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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the practice nurse should think before speaking

192 replies

YoureMyWifeNowDave · 21/09/2016 11:36

I've just taken DS for his 8 week jabs and as I went in the nurse says hello and then asks who I am as I am "obviously not mum"!

Admittedly I am an older mum (I'm 44) and my hair is a little grey as I have started having allergic reactions to hair dyes but she made me feel absolutely ancient Sad

AIBU to think that she was a little out of order here? Luckily I am not suffering from PND but if I had been feeling down I think this would have really upset me it did tbh

OP posts:
JudgeEpantz · 21/09/2016 16:54

Lovely.

pictish · 21/09/2016 16:54

It takes quite some degree of self absorption to be offended by that mug.
Sorry...but it does.

FruitCider · 21/09/2016 16:54

Judge to be fair if it's interferon you have my sympathy!

milkyface · 21/09/2016 16:54

Haha I'd probably piss myself laughing if the (lovely) nurse at my practice drank out of that. I'd prob forget all about the needle I'd just had stuck in me!

Soubriquet · 21/09/2016 16:56

Same here.
I would probably laugh and ask where I could get one from

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 21/09/2016 17:02

The vet referred to me as the cat's 'mom' one time.

This made me Grin

We used to take phone calls for a vets/groomers. We'd have to conduct the entire conversation with the owner in the craziest way.

"What time would Wuffles like to come in today? Okay and will Wuffles be bringing his mummy with him? That's lovely, we'll see Wuffles at _ o'clock".

Torn between feeling like an utter idiot and loving it because these were the best calls Grin

PersianCatLady · 21/09/2016 17:05

I saw a little boy out with a man the other day and he started talking to me.

The man looked older than my Dad (who is 70) so when the little boy went to leave I said - "Have a nice day with Grandad" and the man turned around, tutted and said "I am his father not his Grandad".

I won't be making that mistake again.

BillSykesDog · 21/09/2016 17:14

Ice, I think you're being really rude with your comments about ageism and are projecting some isssue of your own onto other posters.

Being upset that you're not recognised as the mother of your child has nothing to do with ageism and a lot to do with not being seen in your proper role, facing the value judgements of others and also being reminded of a lot of the downsides of being an older mother like dying early.

Being embarrassed about the 70 year old was nothing to do with disapproval of age gap relationships but because it's her boyfriend's Dad FFS.

I think it's really tactless for you to lecture the OP on her ageism when she's obviously feeling a bit sensitive.

youarenotkiddingme · 21/09/2016 17:18

People can assume what they like - however it's best to activate the filter before its done out loud Grin

I've had many a time when my own dad was mistaken for DS dad. His dad isn't around and so I guess as they have a special relationship (he is DS father figure) they just assume.

Didn't help that DS couldn't say grand dad until he was 4 and so called him g-dad!

WinterBloom · 21/09/2016 17:21

Well. I can see why you were a bit upset, I would be too.

If the practice nurse had said "And are you X's mum?" instead of "obviously you're not X's mum", would it have still been bad because she wasn't automatically assuming that you were? What I mean is, is it the fact she questioned at all, or the way she questioned that bothered you the most?

2kids2dogsnosense · 21/09/2016 17:21

I worked in health and would always assume the carer was the mother - as another poster has said, flatters grandma if she's not.

You never know what relationships are. I worked in adult speech therapy, and the hardest thing was when a gentleman would come in with a lady and there was no indication whether they were wife or daughter, and it was hard to tell from their appearance. I always assumed "daughter" unless I knew otherwise - several wives were thrilled, and no daughters offended. (And occasionally we had a much older gentleman with a younger wife - one was in his eighties and his wife in late forties.)

Sidge · 21/09/2016 17:22

Fuck me I can't believe a patient would complain about the mug I had on my desk. Especially if it just displayed a daft quote and nothing offensive.

The receptionists bring me a cup of tea in the middle of my 5 hour clinic. It's the only drink I get. I don't choose which mug they pick out of the staff room kitchen cupboard. Heck half the time I don't even notice the mug, I'm just pleased to have someone bring me a cuppa.

Oh and regarding the OP - that nurse was spectacularly insensitive. I don't think it warrants a complaint but next time you go in maybe make a point of saying "I've brought MY baby for her jabs!"

I've had a few foot in mouth moments as a practice nurse but luckily nothing so thoughtless. I do tend to say "are you the parent of xxxxxx?" which I think covers it 😀

ToffeeForEveryone · 21/09/2016 17:26

YANBU! She was bang out of order, I bet she feels mortified now mind.

Idefix · 21/09/2016 17:38

It sounds as thought she was very clumsily checking who you were for a template that requires a tick for parent consent I always go for how are you mum, and wait for correction as necessary I have had the experience of a family member bringing an baby for imms that the parents had decline recorded on notes, thankfully. Would have been good to say sorry though.
Congratulations on your baby.

Offence at cup too funny! stop looking.

PersianCatLady · 21/09/2016 17:44

Next time she's sticking a needle in me I'll ask her why she thinks it's ok to let me know how pissed off she is
There are loads of those mugs out there with all different slogans -
"Born to shop, forced to work"
"Born to fish, forced to work"
"Born to dance, forced to work"
I suspect that people buy them as gifts when they really don't know what else to buy someone.

Personally I think that they are a bit naff but getting offended by one of them is truly pathetic.

TroysMammy · 21/09/2016 17:49

The nurse probably felt embarrassed and there's no point in taking it further.

I don't think I look 48 but was miffed when my niece's teacher said to her "there's Grandma waiting for you". I didn't tell anyone on Mumsnet about it, didn't post on Facebook or practiced my sad face for the Daily Fail. It was a mistake.

Congrats on your baby. My Dsis was 40 having my darling niece and I had to wait until I was 42 to be a doting Auntie.

Yorkieheaven · 21/09/2016 17:57

Very tactless op but a mistake. Hope your face said it all.

The mug comment is ott.

I am a qualified nurse and am definatly not thick.

Salmotrutta · 21/09/2016 18:13

The mug offence is pure gold.

If I had to go and get an unpleasant procedure done I'd be glad the practitioner had a sense of humour and it would provide a minor distraction for a few seconds.

Imagine being offended by a mug with a daft comment on it?!

Snappychi · 21/09/2016 18:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

OhTheRoses · 21/09/2016 18:43

idefix do you appreciate how disrespectful it is to address a patient as "mum". At the least can't you say "are you the baby's mum or mother". Or check the appointment book and say "hello Mrs x, or hello Jane, if you have been invited to use the parent's/patients first name.

At my surgery the nurses refer to the doctors as Dr Smith, Dr Jones, etc. In which case I expect to be called Mrs Roses. It's because I am not subordinate to the doctor and it's a,very important equality issue. Unless the Dr is referred to by their first name, I expect everyone else in the practice to be afforded the courtesy of a title too. Never, ever "mum". How would nurses and doctors like to be addressed as "nursey" or "doc"? I imagine they'd find it a little rude and patronising, no?

Ego147 · 21/09/2016 18:48

Now if a teacher had this mug in the classroom, you'd probably have a right to complain.

Would look good in the staffroom though

To think that the practice nurse should think before speaking
TroysMammy · 21/09/2016 18:55

Roses we call our Doctors, Doctor first name. We are a friendly practice and call the patients, with their permission, their first names as they do ours. One patient does call the nurse nursey and no offence is taken at all. However it annoys me when patients call the Doctors by their first name with no title. They are your Doctor, not your best friend or family member. Although the amount of appointments these people make they may as well be.

Idefix · 21/09/2016 19:02

Ahh Roses perhaps I am very lucky in that I work in an environment where we do actually refer by first name, nurses doctors and other members of staff. That said I do not find it offensive when referred to as nurse, Aunty or Ma'am now or mum when I attend appt with dc.

I think tone and intent is everything in situations like this, and whilst tempting fate I have never had a complaint of any kind and I largely put this down to being a good nurse and genuinely respectful of my patients.

maisiejones · 21/09/2016 19:17

User. I'm currently studying Health and Social Care and stuff like this is what I have to be aware of. What is did is deliberate discrimination, because before you speak, you should think. She could of simply said "are you mum?" because there are mothers that are 16 and mothers that are 45 that does not make them not mums. You can report this to her manager as it's a breach of your rights.

Oh ffs get a grip - all this talk about breaching rights and deliberate discrimination. She made a thoughtless comment. Insensitive but hardly a hanging offence.

OhTheRoses · 21/09/2016 19:20

Troysmammy. I quite agree, I wish my relationship with the doctor and practice to be a professional one. Therefore I expect to be called Mrs Roses and would not call a doctor, Dr Mary as much as I would not want to be called Mrs OhThe. Interesting though, if a patient had a PhD as an academic, would they be addressed as Dr First name at the practice or just first name?

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