What do I reply to this/is there an innocent explanation?

[Fanfeck]

I want to keep this brief
I was texting a friend I've known for 4ish years through DD, a friend I have been there for through the breakdown of her marriage/health problems etc and visa versa. I only say this to explain it's definitely a friendship of sorts as opposed to just meeting for the kids.

In one of my messages I said "that's great, looking forward to it. Could really do with a chat"

I then got a screenshot back of my message with the caption "bet it isn't going to be half as interesting as it sounds"

Neither of us have replied and she's gone offline. I'm so embarrassed and I so want her to explain it away.

Crotchet and miiow but whatever this is (I think if you read the whole thread) OP's friend has not explained nor apologised or OP thinks it was not a joke. that's what is at the crux of this.

and further in OP's last post about it it doesn't sound as if she's devastated to lose the friendship, which, sometimes, we aren't in life!

they've both just sent cryptic messages that could have more than one interpretation. Perhaps the friend, if it was sent as a joke, doesn't realise any explanation is needed. Perhaps she's cross that the OP sent back a text about tickets that didn't explain why - were they sold out? is she busy? is she pissed off? who knows? the friend might have interpreted it all sorts of ways, come up with a story, and is now assuming whatever it is, just like the OP is.

the OP doesn't think it was a joke, indeed, but the friend might not know that. If she sent it in good faith as a joke, she might have no idea what's going on.

I'm not saying that it is a likely explanation, but a possible scenario, just to show that there are a variety of possibilities that could happen, and if both parties just make assumptions and send cryptic messages and decide what someone else is thinking, then there is always the possibility of miscommunication and misinterpretation. I've done it before, and been on both sides of it. You're sure that someone means something, and then ages later, find out that there's been some kind of misunderstanding. But by that point, too much else has happened on both sides to ever go back.

OPs interpretation might well be true. And she might not care if the friendship is lost anyway, so perhaps it doesn't matter in this case, as they're not close. But it just seems a shame to only go by assumptions.

She's a bitch.

I don't trust people who bitch about their other friends to me, it makes me wonder what they say about me to them.

And to the person upthread who said "we all moan about our friends to our partner sometimes", there's a big difference between saying "argh so and so was late again" and insulting their personality by implying they're boring. If you don't like my personality don't be my friend, simple.

some people have said that they'd have assumed the friend was joking, or other possibilities, and even if there is the small chance of that, why not find out for sure first?

Because those people were confused and didn't understand the screenshot or who was sending what to who.

Everyone who understood it gets that the ex-friend screenshotted the OP's message and sent it to someone else with the comment "bet this won't be as interesting as it sounds".

To be fair, it's not necessarily a friend dumping offence on its own. A lot of people bitch and gossip about each other and there are ways to apologise for this sort of thing. But it's not confusing, or open to interpretation or a misunderstanding. It's completely clear.

Sorry that should read "tried to send it am to someone else" the fuck up was sending it back to OP.

I don't think it's completely clear, there is a chance it's all a misunderstanding, however small. Personally I would ask outright. If I was going to end a friendship I would want to be sure I was right.

But crochet it must have been for someone else otherwise friend would have just replied 'not as interesting as it sounds' (or whatever is was)
Not screenshot then send back extremely unlikely imo.
What explanation is there for screenshot ting if not to send to someone else?

yes probably meant for someone else.

But who knows? I could see myself screen shotting something and sending it to the original person, to make a point of which bit I was replying to or something, in case it wasn't obvious. Slightly strange thing to do, I agree, but who knows - I've done odd things that people might then wonder 'why bother doing it that way?'. If I was trying to make a joke, I could have done something like that.

That's the thing. yes, probably friend was being bitchy. But to just assume, and then send a cryptic message back, and then assume more things because friend hasn't replied to that, etc, is just perpetuation a whole series of assumptions. If even one thing in that whole series is wrong or a mistake or meant in a different tone or whatever else - then it all comes tumbling down. It just seems worth actually discussing something first, finding out the truth, and then deciding on an action.

But clearly OP doesn't mind too much about this friend, and is happy that her interpretation is right, which is might well be in this case, so fair enough, sounds like she is well rid of the friend then.

To be h#quite hoinest reading OP's previous posts after her OP, it sounds as if she's too busy for the friendship, didn't expect them to become such close friends etc.

a real friend would've rung you up to go over it... so really a storm in a teacup.

when i had a 'friendship' like this go tits up at least she rang me (I did scream down the phone at her (I'm not proud of that!) as she'd been totally out of order).

So really I don't know why OP is that bothered about this turn of events.

Honestly, I think the people who think there's another explanation just don't get the culture of screenshotting people's posts to bitch about them.

It's quite the phenomenon.

Obviously not just confined to teens as I had thought...

well that's true, hadn't realised there was whole culture of doing it!

But I think the point was more that if there are possible other explanations, don't let something fester forever based on assumptions, just in case there was a misunderstanding somewhere, because there have been times when something innocent has spiralled somewhere that you can't come back from, as a result.

It's not really thinking that it is probable or likely or anything in this particular situation. Just that strange things have happened, people do odd stuff for random reasons, tone gets misinterpreted, typos happen, etc etc, and for want of a simple conversation, sometimes they get missed.

I am not sure about the general interpretation here. I could see myself being excited about the prospect of a good juicy gossip and send exactly that response to the sender. But I can be clumsy and texts and emails are notorious for coming out wrong (well, mine are!) I could see myself sending that and meaning nothing.

I didn't realise it was a thing to screenshot messages and bitch about them to others. Makes me glad I'm too old for that kind of shit.

there's a big difference between saying "argh so and so was late again" and insulting their personality by implying they're boring. If you don't like my personality don't be my friend, simple

Completely agree. We all have our annoying habits and we all get irritated. But I would never ever laugh at a friend behind their back or collude against them with someone else.

I can't see how there's any other explanation? She wouldn't have screenshotted it if she meant to reply to the OP, she clearly meant to send it to someone else. She may not have meant to imply that she was boring, she may have meant it in a "ooh I hope it's juicy gossip" way but either way I don't trust someone who talks about my business with other people, or sees my problems as entertainment. I can't see any possible harmless explanation for this. But the fact that she slags off her other friends to the OP would be a big red flag for me anyway.

Don't reply. Let her turn up to said place you are meeting and make sure you're not there.
See how much fun she has waiting around on her own.

Have you seen her, op?