easy to disentangle yourself. I'd crack on with it tbh.

gamerchick · 25/09/2016 20:09

You'll look back on him in time in a wtf was I thinking way with the person you will have a much better life with. Let him become that story.

justilou · 25/09/2016 20:10

Can't believe you have to ask.... surely you'd be happier single than lonely in a relationship with this fool.... Put your ring on his key ring and run.

SianiMoomin · 25/09/2016 20:10

Run and never look back!!

I was in a relationship that sounds almost identical. I thought it was normal, he'd done such a number on me. After 3 years I finally realized how unhappy I was and how it would never improve, only get worse.

Within days, it was like a weight had been lifted. Within a year I was married to a wonderful man who treats me with kindness and generosity and pulls his weight. We are equals.

Seriously, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Can you see yourself being happy and old and retired with this man?

HyacinthFuckit · 25/09/2016 20:11

Walk. And don't worry about moving. Go near work or near your family. There is nothing to keep you in this relationship, nothing worth staying for, and you're very young still.

neonrainbow · 25/09/2016 20:11

Of course he's nice sometimes, if he was a twat all the time you wouldn't stick around. Don't waste the rest of your twenties with him. Go be young free and single. Wouldn't life be more pleasant without him?

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