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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do my husbands washing?

185 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 21/09/2016 13:57

I was chatting to a friend the other day and she was very surprised that I do my husbands washing. I had never even thought about it, I just bung all the washing in together. She mocked me a bit and said that my husband was a grown man and should do it himself, like I was being completely anti-feminist. Have I missed something here? Am I being a doormat by doing his washing?! It makes no sense to me to separate it out and expect him to do it himself.

OP posts:
butterfliesandzebras · 21/09/2016 14:31

My Dh does all the washing. I do all the cooking.

We find dividing up whole chores much easier than alternating who does it, or dividing it between us. It means I literally never think about clothes, I wear what I like, throw it into a basket and it reappears clean in my wardrobe. Similarly my husband never had to think about what's for dinner, the food is just there.

Basically, whether you do your husband's washing or not on its own is meaningless. Overall picture, looking at working hours plus housework and childcare, do you both pull your weight the relationship?

windmillsofyourmind · 21/09/2016 14:31

The washing machine does the washing in my house. All I have to do is put it in. Smile

DoYouRememberJustinBobby · 21/09/2016 14:31

Ahaha guest seat? How inviting.

dowhatnow · 21/09/2016 14:31

yup different baskets for washing and clean clothes, she does hers and her kids and he does his Well she's got that wrong then. Why isn't he doing half the kids? One pair of pants for him, one for her etc...

I sniggered at the "guest"chair.

Mamadothehump · 21/09/2016 14:34

I do all the washing, all the ironing and put it all away. I do all the shopping, cooking and cleaning too. Your friend would hate me!

Original poster
Mrsemcgregor · 21/09/2016 14:35

I guess I do the majority of the housework but that's because I am home alone mon-fri and can get on with it. At the weekends when I am working he has the kids around and doesn't get so much done but he will still put a load on and cook dinner etc. I am perfectly happy with our arrangement and don't find it unusual or "anti-feminist" ....I hope!!

OP posts:
RhodaBull · 21/09/2016 14:36

How weird to separate washing - dh wears a white shirt once in a while - is he going to wash his one white shirt all by itself whilst I load in school shirts, pants etc etc and ignore his shirt? Do these dhs collect all their pants and commandeer the washing machine once a week?

Actually I do know someone who lives by this method. The wife (SAHM) does nothing for her dh. Not even cooking and he has his own bathroom which he cleans himself. She says she is a mother not a housewife . Dh could not believe his eyes when he encountered the husband trotting round Sainsbury's one time with a basket with ready meals in it for himself. Strange relationship - where one domineering person meets someone who likes to be dominated (a bit like Irene, Bertie's mother, in 44 Scotland St if you're familiar with it).

KayTee87 · 21/09/2016 14:36

Your friends household sounds like hard work. Once we have enough for a wash load then one of us will put on a load - how weird would it be to separate into 'his and hers'.
I do most of the wash loads and housework, my husband does most of the shopping, cooking and diy stuff. We each help out with the other ones chores once we've finished our own stuff so it means we get more relaxing time together. Tbh it's not something that's even been discussed it's just evolved this way. If your friends husband made himself dinner and told her to make her own for instance what would she say?

BestZebbie · 21/09/2016 14:36

I wouldn't separate out washing and do half loads, but those rely on assumptions about the way washing has to be set up that we don't subscribe to - we have a system where each adult has a basket and deals with their own clothes, doing a load when they feel they have accumulated one. If someone needs to go to the dry-cleaners they would ask if anything else needed taking at the same time. Towels and children's clothes are done as and when there is a load, in reality usually by me as I am near that washing basket for many more hours each week and so tend to notice first.

insan1tyscartching · 21/09/2016 14:37

I do all the family's washing because I am obsessive about it being sorted and washed at correct temperatures etc. I remember banning dh from using my washing machine when he ruined a load of clothes after some colour ran and stained the others.

FRETGNIKCUF · 21/09/2016 14:37

If you wait on him hand and foot then your friend may have a point, but if you have a reciprocal relationship where you help each other your friend is a dick.

Sparklesilverglitter · 21/09/2016 14:38

Me and dh both put washes on and what clothing gets washed depends on what's in the basket

So yes I do my DH washing and he does mine.

Buunychops · 21/09/2016 14:38

Ok the 'guest seat' makes it weird, unless it's the only good seat in the house and sitting anywhere else will will result in a skewered arse.

Which I'm guessing not

wayway13 · 21/09/2016 14:38

My DH doesn't know how our washing machine works and hasn't done his own washing in the 7 years we've lived together. Laundry/ironing is mine as is cooking and most of the cleaning. He's great with dishes at night and helps with hoovering as well as doing all the gardening. He's very proactive with finding odd jobs to do in house. He works and I'm a sahm so it evens out and we're both happy.

Your friend has no business commenting on how you choose to run your home.

Sparklesilverglitter · 21/09/2016 14:39

Why would anyone pick of there DH/dp clothes from the basket when putting a wash on and not include them in the wash to make a point? Bloody hard work of you ask me.

Rule is of its in the basket it's going in the machine

albertcampionscat · 21/09/2016 14:39

Do you have equal amounts of free time, disposable income, input into key decisions?

jb007 · 21/09/2016 14:39

I had a friend like this. They all cooked their own meals, did their own laundry, had their own chores. It was more like a student house then a family home.

toptoe · 21/09/2016 14:40

Whatever works for you or her. She does it differently, you do it your way.

My household - I do most of the washing. It all goes in the same basket, gets sorted into washes then done. Usually by me but sometimes by dp. Why? Because I like to have a system and get it on early. He would do it after doing other things. So basically I beat him to it and am fine with that. We do eachothers but wash his clothes separately as they are a bit more niffy (tmi!).So it's mine and children's coloured, his wash, mine and children's whites (he has no whites).

Buster5187 · 21/09/2016 14:40

I do my husbands washing / he does mine (and the kids) its just 'house washing' we don't really look at it like his and mine!

mogratpineapple · 21/09/2016 14:41

I do my husband's washing. He does my ironing. Fair enough.

noramum · 21/09/2016 14:41

That's a waste of resources and space. What is the point of it?

I do the washing in our house, DH does the rubbish and dishes. I thought if you live together, chores are done together?

BiddyPop · 21/09/2016 14:43

I do DH's washing, and DD's washing. He does mine.

Basically, whichever of us gets there first, organizes the load from the linen basket to machine, machine to line/dryer, line/dryer to clean clothes hamper.

Mostly, DH does all the folding once a week. Although I do that sometimes.

Since DD was born (and I was in charge of feeding the baby), DH took over all the ironing (before that, he did his and I did mine) and he still does it all once a week.

So am I being an anti-feminist to do his washing? I don't think so.

dun1urkin · 21/09/2016 14:43

I don't do DH's washing nor do I make his dinner. We both do our own.
Thanks to lots of the posters on this thread for confirming we're weird.... Grin

Happyhippy45 · 21/09/2016 14:45

I do the cooking and most of the cleaning, DH does my laundry, his laundry, work laundry and occasionally adult sons laundry if he's feeling generous.
I sometimes stick a load on if it's piling up and I'm running out of pants
As long as the household chores are shared evenly there isn't a problem.
they're not in my house and I could go on and on about the injustice of it all

Mycatsabastard · 21/09/2016 14:45

I do the vast majority of the family washing, cooking and hoovering.

Dp does the vast majority of the family ironing, puts the bins out and changes the beds.

I am at home Mon to Friday alone. He is at work. It's not rocket science to work out that I get the most done at home because he's not here.

However, I'm going to be having major surgery in the next week and won't be able to do anything for several months.

I have drawn up a rota for the entire family :o