to tell DD to fuck off and leave me the hell alone?

[SaggyBaggyPuss]

I smoke in the garden in the evenings filthy bastard that I am and now DD smokes too she keeps following me out there to talk at me . She has just given me a lengthy run down on some make up endorsed by the bloody Kardashians wondering if she should buy some and then had a rant about how crap it probably was .

My evening smoke-s- are my ME time (4 DC). Time to think things over and have pretend conversations in my head with people who have pissed me off, or fantasise about actually having a life. I try to 'hmmm' and 'OK' at appropriate times to pretend I'm listening to her which she has now caught onto but she still won't bugger off.

She's 19 btw.

AIBU to tell her to go out for a fag at different times to me (she won't because she's scared of the bats flying around) or ban her from smoking at all in the garden?

My Nan and I used to discuss bumsex over a cup of tea and an Eccles cake.

Actually that's a lie.

We both thought Eccles cakes were disgusting.

To those have you having a pop at the OP, we're not prgrammed like robots so we HAVE to do whatever our parents do. Do the person who says 'how can you look at dd knowing it will cause her death.' A) How are you so certain it will cause her death - for some people it does obviously, others smoke for years and never get cancer. and B) Do you drink in front of your kids? If so then it's exactly the same thing. I wouln't be happy with my child smoking - but OP can't really tell her off while she smokes herself - but at the end of the day there's a lot worse things in life than liking the odd fag. Heroin isn't the same as smoking ffs I can't elieve someone suggested that. Yes, Class A's, alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, sugar - let's label them as evil [sceptical] I smoked during my teen years and neighter my parents smoked. They didn't smoke because they're parents were smokers and smoked at home and they hated the smell. Parents can't always be blamed.

I like my alcohol and even I'll admit alcohol is worse than fags. Not in direct ways, but more indirectly. How many smokers do you know lose everything from the fags? How many sell their bodies for fags? How many have a cigarette and get so drunk off that cigarette they go and punch 10 shades of shit out of a bloke? Alcohol addiction damages people a hell of a lot more than smoking - emotionally as well as physically. Yes smoking a fag on a night out isn't perfect but we're all going to die anyway so I'll have a fag and a wine and another slice of chocolate cake, because I would rather live and be happy than deny myself everything so that I live 2 or 3 years longer. I reckon give up if she lives away next year OP, cigarettes are soo expensive now reminises about ill spent youth when girl in school year would nick her mums cigarettes and sell them to us for £2 for a pack of 20

she will be flying the nest before too long?

This made me laugh, as well as the refence to 'batshit', given the OP's garden is beset by bats.

The comparison with alcohol is utterly pointless. What's the point in discussing how some random thing could possibly be worse? Hey wouldn't it be so truly shocking if the OP were planning a mass murders noisily in her garden every night and DD kept coming to watch? We're talking specifically about DD interrupting by smoking with DM.

OP, you said she wouldn't even go out for a smoke unless you did it, therefore every night you are directly responsible for DD smoking. You make it normal and acceptable in your home to do something that has been proven to kill people. You must be in denial if you really don't think you're at least in part responsible for her smoking habit.

Yes, you would be unreasonable to tell her to fuck off because she may well die an early death from cancer, and on the offchance you outlive her (unlikely) you'd be happy to talk about make-up or anything else for as long as possible.

Stop smoking and encourage her to do the same so maybe you can have a few extra years together down the track.

And to anyone who wants to make random comparisons, yes, we should all eat better, exercise and only drink in moderation. It's parenting 101. Lead by example.

Just tell Frogmella to pop back in to watch the TV with Wayne.

Just tell Frogmella to pop back in to watch the TV with Wayne.

I really doubt op's Cambridge going daughter is called that somehow

I was struck by ok saying she's not ready for her daughter to leave (even in strike through)... maybe that was lighthearted too but perhaps the daughter could be encouraged to get on with her life then the problem would be solved. Shame a 19 year old isn't learning to live on her own this year. I imagine it's the other uni in Cambridge as Cambridge uni itself has ridiculously luxurious facilities with people emptying your bins and stuff in lush college buildings...can't imagine anyone denying their child the chance to live there.

I am fat because I love chocolate, chips, cake and hate celery, cucumber, courgettes...
I had a great childhood being poorish but also loved and indulged. I don't smoke though both parents did. My dh smoked and so did the dc.
Enjoy your daughter, enjoy your ciggies, and enjoy Mumsnet. It takes all sorts...

Pack in smoking, go for a walk for Me Time. Win-win

Jesus holy Mary and Joseph - they still follow you at 19yrs?? maybe a one seat shed would give her the hint. I think I saw them in Homebase.

MumblePuppy "Just tell Frogmella to pop back in to watch the TV with Wayne."

That's funny because all I can think of when I read the OP's posts is Waynetta saying "I am 'avin' a faaaaag!"

Don't get how people take up smoking in this, more educated time but, whatever. I used to smoke but gave up when I became pregnant unexpectedly many years ago. I also missed the peace and thinking time that smoking gives. However, I got a dog two years ago and walking him s few times a day has brought back that time to think!

So.... Get a dog?

The OP has'nt said she wants to give up smoking, she wants to smoke in peace, so telling her to get dog or go for a walk is pointless.

Everyone thinking they're are so clever with the waynetta references are just pure snobs HTH

Exactly pugsake, I wonder if they'll be making the same references to MNetters with alcohol and food addictions, given that Wayne and Waynetta used to drink and were overweight?

Op, I feel much as you do about my first cup of coffee in the morning. I wake extra early, pull the cat into my lap and fire up my iPad. This hour of time is really the only time I will get by myself, to read or think a thought. I adore my children to bits and enjoy spending time with them....but not in that golden hour. Btw, your dd smokes? My nine year old Dd drinks coffee with me later in the day

My God the vitriol! Let's have them hung and quartered and be done with it.

I've never smoked and dislike it as a habit but it never occurred to me that I can be a judgemental arse towards all the smokers. Must have missed that memo.

It's smoking worra it's a shitty habit I hold my hands up too that. I'd be devastated if either DD took it up.

The vitriol on mn is unbelievable.

I fully believe if I quit I would pack on the weight and cost the nhs more. Either that or I would murder someone and cost the tax payer a shit load too keep me locked up.

I have had an emotional day so I may not be being reasonable mind.

There's always been hypocrisy on MN when it comes to nicotine addiction versus more 'acceptable' addictions.

Weird but true.

YANBU OP.

"This is my personal bubble"

I like peace and quiet time too. YANBU. Perhaps you could go for a stroll by yourself first, and have the cigarette with her later?

Yeah, my mum used to rail against the anti-smoking vitriol a lot too. Totally unjustified social position to be anti-smoking.

But she doesn't any more. Because she died at 67 from a smoking related cancer.

I looked after her in her final days. Jesus Christ, such agony, both mental and emotional. Cancer absolutely destroyed her.

I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, never mind my child.

I'm sorry about your Mam mumble

"My nan and I used to share a fag by the kitchen window"

This is a lovely subject and could be a thread all by itself! I once spent time with my grandmother being rescued so to speak, and she bought us each a carton a week! Imagine that!