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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell DD to fuck off and leave me the hell alone?

207 replies

SaggyBaggyPuss · 23/09/2016 21:45

I smoke in the garden in the evenings filthy bastard that I am and now DD smokes too she keeps following me out there to talk at me Angry. She has just given me a lengthy run down on some make up endorsed by the bloody Kardashians wondering if she should buy some and then had a rant about how crap it probably was Angry.

My evening smoke-s- are my ME time (4 DC). Time to think things over and have pretend conversations in my head with people who have pissed me off, or fantasise about actually having a life. I try to 'hmmm' and 'OK' at appropriate times to pretend I'm listening to her which she has now caught onto but she still won't bugger off.

She's 19 btw.

AIBU to tell her to go out for a fag at different times to me (she won't because she's scared of the bats flying around) or ban her from smoking at all in the garden?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/09/2016 23:11

If the OP had said she was addicted to sugar/junk food and her and her daughter were obese, I'm quite sure some of the replies would have been very different.

But apparently food addiction on MN is somehow far more acceptable and worthy of empathy, than nicotine addiction.

user1474638369 · 23/09/2016 23:11

Ayeokthen - that's inflation for you. I suppose it's mostly tax.

Barefootcontessa84 · 23/09/2016 23:12

God smoking sounds absolutely dreadful all round!

wherethewildthingis · 23/09/2016 23:14

From alcohol concern website
"Alcohol is 10% of the UK burden of disease and death, making alcohol one of the three biggest lifestyle risk factors for disease and death in the UK, after smoking and obesity'

user1474638369 · 23/09/2016 23:14

Public Health England are already saying alcohol is bad and there is no safe level of drinking.

DerekSprechenZeDick · 23/09/2016 23:14

I know more people
Damaged by alcohol than by cigs. I know sons who have become alcoholics because of their fathers

I know people who have died because of alcohol related violence

No smoker has cracked someone just because they had too many cigs that day.

Smokers are actually the friendliest people ever if you think about it

SaggyBaggyPuss · 23/09/2016 23:15

DD has just started Uni but she decided to commute I'm not ready for her to move out so she has more money to spend on fags as no living costs.

All her fellow students smoke like chimneys apparently (they all must have rough parents too) but was she was horrified that they all smoke stinky rollies whereas luckily she can afford Marlboro Lights.

We are hoping to persuade her to move up there (Cambridge) for her 2nd year so she will have to either quit or switch to rollies which she hates. Hopefully that will sort two problems in one go!

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 23/09/2016 23:16

Not to mention all those people who get into their car and drive when they have had a smoke and cause accidents...,

Oh wait....

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 23/09/2016 23:16

Worraliberty, food addiction is certainly more acceptable than smoking, because it doesn't physically damage anyone nearby like smoking, and because everyone has to eat, so it is a hard one to solve; smoking is something no one has to start doing at all.
I don't think they're similar at all.

Theimpossiblegirl · 23/09/2016 23:17

Loads of really posh people smoke. For all you know the OP is in the garden of her mansion. Either way, she deserves a bit of me-time without having to listen to inane Kardashian-chat.

I don't smoke, I drink wine. I don't judge either.

ayeokthen · 23/09/2016 23:18

So smoking, drinking and cakes/pies are bad for me? Fuck me, what an education Grin user I kept telling myself I'd stop when 20 was £5, and yet here we are.

wherethewildthingis · 23/09/2016 23:20

From the NHS website
"In England in 2009 an estimated 81,400 deaths of adults aged 35 and over were attributable to smoking. This accounts for 18 per cent of all deaths in this age group."

Hope that clears up any statistical worries.

ayeokthen · 23/09/2016 23:20

OP can't be that rough if she's raised a daughter who got into Cambridge!

emelsie · 23/09/2016 23:22

There is not always a clear link when recording deaths related to alcohol, both from diseases/illness and accidental death caused by excessive consumption , resulting in poor statistics. It is a big problem when it comes to funding for rehabs and the like because the stats don't match up with how big an issue it really is.

CakesAndCustard · 23/09/2016 23:22

Not sure you will be laughing and joking about smoking when your dd has emphysema or worse

ayeokthen · 23/09/2016 23:22

So 82% of deaths in that age group weren't caused by smoking. Aye, clears it up just fine.

Brighteyes27 · 23/09/2016 23:23

I don't smoke and rarely get a minute to myself children 11 1/2 and 12 1/2 I already feel like I am loosing them too fast. Any time my daughter or my son want to spend with me I'd grab with both hands as at 19 they won't be around for ever. She is reaching out to you and sounds like she wants, needs or enjoys your company but is maybe at a loss what to say to you. I think YABU sorry this won't last forever with her.

user1474638369 · 23/09/2016 23:24

Ayeokthen - Chesterfields were 4.99 for a while. Or there's that quit smoking book everyone raves about.

WorraLiberty · 23/09/2016 23:25

Worraliberty, food addiction is certainly more acceptable than smoking, because it doesn't physically damage anyone nearby like smoking, and because everyone has to eat, so it is a hard one to solve; smoking is something no one has to start doing at all.
I don't think they're similar at all.

Smoking doesn't physically damage anyone nearby, if you don't smoke in front of anyone nearby and not all smokers do, however that doesn't stop certain Mumsnetters tearing into them like a pack of rabid dogs.

Everyone has to eat, but not everyone has to eat too much or eat junk, while not taking enough exercise to burn it off.

No-one has to start smoking at all but you know what?

Many of the overeaters on here will say they do it because they were abused as a child, brought up by parents who criticised them and didn't give a shit about them, they have poor self esteem, had EA or violent relationships etc etc...

Well maybe, just maybe it's the same for some smokers?

But do the judgey pants people ever stop to think about that in between calling them 'disgusting' and 'ohh how classy' 'are you proud that your DD smokes too'? etc...

I think some people like to point the finger at smokers because not smoking is probably one of the only unhealthy things they manage not to do themselves.

While they're pointing the finger at others, they're not pointing it at themselves, just for a solitary moment.

ayeokthen · 23/09/2016 23:27

Worra you've hit the nail on the head beautifully!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 23/09/2016 23:27

The OP has more class than those throwing around racist terms

DotForShort · 23/09/2016 23:27

Exactly, Worra. Well said.

ShouldHaveBeenJess · 23/09/2016 23:28

wherethewild. Death rates by alcohol intake may appear (in terms of hospital intake) to be lower than those of smokers, but you are not factoring in other alcohol-related deaths, such as drink-driving, domestic violence, suicide , murder - the list goes on. Alcohol is the bigger killer. It destroys lives, families and communities. And I say this as a recovered alcoholic.

bluebellsparklypants · 23/09/2016 23:29

I think I'd be more concerned my DC was smoking than actual wanting to talk to me tbh! When I was 19 talking to my mum was the last thing on my mind

wherethewildthingis · 23/09/2016 23:30

ayeok Maybe have a look at this

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.ash.org.uk/files/documents/ASH_94.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwiG9c6QxKbPAhUDaRQKHbdkCJ8QFggpMAQ&usg=AFQjCNHdAeFf5E18jE2Fa6AimDuOYXfA5g&sig2=Cp6wd53TGndOz3tvZZRDLQ" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.ash.org.uk/files/documents/ASH_94.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwiG9c6QxKbPAhUDaRQKHbdkCJ8QFggpMAQ&usg=AFQjCNHdAeFf5E18jE2Fa6AimDuOYXfA5g&sig2=Cp6wd53TGndOz3tvZZRDLQ

Which will tell you that 50% of long term smokers will be killed by it, and smokers live on average ten years less than non smokers. Along with a bunch of other totally boring, snobby uptight stuff about cancer and, yawn, passive smoking. But hey, yeah, smoking is really cool and fun, yeah FFS