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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do my husbands washing?

185 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 21/09/2016 13:57

I was chatting to a friend the other day and she was very surprised that I do my husbands washing. I had never even thought about it, I just bung all the washing in together. She mocked me a bit and said that my husband was a grown man and should do it himself, like I was being completely anti-feminist. Have I missed something here? Am I being a doormat by doing his washing?! It makes no sense to me to separate it out and expect him to do it himself.

OP posts:
reallyanotherone · 21/09/2016 15:34

I do all the washing. I like it, find it therapeutic collecting all the washing and sorting it . Suddenly we have clear floors! :). Like pp have said it'd be a faff separating it all out, and it's hardly a big job.

Plus dh does the ironing, so i reckon i get the better deal...

Mybugslife · 21/09/2016 15:35

I though everyone done the house hold washing?! Confused
I don't really see the point in separating it all out. I'm not the soul user of the washing machine, if a load needs going on the person who is home 1st or fills up the basket puts it on, whoever's washing it is.

Your friend is weird

HyacinthBouquetNo1 · 21/09/2016 15:40

I do all the washing, ironing and putting everything away. I do it every morning, I like to keep on top of things.

BeyondASpecialSnowflake · 21/09/2016 15:55

I'm a great big 'boots-n-all' (to nick a phrase from another thread) feminist.

I do all the washing. DH does all the cooking, washing up, ironing and the majority of school runs. He is currently cleaning the oven while I am on mn. Your friend is a weirdo, washing is not the sole sign of feminism Grin

CrepeDeChineWag · 21/09/2016 15:59

Just to clarify, I wasn't having a go at people who say 'I do my husband's washing' I was having a go at people who insist that if it's 'his' washing 'he' must do it because it's 'his'

Teamwork and partnerships is surely what it's all about

Original poster
Mrsemcgregor · 21/09/2016 16:00

Phew, thank you ladies. Very glad to hear I am not an anti-feminist 1950s throw back! Just practical!

OP posts:
HarmlessChap · 21/09/2016 17:16

Doesn't matter that I'm a grown man, DW won't relinquish control of the washing machine or tumble dryer so she does the washing for the whole family.

Flipping annoying really, as on several occasions I've wanted muddy and soaking sports kits washed and dried ready for use on the following day, gone to do it myself, the conversation usually goes along the lines of:-

"what are you doing?"
"washing my kit, I need it for tomorrow"
"leave it and I'll do it in a minute"
"I'd rather just get on with it"
"just leave it will you, I'll see what else I can put in with it"
"I've already checked and put..."
"just leave it, OK, I want to put a couple of loads on. I'll do it all and put it in the tumble dryer"
"I need it for tomorrow"
"Yes I know, just leave it and I'll do it in a minute"
"OK dear"

Next day I find she's either forgotten all about it and my kit is still wet, filthy and unwearable, or she did wash it but its still sat in the washing machine and somehow its my fault for not reminding her.

Why not just let me do it myself, FFS!?!

ThePinkOcelot · 21/09/2016 17:35

I do everyone's washing. And ironing. Wouldn't think to separate his and say do it yourself. That's ridiculous I think!

notinagreatplace · 21/09/2016 19:20

We do our own and always have. I never quite understand why this is so mystifying to people but a short FAQ which may help:

Isn't it a faff to separate it out? No, of course we don't put it all in one basket and then separate it out, we just have separate baskets.

Isn't it more economical to do it together? No, we each wait until we have a full load - that doesn't take that long, I have never had to wait longer than I particularly wanted to.

Isn't it weird and selfish? Honestly, I don't really get this - I don't give my husband's washing any thought at all, I see laundry as a personal chore and it doesn't occur to me to to it for my DH any more than I would buy his toiletries or clothing.

What are the benefits? I don't have to separate out his stuff from my stuff after I've washed it - seems less faff to me. I know exactly where my clothing is at all times - I won't waste time looking for a dress I want to wear when it's in the machine, etc. If I take ages to put away my washing (which I tend to do), it's my problem and doesn't impact on my DH. It honestly feels a lot more straightforward to me than combining loads.

Arfarfanarf · 21/09/2016 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dementedpixie · 21/09/2016 19:48

We have a hamper for lights and one for darks rather than one for each of us. That means it's easier to sort out a load from either of them rather than raking through to find enough clothes for a full load

Primaryteach87 · 21/09/2016 19:51

I do my husband's washing. He also does mine. I also wash his plates and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with doing things for each other, you're a team. Where it becomes in feminist is where they is a big difference in domestic workload.

Soupandasandwich · 21/09/2016 19:55

I load the machine with whatever combination of mine, dh and (adult) ds clothes are in the wash binsv before work. By the time I arrive home 8 hours later, do will have got it dried and often, ironed ready to be put away. He also does half the cooking and virtually all the shopping. Oh, and my coffee is usually awaiting me. I don't see why sharing out the jobs and doing chores that benefit everyone in the home, should be considered a problem.

I used to work with someone like this and I always felt that her marriage was more like housemates than an actual marriage. I guess it works for some, but wouldn't suit me.

Sallystyle · 21/09/2016 20:01

We do each others all the time.

Whoever gets there first does it all.

It's just being kind isn't it?

clare2307 · 21/09/2016 20:02

I generally do all the washing in our house, he generally does all the ironing. We have certain chores we are better at/prefer each and just split the rest depending who is not busy/can be bothered. I don't get these couples who don't do things to make life easier for the other?!

MorrisZapp · 21/09/2016 20:05

DP and I have our own laundry baskets. He does his, I do mine, we both do DS's.

I wouldn't do another adults laundry unless they were ill or asked as a special favour. To me it's quite personal.

WashBasketsAreUs · 21/09/2016 20:07

I only work part time, so as I'm here more I do all the washing, drying and putting away. I would like to big myself up by saying I do all the ironing, but I only iron my work shirts and the occasional going-out item (posh shirt, dress etc) and I can't be arsed ironing sheets etc!

I'm gonna get flamed now, but I actually get my husband's clothes ready for him each day. that's because when I am putting the clothes away, I set up each day's clothes in a pile so I don't have to actually put them away

Sierra259 · 21/09/2016 20:07

All the washing goes in together here too! DH does his own ironing, I do mine and the DC's as I work part-time.

HicDraconis · 21/09/2016 20:08

I very rarely do DH's laundry. To be fair, I very rarely do mine either 😊 DH does most of it, I might shove the odd load in here and there but I doubt I do it more than once or twice a year. It's family laundry in the family laundry basket - DH gets it clean and dry, the boys sort it and put it away (including ours). I cook family meals, and earn family money. Teamwork all the way, it's much less hassle.

phillipp · 21/09/2016 20:11

I do everyone's washing.

I sort it all out. Dh and Dd get their left in the bed to put away. I puts ds' away as he is a lot younger.

But then dh does all our cooking. I hate cooking, he hates laundry.

It's works for us. As long as both you and dh are happy with your set up, crack on.

Imavinoops · 21/09/2016 20:12

I just wack it all in together, I'm too lazy to separate it tbh.
DP does other stuff for me though, I don't really feel hard done by!
I do do DP ironing all the time though. (Last time he was on his first day of a new job and burnt through his only pair of work trousers within about 5 mins of heading upstairs to iron them haah)
I couldn't bare to see that little upset face descending the stairs again so I do it all myself now so the clothes are safe!

PickAChew · 21/09/2016 20:12

I do everyone's laundry. DH going anywhere near the washer always seems to be the kiss of death for it. He works full time and I'm a SAHP, and that is the one job that I do exclusively, so I think I've got a decent deal, there.

He irons all his own stuff, mind. Sometimes he'll do a little of mine or the kids', but most of my clothes are a pig to iron, so he'll leave them alone!

ocelot41 · 21/09/2016 20:15

I see I am in a minority on this thread. After 5 years of reasoning,pleading and reminding my DH to pull his weight around the house I finally hit breaking point. It was the washing that tipped me over because DH plays 3 different kinds of sports so there is always muddy, sweaty kit as well as work clothes, home clothes etc. He hasn't done any washing at all in 5 years so I bought him his own hamper and told him I was on washing strike and that he could either do some cleaning or pay for a cleaner. He decided to pay for a cleaner once weekly (I still do daily tidies etc) and hs miraculously remembered how to wash his own clothes. Peace has been restored to the ocelot household!

sugarmonster64 · 21/09/2016 20:19

Whoever notices the washing basket is full does the washing in our house. Joint laundry baskets because that always just seemed the easiest way. although as soon as DC old enough they'll be doing their own!

Mitfordhons · 21/09/2016 20:21

I do dh's washing dd1 does her own (17), dd2 and DS (14 & 15) do their uniform and share this chore between them, I do the rest of their washing. I work full time.

Dh also works full time, he cooks every single meal we eat (unless he's away), that's five people seven days a week.

Give me the washing every day.

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