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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do my husbands washing?

185 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 21/09/2016 13:57

I was chatting to a friend the other day and she was very surprised that I do my husbands washing. I had never even thought about it, I just bung all the washing in together. She mocked me a bit and said that my husband was a grown man and should do it himself, like I was being completely anti-feminist. Have I missed something here? Am I being a doormat by doing his washing?! It makes no sense to me to separate it out and expect him to do it himself.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 21/09/2016 20:22

I'd do the same in the same situation, Ocelot.

In fact I did (well similar) with my ex, but much less successfully. I got sick of planning meals only to have him tell me he's "not hungry" (found out from a colleague he was pigging out at lunchtime and pretty much all afternoon) and I got sick of retrieving his filthy plates from around his desk. So I stopped cooking for him at all and I stopped cleaning up his shite. He, too employed a cleaner who ended up spending more time loading the dishwasher than getting anything else done. And he never stopped leaving his mess lying around.

ChocolateBudgeCake · 21/09/2016 20:22

I do but i make it explicit that I do not check pockets. Anything left in pockets is his fault. He does all the ironing and will put washes on if he knows I'm busy doing other things.

museumum · 21/09/2016 20:23

We (Dh, ds and I) have separate laundry bags and each fill about one load a week. Dh and I do our own mostly and whoever gets the chance does ds's.
If one of us has a half load we will get the others to make it up to a full load and also if mine is in the machine and he's home but I'm not he will hang it out and vice Versa.
It's more about keeping track of our own laundry situation rather than the actual washing of it. If I'm busy in a particular week I'll break out my old grey emergency pants but I wouldn't like to be responsible for Dh having no shirts for work for eg.

abeandhalo · 21/09/2016 20:29

It seems weird to me, like only washing up your own dishes. I mean, who does the communal stuff like sheets and towels? My husband does the clothes washing and I do the dishwasher, we take jobs each rather than splitting jobs, seems easier.

scoobydooagain · 21/09/2016 20:29

I do all the washing, but no picking it up off the floor to put in the machine or checking the pockets. I do my own and ds ironing, dp does his own and puts his own away. I think I would really resent putting another adults washing away for them or picking up their dirty clothes from the floor.

TheSparrowhawk · 21/09/2016 21:17

We all use the same plates/cups etc but we don't wear the same clothes so the washing up comparison doesn't make much sense. Both DH and I wash communal things like towels.

museumum · 21/09/2016 21:22

We only wash towels when the sheets are changed so it's one load - the only one that's washed at 60.
It's done by whoever gets there first.

pourmeanotherglass · 21/09/2016 21:26

I do everyone's washing, but leave DH's in the ironing basket for him to iron and put away. I iron as little as I can get away with of mine and the kids stuff, but DH irons everything, so I can't be bothered to do his. The kids put their own clothes away after I've sorted them.
DH and I use the same big basket for dirty washing, as we haven't space in our room for 2, so it would be weird to then separate them out to wash.

MsJamieFraser · 21/09/2016 21:29

We are a household and more importantly a family, we dont really have his or her jobs, they just get done when they need.

NataliaOsipova · 21/09/2016 21:37

I do all the washing, but DH works and I am a SAHM and it's one of the few household tasks I'm actually any good at doing

A confession though: DH doesn't know how to use the washing machine -and I am a bit of a 1950s throwback

IAmNotAWitch · 21/09/2016 21:42

I do all the washing and hang it out.

He brings it in and puts it away. Works well with our schedules.

I do check all pockets and any money found is mine - is a pocket tax. Funnily enough there is hardly ever anything in pockets Grin.

Longdistance · 21/09/2016 21:53

Fuck that!

I don't do dh's washing as it lives on the floor Hmm so it doesn't get done.

We both work ft, I do the majority of housework/ cooking too.

To fuck am I doing his washing, I'm NOT his local friendly Sherpa that does everything.

Meh!

TheProblemOfSusan · 21/09/2016 21:58

I don't do DH's washing - we have separate baskets and generally have a full load each, and we've done it like this for donkey's years, so it's just stuck. That said, if I want to put a load on and don't have enough, or vice versa, we root out bits from the other person's basket.

And often if we both need to do a load we'll put stuff in together.

I expect when I finally manage to get knocked up with will change when we've got kids stuff to do too.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 21/09/2016 21:59

As longs as it works for you, yanbu.

I do the washing here (five of us) as it seems more of a faff to separate it.

DH tends to do most of the putting away including pairing up socks which he is welcome to! He has made attempts at taking over the washing but I always resist as it's one of the household jobs I don't mind doing (plus I am fussy about what goes in each load and DH is a bung it all in together type) and don't want to get lumbered with something worse!

Flanderspigeonmurderer · 21/09/2016 22:04

I do my husbands washing because it means I can do a full load when I want to if I include his stuff. Same for my sons clothes, but he's too young to do his own anyway. I won't pick up anything my husband leaves on the floor though. I put undies and sock away in the drawer. Clothes I fold up and put on the bed, he has to hang them up himself.

mamaduckbone · 21/09/2016 22:05

Dh does most of our washing and ironing, I tend to put it away. If I notice the washing basket is overflowing full I put it on and we both hang it out. We don't have set jobs but as Dh works from home and I work full time out of the house he tends to be around to stick the laundry on. Personally I think it's more hassle to separate it.

Purplebluebird · 21/09/2016 22:08

I do all the clothes washing (because I'm a control freak and I worry he would destroy my clothes if he wash them wrong). I don't mind washing my other half's clothes - it seems logical to wash it all together.

HappinessLivesHere · 22/09/2016 10:20

Eh??!! We have a washing basket and when there's a load ready one of us puts in it!

furryminkymoo · 22/09/2016 10:24

I normally do all the laundry, can't be arsed separating it. DH did the sorting and putting away last night whilst I sat with a G&T.

TheSparrowhawk · 22/09/2016 10:35

In our house we actually have three wash baskets - one for me, one for DH and one for the two kids. Once the children are around 10 and doing their own washing they'll have a wash basket each.

MuseumOfCurry · 22/09/2016 10:39

It's still the 1950s in our house. I do (mostly) everything with a bit of help from a cleaner, he does (mostly) nothing. It (mostly) works for us.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 22/09/2016 11:57

Do people really do several sets of washing for different people in the house? I just put everything in together, depending on colour.

My husband irons his work shirts because he doesn't like the way I do them.

Whathaveilost · 22/09/2016 12:02

We ( and I include DS's I this) don't we it has individual wishing.
We seperate them according to what they are eg towels, dark wash, light colours, delicates.

Works for us. It's like asking would you cook individual meals or just Hoover areas that you walk on etc. We are a unit and do things that need doing.

MuseumOfCurry · 22/09/2016 12:03

In our house we actually have three wash baskets - one for me, one for DH and one for the two kids. Once the children are around 10 and doing their own washing they'll have a wash basket each.

Don't you separate your wash by colour?

TotallyOuting · 22/09/2016 12:08

We have a 40 degree basket and a 60 degree basket. 95% of the time it's DH taking it to the washing cellar, though it's often me that scouts around making sure that everything's in the bags that needs to be.