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Original poster

What do I reply to this/is there an innocent explanation?

243 replies

Fanfeck · 25/09/2016 14:46

I want to keep this brief
I was texting a friend I've known for 4ish years through DD, a friend I have been there for through the breakdown of her marriage/health problems etc and visa versa. I only say this to explain it's definitely a friendship of sorts as opposed to just meeting for the kids.

In one of my messages I said "that's great, looking forward to it. Could really do with a chat"

I then got a screenshot back of my message with the caption "bet it isn't going to be half as interesting as it sounds"

Neither of us have replied and she's gone offline. I'm so embarrassed and I so want her to explain it away.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 26/09/2016 18:16

Oh fan don't be embarrassed, you've done nothing wrong. Though I can imagine how this stings Thanks

Sounds like she's doing it to you all though eh? I'd cut this nasty woman out from now on

hoddtastic · 26/09/2016 18:16

i would've assumed she was joshing with you and it came across wrongly? No chance of finding out now since you've effectively dumped her!

Do you have history of intrigue/long dull dramatic stories/episodes in minute detail?

QueenLizIII · 26/09/2016 18:17

This stood out to me:

one she is always complaining she feels uses her for free childcare and the other was found/admitted to sending inappropriate and flirty messages to her unfaithful husband after he had left her. It was just "banter" though so all was forgiven

So she quite clearly talks behind the other friends backs too.

I think your response was perfect...here's your money back and fuck off...words to the effect of.

I have a couple of friends who frequently slag off another mutual friend to me. I cannot help but wonder if it cuts both ways and after reading this thread, I am sure it does.

Ravenesque · 26/09/2016 18:18

I think your response was perfect. You weren't nasty back to her, you just closed down the friendship in a non aggressive way.

To anyone who thinks this was a joke or innocent, if it had been the ex-friend wouldn't have immediately gone offline. She went offline because she had that horrible cold horror/sick feeling that any of us have when we realise we have messed up and there's no way we can think to retrieve the situation. N.b. not necessarily a bitchy thing, just anything, like you break something that isn't yours, etc.

If the woman had any decency she would have apolgised almost immediately or very soon after. I know whereof I speak. Years ago I was talking about a woman who was a sort of friend, via email to my boyfriend. Her and some others were trying to make our relationship a bit difficult, for reasons to long and dull to go into. I think she'd said something on a forum and I was emailing him to say something along the lines of "will [redacted] never get over herself" and probably called her a stupid name. I have no idea what my head did, but I sent it to him and her. Even as I pressed send, I saw it and wanted to curl up and die on the spot. I emailed her again immediately and apologised, told her I was totally out of order, I didn't expect her to accept my apology and totally accepted that I was in the wrong and not someone she would want to keep as a sort of friend. I felt mortified and horrible about it, as I should have done, but felt slightly less bad when she emailed me to tell me to stop stalking her or she would report me to the police. I had sent two emails, my first to her in quite a few weeks and it was all a bit mental.

So, mea culpa. I have been a horrible person in the past, but I owned up to it. It's the least someone can do when they do something so stupid and horrible.

MagikarpetRide · 26/09/2016 18:34

I used to have a friend who pulled that crap all the time. Her favourite response was to go offline, then pretend it didn't happen.

One time I screen shotted it back to her. She cried about how she'd gotten confused blah blah blah.

Can't believe a) I put up with her crap for so long and b) there are other people who do this Confused

I think you handled that perfectly OP. Just continue to ignore her. Or alternatively do the screen shot thing suggested by another poster!

Laineymc7 · 26/09/2016 18:37

That isn't nice at all. She's clearly forwarded your message and is talking to someone about you. If she hadn't have screenshots your message with it then it could have been anything but not in this case. You don't need friends like this. Hope you are ok. I'd probably reply and say "you are right it's probably not and I'm going to have to cancel" x

Laineymc7 · 26/09/2016 18:42

Sorry should have read the thread. Your response was great. Forget her she should be the one embarrassed not you. X

atticusfinchatemybaby · 26/09/2016 18:45

Screenshot this thread and send it to her?

ALemonyPea · 26/09/2016 19:07

That's really crap of her to do Op. delete her off Facebook, but not before you out the screen grab on and tag her on it.

pollymere · 26/09/2016 19:11

It could be that she meant it as a lighthearted thing, has realized that what she wrote makes her sound bad and is now wholly embarrassed. I sort of get what she was trying to say, it's the kind of stupid thing meaning I'm sure it's not as bad as you say, in a backhanded sympathy thing. Give her a chance to explain even if it's did you mean to send this, do you realize how that sounds!? We all write stupid stuff sometimes with a good heart. I'm not naive though, and you needn't be either. If she says oh, that was for someone else, drop her like a hot pan!

iMogster · 26/09/2016 19:36

The trust is broken. You can't be worrying about what she's saying next and who she's saying it too. Who knows how long this has been going on.

You've handled it well, OP.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 26/09/2016 19:37

Sorry doesn't cut it OP.
She is what she is ... disengage.
You are worth more.

Ironfloor · 26/09/2016 19:42

Wait, she sent you a meme but didn't ask anything about your putting the money back into her bank account?

hippydippybaloney · 26/09/2016 20:01

How can anyone be so brazen?!?

Being bitchy you can maybe, maybe chalk up to a silly mistake - someone showing off to another friend about how funny they are etc. But to do that, get caught and then not apologise?!

This friendship isn't salvageable as you say. She's done you a favour.

USbound · 26/09/2016 20:03

Of course it was meant to slag you off to another person. If it wasn't, when you sent her the money back and you cancelled the holiday she would have been all over it asking why.
I think the screenshot back with her reply is genius.
But well done with the cancelling the holiday and leaving the friendship. It is her loss.

EvansAndThePrince · 26/09/2016 20:05

Wow, totally ignoring her own slip up and your response! I'd struggle not to make a sarcastic "let's not" type reply but you should probably as her for an explanation, if for no other reason than to drive home that you're done with her.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/09/2016 20:26

Yeah well I had similar a few years ago, fell out with a "close friend" then sort of wanted to clear the air as we'd been there through a lot for each other... So sent her a linked in congrats on her new job.

I then saw on another friend's FB page (this sounds pathetic!) that a few months after we'd originally fallen out she'd written some nasty things about me on this other mutual friend's page wide open for everyone to see.

The mutual friend I didn't see much of anyway but after that I cut off the "close friend" completely after venting to her via Linked in as to why.

I'd ignore this woman. And cut her off. No friend of yours.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 26/09/2016 20:38

Some people don't know how to communicate without slagging other people off. She has done it about your mutual friends (I'd take everything she said with a pinch of salt) and now it seems she'd doing it to you. She is either socially inadequate, insecure, boring or most probably all of the above. Its not you it's her! - so don't be embarrassed she's just a dick.

Summerwood1 · 26/09/2016 20:40

Op did she ask why you put the money back in her account?

YouTheCat · 26/09/2016 20:41

I think I'd have to be dead straight and ask her to explain the screenshot message that wasn't meant for you.

Let her squirm her way out of that and then dump her anyway.

Liiinoo · 26/09/2016 20:58

I have said some bitchy things about friends/family in the past. I wouldn't want to be judged by them. I would hate to lose good mates or have relations go NC because I was tactless or bad tempered. In the real world we are all a bit two faced at times. If not three or four or five faced.

OP - only you judge this. Is she worth overlooking this? Or is she generally a bit of a cow?

EverySongbirdSays · 26/09/2016 21:00

As many others have said, she clearly has an ongoing joke about you with another friend, and a nasty edge to it too, were you are mocked for their entertainment.

You've gaged this for yourself , we've backed this up.

SAY SOMETHING.

CHALLENGE.

APOLOGY.

FRIENDSHIP CONTINUES OR ENDS.

Pumpkin2010 · 26/09/2016 21:17

Have you replied?

You need to mention the 'elephant in the room' or you'll never know for sure. You need an explaination.

I would feel hurt too & would be going over everything I ever said to her (why do we let people make us feel shit when it's their issue clearly?!), but she owes you an explaination. I'd bet on it being about you but not meant for you.

Lollyp00ps · 26/09/2016 21:29

This girl is not and sadly most likely never has been your friend. I am so sorry you will be feeling horrible.. It is really better though to know where you stand and move on. You do not need a person like this in your life. Do not accept any dishonest explanations she may try to feed you. Take nothing more to do with her. Experiences like this are so hard. I hope you will feel better soon xx

QueenLizIII · 26/09/2016 21:39

If you do say anything just say this:

Are you going to tell me which friend you were slagging me off to, so i can block her too.

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