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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP locked me out of the house. AIBU to leave him?

295 replies

Coffeeisnotmyfriend · 25/09/2016 19:51

Last night DP and I were out celebrating his friend's birthday. Half way through the night some of the group including DP decided to go to a nearby bar while the rest of us stayed where we were.

When I got home at about 2, DP had locked me out by accident. He knew I had no keys but was so pissed he forgot.

Luckily I was able to call a friend, and ended up on the sofa for the night.

The next morning, the house was in darkness- DP didn't get up until about 11, by that point I and a neighbour were considering breaking down the door

His attitude was appalling imo. Anything could have happened to me but instead of being apologetic, he got angry and refused to speak to me until tea time, when he asked what was for dinner.

I am furious. This is the latest in a long line of things that have caused me to doubt our relationship.

He still goes out partying and drinking with the same friends he has known all his life. He drinks to the point where he cannot stand and wets himself. It's a big group and they are all marrying, getting engaged so lots of nights out. They are in their early 30s I am mid 20s

I try to talk to him about it but he gets angry and shuts off. He can't just have a couple of drinks, he has to get utterly fucked

I have to drive everywhere because I don't trust him to drive. I don't feel safe in the car with him.
Financially I think I am the higher earner but I don't actually know. He pays for the TV and half the rent. I pay everything else and the car is in my name. He always has plenty of money for things he wants though.

I do all the housework and most of the cooking. We have been living together for three years and he is yet to clean the bathroom

I would like to be more financially stable but he thinks there is no point buying a house when you can rent one. Though he is currently saving to go on am expensive gambling holiday.

Our sex life is shit, we've had sex once in two months, however he will go upstairs and masterbate loudly to porn.

I'm trying to think of good stuff, but now I have written down all of the above, it's hard to remember any. He used to be very romantic and thoughtful over gifts etc. We have had some fab holidays together.

The thing is, he is now saying he wants children. We are engaged but had decided to wait a good few years to marry and I still feel too young to have children.

Sorry that this is a long post, my friend is a regular member of mumsnet and she suggested I should post here

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 27/09/2016 19:17

Well done you!! Your life is going to get so much better! One day this will make an awesome story for when you're laughing with your friends about terrible ex boyfriends whilst your children play oblivious on the floor and your handsome actual husband does the washing up in the kitchen.

Flowers
LittleDittyAbout · 27/09/2016 19:20

You'll blossom now. Best of luck.

Naicehamshop · 27/09/2016 19:24

Well done - stay strong. The rest of your life awaits. Flowers

DotForShort · 27/09/2016 19:28

What a wonderful update. Cheering you on!

buttercup54321 · 27/09/2016 19:29

Leave him and move away. Then find a decent man who will be a caring partner and a great dad. Good luck xx

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 27/09/2016 19:31

Yay!

Memoires · 27/09/2016 19:32

Splendid! Well done you, Coffee.

AGenie · 27/09/2016 19:36

I usually believe strongly in working on relationships, but this man sounds like an utter disaster zone. Please move on and find something better. You won't regret it.

Iheartpedro · 27/09/2016 19:40

Well done coffee! You will look back in years to come and be so relieved you got out!

Atenco · 27/09/2016 19:41

Well done you

DeadGood · 27/09/2016 19:44

So pleased to hear this. You will be so happy once you're over the initial shock/change. Well done x

ijustwannadance · 27/09/2016 19:46

Great news. You will be fine.

mum2Bomg · 27/09/2016 19:58

I'm so happy for you I hope you are feeling ok X please let us know how you get on x sounds silly but you've been in my thoughts a bit and I hope it went ok X

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 27/09/2016 20:01

Well done OP. This is the first day of the rest of your life, and it will be so much better for having ditched that awful guy. You and your pets will be fine. Good luck Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 27/09/2016 20:10

Coffee that is so great. You can begin the rest of your life knowing you will not have to put up with any of that. You are worth so much more. Thanks

AGenie · 27/09/2016 20:14

I just read the whole thread. Well done! That's a wonderful decision you've made. Good luck!

EweAreHere · 27/09/2016 20:28

Good luck, OP. I think you've done the right thing.

Sancia · 27/09/2016 21:18

I sort of reacted with horror and then couldn't help but laugh. Wets himself, masturbates loudly to porn, doesn't have sex and can't clean? Look, we've all used the term 'manbaby' but your bloke... is, like, an actual man baby.

I am so glad you've left. I'd have ditched mine for half of any of those crimes, let alone the full whammy.

Freedom! Gosh I bet it feels good :)

Starlight234 · 27/09/2016 21:27

Thought something was wrong...Hmmm how observant..

Well done the Coffee... Your life will be on the up and up from here... I would also would say..You may wobble to this is what you have been used to for a long time and it will be so much better.

FaithAscending · 27/09/2016 21:31

Good for you coffee! Can't have been easy to make that decision when you've been with someone so long but I suspect you'll look back (sooner than you think) and realise what a lucky escape you've had.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 27/09/2016 22:05

Go and enjoy your life Smile

Mid-20's - yes, I remember them well They are a time to be lived and enjoyed, not to be manacled to a man who seems more interested in a housekeeper to clean up after him.

NineReasons · 27/09/2016 22:13

Well fuck me, a happy fucking ending for a change.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 27/09/2016 22:14

Honestly, just go. You have your whole life ahead of you. I left a relationship with a very immature man when I was 31 that I should had left years earlier. He was v similar to your partner. I had to move, I was in a job I hated. Leaving was a daunting prospect. And while life was a bit crappy when I did leave him while I sorted things out, the relief that I was no longer with him, I'd never married him and importantly hadn't had a child with him was overwhelming. I retrained, met my now DH and my life is a world away from what it would have been. Just leave him, when you look back in a few years you will never regret it.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 27/09/2016 22:15

Gah, I usually always rtft, but I missed your update OP. Good for you!

HappenedForAReisling · 27/09/2016 22:18

Good for you. I'm wishing you the very best of luck in the next chapter of your life. Onwards and upwards for you now Smile

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