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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP locked me out of the house. AIBU to leave him?

295 replies

Coffeeisnotmyfriend · 25/09/2016 19:51

Last night DP and I were out celebrating his friend's birthday. Half way through the night some of the group including DP decided to go to a nearby bar while the rest of us stayed where we were.

When I got home at about 2, DP had locked me out by accident. He knew I had no keys but was so pissed he forgot.

Luckily I was able to call a friend, and ended up on the sofa for the night.

The next morning, the house was in darkness- DP didn't get up until about 11, by that point I and a neighbour were considering breaking down the door

His attitude was appalling imo. Anything could have happened to me but instead of being apologetic, he got angry and refused to speak to me until tea time, when he asked what was for dinner.

I am furious. This is the latest in a long line of things that have caused me to doubt our relationship.

He still goes out partying and drinking with the same friends he has known all his life. He drinks to the point where he cannot stand and wets himself. It's a big group and they are all marrying, getting engaged so lots of nights out. They are in their early 30s I am mid 20s

I try to talk to him about it but he gets angry and shuts off. He can't just have a couple of drinks, he has to get utterly fucked

I have to drive everywhere because I don't trust him to drive. I don't feel safe in the car with him.
Financially I think I am the higher earner but I don't actually know. He pays for the TV and half the rent. I pay everything else and the car is in my name. He always has plenty of money for things he wants though.

I do all the housework and most of the cooking. We have been living together for three years and he is yet to clean the bathroom

I would like to be more financially stable but he thinks there is no point buying a house when you can rent one. Though he is currently saving to go on am expensive gambling holiday.

Our sex life is shit, we've had sex once in two months, however he will go upstairs and masterbate loudly to porn.

I'm trying to think of good stuff, but now I have written down all of the above, it's hard to remember any. He used to be very romantic and thoughtful over gifts etc. We have had some fab holidays together.

The thing is, he is now saying he wants children. We are engaged but had decided to wait a good few years to marry and I still feel too young to have children.

Sorry that this is a long post, my friend is a regular member of mumsnet and she suggested I should post here

OP posts:
Ginslinger · 25/09/2016 20:11

leave him as soon as you possibly can - there is nothing for you there. You are worth so much more than this

DrinkReprehensibly · 25/09/2016 20:12

You sound unhappy. LTB.

I know it's daunting, stepping out alone, but it's a fantastic opportunity to do whatever you want. I have a feeling you will prevail.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 25/09/2016 20:12

Leave him leave him leave him leave him.
He sounds very bad, and you have nothing that would tie you to him. You are young, self aware, and sound quite intelligent. You should have no problem (or not too much, I know getting out of a relationship can be daunting) to pick up your life and get somebody you deserve.

Brazenhussy0 · 25/09/2016 20:13

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this? Leave him and move closer to your work.

IJustLostTheGame · 25/09/2016 20:13

He won't change.
The only thing you can change is being with him.
Leave leave leave.
Leave the area, there's more to life than one town. There's a whole world out there. And without this dead weight you can enjoy it.

hownottofuckup · 25/09/2016 20:13

Sounds shit. Get out whilst it's still relatively easy.

user1471594659 · 25/09/2016 20:14

You don't even own the house together. Breaking up is simple. If you have children with this man, he's in your life forever. He doesn't sound like someone you want in your life forever.

LTB

justilou · 25/09/2016 20:14

And remember that the concept of "Happily Ever After" does not involve feeling like this!

Coffeeisnotmyfriend · 25/09/2016 20:14

I pretty much agree with all you are saying

I just don't know where to start. My job may be ending in a couple of months and then I will be unemployed, though I think I should be able to get another position quickly enough.

If I knew whether my job was stable or not I'd probably go soon.

It is overwhelming to think of all I will lose because most of my friends are the partners of his friends and it has been like that for years. Basically everyone I know I know through him.

I can't remember the last time he paid me a compliment

OP posts:
PandoNoPants · 25/09/2016 20:14

Please don't have children with this man. If he acts the way he does now, imagine being a new mum? Sleep deprivation, no help at home...being left at home whilst he goes out on the piss. Managing on his wage (which he is already cagey about) whilst you are on maternity leave? I honestly don't think having children will shock him into being a better person.

The way he treated you after locking you out speaks volumes.

You can do so much better x

ThoraGruntwhistle · 25/09/2016 20:14

Run, fast and far away. You should not put up with this.

RandomMess · 25/09/2016 20:15

He is living the life of a teenager whilst you look after him and be the grown up.

Get out of there and find yourself an equal!

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 25/09/2016 20:15

Leave him. He will be a cringy distant memory before you know it. Also just think how much of your life you'd get back if you cut your commute Smile

SquinkiesRule · 25/09/2016 20:15

He's not nice (maybe occasionally for short periods while sober?), don't start defending him, he's a dick.
You have no kids and no reason to tie yourself to him, move closer to work and leave him to his alcohol and his porn. He doesn't need you, he needs a housekeeper who pays most of the bills and has sex with him once in a blue moon.

Groovee · 25/09/2016 20:15

You deserve better x

wrapsuperstar · 25/09/2016 20:16

He sounds revolting. Nothing is keeping you from a swift and clean break, so LTB already.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 25/09/2016 20:16

Also start looking for a new job! If your friends are real friends you'll take that into your new life.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 25/09/2016 20:17

You will never ever in your future have again the absolute freedom you have right now. Don't bloody waste it!

pollyblack · 25/09/2016 20:18

Find a way to leave, he's an arse and he is NEVER going to change. You might have a hard few months sorting your life out after a breakup, but that is a billion time easier than a lifetime of putting up with this crap.

You are worth more, just do it. I am speaking from experience, make the most of your own life and stop having the weight of this guy on your shoulders.

hettie · 25/09/2016 20:18

It may seem daunting now, but it'll be 10 times more daunting in 10 years time. There are lovely men out there, don't settle for this twat

ShebaShimmyShake · 25/09/2016 20:18

Oh fgs, you are much too young to be settling for this, you'd be too young to settle for it if you were 95. Mid twenties? Get out and have the time of your life, your world will be teeming with lovely men.

1stTimeMama · 25/09/2016 20:19

One day you'll be talking about your past with your lovely husband and laugh at what an incredible waste of DNA your ex-partner was back in your mid 20's!

You have so much life to live, and this is definitely not the way to do it. Get yourself sorted, and out of there.

kurlique · 25/09/2016 20:19

Start identifying your new dream life... With your place of work (if you love your job) as a centre, look at where you would want to live most which has a good commute time, I bet there is a lovely place within a reasonable radius and look for somewhere to live there... A new better life, a clean start! Please don't waste any more time with that loser.

Heidi41 · 25/09/2016 20:20

So why are you with him? there must be something about him ........surely?

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 25/09/2016 20:20

What are his good points? Why are you with him?

FFS get rid of him. Don't waste your life on a person like this. You only live once.

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