What do I reply to this/is there an innocent explanation?

[Fanfeck]

I want to keep this brief
I was texting a friend I've known for 4ish years through DD, a friend I have been there for through the breakdown of her marriage/health problems etc and visa versa. I only say this to explain it's definitely a friendship of sorts as opposed to just meeting for the kids.

In one of my messages I said "that's great, looking forward to it. Could really do with a chat"

I then got a screenshot back of my message with the caption "bet it isn't going to be half as interesting as it sounds"

Neither of us have replied and she's gone offline. I'm so embarrassed and I so want her to explain it away.

I don't think ignoring it is going to work. She needs calling out on it. Just tell her that you are calling it a day with her as she is clearly slagging you off behind your back and you aren't 12. Then delete her number.

I agree, no innocent explanation. Defo sounds like sharing your chat with others in a sarcastic manner. Not a friend. On the bright side at least you've found out before anything else was divulged and shared. Sorry though, not nice for you at all.

Yes she has definitely sent you something meant for someone else, i.e. she is slagging you off. Nice girl.

If I were you I'd message her with something very civil (keep the upper hand in politeness etc) such as "Really sorry, just realised I can't make Thursday night as I double booked myself. Apologies! Fan"

I had a "friend" who gossiped and mocked all of her friends behind their backs. Naively I thought I was the only friend exempt from this treatment. I wasn't. She was a nasty piece of work and I finally saw the light after she bitched about me on email to a friend and accidentally copied me in. These toxic idiots are best forgotten and avoided. Find friends who will do anything for you, not anything to ridicule you.

I expect she's mortified but she's bitching about you to someone else. She will have been doing this for sometime. She isn't a real friend. If you do meet with her or chat via text in future don't say anything you wouldn't be happy to say publicly

She doesn't sound like much of a friend.

I agree, she sent that to someone else, and that is just mean and spiteful. You should text the whole thing back and say exactly that....she'll have to answer you eventually!

Let us know if you hear back from her tomorrow OP

Personally I think she owes you a further text! You can't end a friendship like that without at least making her squirm or give you an apology.

Call her out at least to see what she has to say but be prepared for the truth, which is probably that she's being nasty about you behind your back. How hurtful.

I would reply with a simple 'could you explain that text?'' before you call time.

And let us know what she says..

She sounds like an awful friend

She's trying to pretend it's never happened. Can you text her saying 'You accidentally sent a text to me on Thursday. I suspect the snapshot was for X or X. I think we should call it a day as I thought our friendship was better then that'

'Could you explain Sunday's text?'

Is better

I've been in a vaguely similar situation: four year friendship where we supported one another (although, looking back, I did 90% of the real support and giving). However, when I was at rock bottom, unwell and really needed a friend, I got the shock of my life with her response that was callous and cold, judgemental and wrong. I then made the mistake of holding out the olive branch on several occasions and, although we've met up again, I can tell that the relationship has been damaged beyond repair. It took me weeks to get over the way she initially treated me and now, some six months later, I accept that I have to step away and stop dwelling on it. Going over and over what happened only hurts more - it doesn't fix anything. I've seen her in a truer light and realise I invested too much, too soon in the friendship. I hope you are able to move on and find a better, kinder person who deserves your friendship.

I really don't understand why posters are telling you to drag this out by getting her to explain.

You don't need an explanation. It's self-explanatory.

You could listen to her and pretend you believe her, but it'll all be bullshit. What sort of friendship could you have after this??

I would actually respond, so there's no ambiguity.

I would say something like "let's not pretend this is an friendship after the screenshots", or something along those lines. And then I'd be done with it for good.

Honestly, do you want the drama?

Thanks again for all the lovely replies.

Honestly, if this was one of my lifelong, best friends, I would definitely chase it up a little and hope to reconcile but like someone said upthread and a few people have pointed out- I definitely did 90% of the supporting, an awful lot of running around and I should have seen through the fact she had no problem gossiping and bitching about her other friends.

I probably sound cold but it's no real loss, I'm up to my eyes with work, DD, college, I've had little time for my actual friends and my relatively new relationship because I've been zipping around on her whims and handholding etc.

I just feel like a fool really and will definitely miss her DS but I just don't want to communicate with her again. I would never feel the same, it was also my very first time to be the one "that could really do with a chat" when I've dropped so much for her when she has, that it's left a very bitter taste!

You can chat on here

Are you just going to completely ignore/block her? That's probably for the best.

IF however you're feeling vengeful

I take it she's never replied to your message about the tickets? I think that shows that 100% the message was meant for someone else and she's embarrassed. If she had the bottle to apologise, you could have more respect for her.

I knew someone like this. Some people are just horrible really and I live in a small town where there are groups of women who are friends and then talk about each other behind their backs.

OP I think you sound very gracious. Keep that head held high

A bag of dicks that's hilarious

Walter
I used to send my pen pals letters full of confetti and glitter when I was a child, I bet their parents hated me!

I had a dream last night that I had a hen party and only two people showed up, I wonder if this is related

OP - sounds a bit like my scenario - she was a close friend but not a life long one...

after the way she treated me - her definition of being there for me etc as opposed to mine (won't go into it but definitely different friendship priorities) - it was really easy for me to drop her!

Strangely enough this was the same friend to who when I mentioned in a convo another friend whom I hadn't spoken to for years (big argument) had turned up out of the blue to see me, she'd advised me to 'give her another chance, there's a reason why she's come to see you'.

If I had received that I would definitely think it was a joke. It wouldn't cross my mind it could be anything else.

Even if you believe it was malicious why wouldn't you just ask your friend about it ?

It all sounds a bit childish.

yes that was my first impression too. It took me ages to realise that people thought she was sending the text to someone else, and bitching about the OP. Now that I get that, I can see why they think it's a likely explanation, and it probably is. But I thought it was a joke too, the way you might say to someone 'oh this better be good' or 'ooh that sounded like it should be some deep dark secret, bet it's not quite as good as it sounds!', etc. Even if the other possibility is much more likely, why not just say something and find out, instead of assuming?

And then people are doing the same thing about the friend's lack of response, making all sorts of conclusions, that it means she for sure was bitching behind OP's back etc because she didn't reply. Maybe she was sitting there thinking 'wtf?' but assuming that the OP was being bitchy for some reason and decided not to find out why because she assumed her interpretation was correct. And on it goes.

Both parties' assumptions might well be the correct ones in the end, and are perhaps the most plausible, but not guaranteed - some people have said that they'd have assumed the friend was joking, or other possibilities, and even if there is the small chance of that, why not find out for sure first? Then do all the 'dumping' that needs to be done!