To be annoyed MIL bought us a TV

[EverythingisShiny]

So back story, our TV broke about 2 weeks ago, the cost to fix it will be too pointless so we decided to buy a new one, an excuse to have a little upgrade. The one that is broken is a Samsung full HD LED 32".

My OH contacted his mum to ask to borrow some money for a new one, which we will pay back when over time pay comes in. He told her which one we want, basically a Samsung full HD LED 42". Want to get it from John Lewis as the price is good and comes with a 5 year guarantee. Which is all fine. She agreed, and said she would phone us on monday. Monday comes around, she hasn't called. Today she has very kindly turned up with a new TV for us. Only, it is an older model, an LG, it is 32" and is not full HD. It is however a Smart TV, which is why she probably thought it was good (we have no real use for Smart TV, our consoles and Blu Ray do that already, plus we have Sky). It only has one HDMI port, which is a right pain for us. We always need to switch from Sky, to Blu Ray, to Consoles, and fiddling with ports and switching cables gives our son the wrong idea. We don't want him to pull it down on himself. There would be no way of fixing the TV down on the one she has bought us.

The subject is really going to be painful to bring up and difficult to not sound really ungrateful. Because we are grateful, it was very kind. We just wish she had spoken to us and, you know, actually asked us what we want.

We thought about keeping it and just going ahead with our plan of getting a new one, but we'd seem extremely ungrateful if they see it. And ask if it wasn't good enough. The fallout would be horrific. So is it better to just be honest?

We're also wondering if we return it to store, can we get it refunded in cash, so we can put it towards one we want, kind of like on the subtle so his mum doesn't really know? She doesn't actually come round to the flat often. We thought of exchanging it and putting down the difference, but the problem is, it's from Argos. We both really hate Argos for things like this, we've had many problems with them before. Plus as far as I'm aware, they don't offer a guarantee as good as John Lewis, if any.

To top it all off, my OH is the youngest of 4. And despite being 31, the only one of them to go to Uni and have a professional career (he's a nurse), and being an extremely good Dad, he gets treated like a baby by them and treated like he doesn't know anything. Now he's trying to get some sleep after a night shift, and has another one tonight, but can't sleep because he's stressing about it the TV situation (first world problems, eh?).

/rant over.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

It's definitely not

'I want a Pony'
'Here's a pony'
'No I want a grey one'

It's more like :

MIL: What would you like for your birthday?
OP: I would really this jumper I have seen in store X. It's short sleeved with sparkly bits on the front and it's red. It's £30.
MIL: happy birthday OP here is a red jumper. It's gone long sleeves, it's cable knit and it's from store Y. But it's a red jumper.

Would you be happy? Ok so it's red and a jumper but that's it.

Plus she didn't ask for. TV - they asked to BORROW some money to buy the TV THEY chose and then would repay.

I was also irked by that wrong and insulting analogy. The OP wanted a horse, she's been given a donkey, she has space for only one of the two, keeping the donkey will mean going without the horse she wanted for the ten years the donkey is expected to live.

Granny and liney, my mum is 70 and technically adept. But it's not common in that generation.

Just as I fully expect the generation younger than me to have to explain the new BrainPod technology to me, I tend to supply technical support to the older generation.

Clearly OP's mum either didn't understand or care about their tech specs. Isn't it kinder to assume she didn't understand?

She probably didn't understand and that's fine. To a lot of people a telly is a telly. To the rest of us it has to be 'right'! A telly needs to do what you want it to and this one doesn't.

I think I must be living in a parallel universe! You're short of money and can't afford a new tv and your MIL thought she would be kind and buy you one. It may not be exactly what you wanted but it's a perfectly good tv. You can now use the money you would have spent on it to put aside for emergencies so that you don't have to ask for loans in future.

I feel sorry for this woman who has tried to be kind and generous to her son and daughter in law. You both sound very immature and ungrateful (your DH can't sleep because of it!?). It's a free television and you currently don't have one!

Actually, you should just give it back as you clearly don't want it. Do without a tv for now and buy the tv you want when you can afford it. Job done, and your MIL can get her money back.

Just put it in one of the bedrooms and get a proper one that looks similar so she won't notice.

Your MIL bought you a 32 " TV as a gift and you are moaning? Maybe she couldn't afford to lend you money you wanted for your 42" "upgrade" you decided you was entitled to despite not having the money to "treat yourselves" in the first place!

God what an entitled thread.

but can't sleep because he's stressing about it the TV situation (first world problems, eh?)
Oh, really?

I think this thread would have gone very differently if you asked to borrow £100 (or whatever) from a friend who decided to rock up with an unwanted TV.

It shouldn't be such a drama though, should it?

"Oh Mum/Mil, what a lovely thought to treat us but it's not quite what we're after, you keep it/return it & we'll wait & buy exactly what we want".

Maybe she couldn't afford to lend you money you wanted for your 42" "upgrade" you decided you was entitled to despite not having the money to "treat yourselves" in the first place!

Then she should have said she couldn't afford to lend them money and then the OP would have to wait until they got paid.

If I can't afford to lend someone money I tell them no, I don't go out and buy them a cheaper version of what they wanted

I can't believe that people think the OP is being unreasonable. They wanted a specific TV and simply asked if they could borrow money until they get paid. They did not ask MIL to buy them a TV.

It's not difficult, either lend them the money or say no.

Will an HDMI splitter work? Reason I ask is one of our hdmi ports on our TV has died and swapping cables is really annoying. If we plug two separate things into the splitter how would the TV know which output to use?

/off topic

"It shouldn't be such a drama though, should it?"

No, it shouldn't with a loving, sensible DM/MIL that is not prone to histronics and huffability at the drop of a hat.

Unfortunately, not all are like that.

Theoretician donkeys live a lot longer than 10 years - try 45ish! But I have a donkey and no television so you can tell what piqued my interest in this thread

"No, it shouldn't with a loving, sensible DM/MIL that is not prone to histronics and huffability at the drop of a hat."

But then why indulge it?

What is she going to say/do?

Never buy them anything?
Never lend money?
Never see them?

So what?
All her choice!

Do you actually have a relative like this, diddl? The fall-out can be huge, as attested by many threads on MN.

Will an HDMI splitter work? Reason I ask is one of our hdmi ports on our TV has died and swapping cables is really annoying. If we plug two separate things into the splitter how would the TV know which output to use?

I mentioned splitters earlier, but doing a bit of reading I think I meant a HDMI Switch rather than a Splitter. A splitter would take one device and display it on more than one screen. The HDMI switch is the one that takes several devices and outputs a single one to the TV.

How does the Switch know which input port to output to the TV? There are possibly some with a physical switch on them, so you would press the button corresponding to port 2 if you wanted to view whatever was connected to that ports. I believe others are "auto" and will just detect the latest device to be switched on and autoswitch to that port as the output port.

But if you are thinking of getting one best to check what selection method they use, and which sorts of devices they work with.

I think there have been some very unfair comments on this thread. I don't think the OP is being unreasonable. They asked for a loan for something specific and were given something they didn't want or ask for and now the OP is the one left feeling guilty for not being thrilled with it.

OP - I'd just explain to your MIL that while you appreciate the gift and the thought, it isn't suitable for what you were after and ask if she can swap it, perhaps reiterating that you are willing to pay her the money back again. If she gets in a huff saying it was a gift etc. just stay calm and say that's really nice of her but you had your heart set on the 42inch model for xyz reasons.

The worst that happens is she withdraws her offer of help completely and you end up with nothing. In that case, wait for pay day - at least you won't feel guilty about it!

Good luck!

My FIL did something similar when I was expecting our first (whos now 14), he offered to pay for our pram which was very generous of him, told us to go to this branch of Mothercare...where we discovered he had chosen and paid for it. I did feel terribly ungrateful but gutted that I didnt get to choose it myself

Same here !! But I told mine to take it back, there is no way I could have used another pram - every single day for now - 8 years, putting in the car, taking on public transport, shopping with it - it was a personal thing and not at all something that could be chosen for me!

Op I feel for your Mil however its the kind of thing my DM would have done, out of the goodness of her heart and she will think you love it and are grateful.

However with technology moving so fast, I do totally understand your want - to get the best you can get right now, as lets face it - it will be obsolete tech wise in a few months. What is wrong with this?

Their big mistake was asking for the loan. But again, so what??? I would hope my relations with dc are good enough they could ask me for a loan, good enough for me to say " can I just buy you one. do you have something in mind" good enough for me to say " I cant afford to buy you THAT tv - however I can give you x towards it????"

OR good enough for me to say " I cant lend you any money ATM" and them be fine with that.

I can imagine, if I were richer, hearing my children say they wanted a particular TV and buying that TV as a surprise gift, but I can't imagine in any circs buying them a completely different one, meaning they were unable to get what they wanted and had to put up with something I had chosen. It's bizarre behaviour

Actually its quite common behaviour, I know DP - who have done this thier dc because its sort of sending a message - " I can buy you something just as good and cheaper"

The problem with in-laws who infantilise you is they encourage you to be dependent on them, and your DH will be very used to doing so. It's so easy - just ask mum and dad and the problem goes away. But there is another price, and it's independence. Hopefully you'll be able to make him see that

^^ this.

Op I would just say - MIL this is such a wonderful wondeful gift however we had our eye on a TV, dh was sooo looking forward to this particular tv...please return ir.

It's not a kindness at all, it's adults making decisions on the behalf of other adults in order to control them.

^^

yy.
also think the saftey aspect is your card - play it !! who can argue with that !!

In future don't give family the power to belittle your DH by not giving them details of your lives except the v positive successful ones. By being a bit brusque and firm they might have more respect agree but isnt it sad?

the prize for most patronizing post goes too,....

"YABU to be so reliant on TV. Try living without one for a year - you can do loads of cool stuff - read books, make things, play games, baking, crafts, letter writing, go out for evening walks, etc etc etc."

I think people who criticise TV watching should stop using the internet too if they are so self righteous. Surely they are too busy....

Seeing as how you do not now have to pay your MIL back, and will have the money anyway by payday, then just buy the one you want. Then you can either put your MIL's gift in another room (even if you don't use it), so it will be there for whenever she visits.

I know this is not the point of the thread but I do think your husband is actually very immaturely. How can he cope with the huge stresses and emergencies of being a nurse, yet stays awake all night worrying over a television? Yet alone not having the patience to wait until payday for a non essential item like a television. Maybe time to grow up a bit?

Japa - thank you! That makes sense. I'll look for one of those...