To be annoyed MIL bought us a TV

[EverythingisShiny]

So back story, our TV broke about 2 weeks ago, the cost to fix it will be too pointless so we decided to buy a new one, an excuse to have a little upgrade. The one that is broken is a Samsung full HD LED 32".

My OH contacted his mum to ask to borrow some money for a new one, which we will pay back when over time pay comes in. He told her which one we want, basically a Samsung full HD LED 42". Want to get it from John Lewis as the price is good and comes with a 5 year guarantee. Which is all fine. She agreed, and said she would phone us on monday. Monday comes around, she hasn't called. Today she has very kindly turned up with a new TV for us. Only, it is an older model, an LG, it is 32" and is not full HD. It is however a Smart TV, which is why she probably thought it was good (we have no real use for Smart TV, our consoles and Blu Ray do that already, plus we have Sky). It only has one HDMI port, which is a right pain for us. We always need to switch from Sky, to Blu Ray, to Consoles, and fiddling with ports and switching cables gives our son the wrong idea. We don't want him to pull it down on himself. There would be no way of fixing the TV down on the one she has bought us.

The subject is really going to be painful to bring up and difficult to not sound really ungrateful. Because we are grateful, it was very kind. We just wish she had spoken to us and, you know, actually asked us what we want.

We thought about keeping it and just going ahead with our plan of getting a new one, but we'd seem extremely ungrateful if they see it. And ask if it wasn't good enough. The fallout would be horrific. So is it better to just be honest?

We're also wondering if we return it to store, can we get it refunded in cash, so we can put it towards one we want, kind of like on the subtle so his mum doesn't really know? She doesn't actually come round to the flat often. We thought of exchanging it and putting down the difference, but the problem is, it's from Argos. We both really hate Argos for things like this, we've had many problems with them before. Plus as far as I'm aware, they don't offer a guarantee as good as John Lewis, if any.

To top it all off, my OH is the youngest of 4. And despite being 31, the only one of them to go to Uni and have a professional career (he's a nurse), and being an extremely good Dad, he gets treated like a baby by them and treated like he doesn't know anything. Now he's trying to get some sleep after a night shift, and has another one tonight, but can't sleep because he's stressing about it the TV situation (first world problems, eh?).

/rant over.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

If you don't want it then tell her!

Take it back, give her the money back & buy what you want.

Argos is typically good at accepting returned items without question. As for being treated like a baby, well that's what happens when you behave like one. Why did you ask for a loan rather than waiting and saving for a new one? A TV isn't essential.

You still sound very ungrateful. How would you feel had you done this for your DIL and they were behaving as you are?

Their TV broke! It's not like they decided they didn't like the look of it any more!

It's such a ridiculous thing for your ILs to have done but you'll get no sympathy on MN I'm afraid. Your MIL knew very well which TV you wanted, and bought a different one, in a different size, despite having agreed she could lend you the money. The only thing you can do is ask them to return it, and explain why - and your reasons are sound, it's not suitable for what you need, it's not safe. I don't think you can really ask for the loan again, which given they're obviously able to afford to lend you the money, is a shame. How fast could you pay it off if it went on a credit card?

The problem with in-laws who infantilise you is they encourage you to be dependent on them, and your DH will be very used to doing so. It's so easy - just ask mum and dad and the problem goes away. But there is another price, and it's independence. Hopefully you'll be able to make him see that.

I was also going to ask, is it a gift or are you expected to pay her back?

I think that could change how you deal with it, as you would be paying for something you didnt actually want.

Is there much of a difference in price? It would almost be easier if they were, you could gush and say how you appreciate it but y doesn't have xxx that the other has.

Is there a way of gently working out if she bought it in cash it has take out some kind of 0% finance over a year?

"How would you feel had you done this for your DIL and they were behaving as you are?"

I can imagine, if I were richer, hearing my children say they wanted a particular TV and buying that TV as a surprise gift, but I can't imagine in any circs buying them a completely different one, meaning they were unable to get what they wanted and had to put up with something I had chosen. It's bizarre behaviour.

Maybe pack in Sky if you can't afford a TV.

You know you can get plug in adapters for cables?

Buying someone a downgraded version of the thing they want is not a kind gesture. Especially when you know they are not in a position to complain.

Sorry, do you have the receipt? Cos that changes things a bit if so.

Going against the grain here, this would annoy me too. My parents sometimes lend me money for things that I can afford but just not at that moment, or that I can't afford - it's not babying, they just have more money than I do and they're my parents and like helping me out with stuff. They'd hate to see me without a TV for long, in our family that's like not having a sofa. It would drive me mad if I asked to borrow money for a specific thing and they instead spent a not inconsiderable amount on a lesser version of the same thing. That would be such a waste of their money. If they didn't have it to lend I'd so much rather they just told me that and I'd wait to buy it myself.

I would ask her to take it back and get the one you want. It will be awkward but she knew the one you wanted was very different. You won't be able to borrow the money though, I think at this point that would be cheeky.

"Their TV broke! It's not like they decided they didn't like the look of it any more!"

Yes, & if they had waited, they could have bought exactly what they wanted without involving MIL.

You cant afford a new TV so ask MIL for some money. I really don't think you are in a position to get all snobby about where your TV comes from.

When people ask me for money to buy goods, i don't give it, i offer to buy the goods instead. At least way i know the money is going for it's intended purpose.

Try going without a TV whilst you save for the one you want, its amazing what we can get done around the house when the TV isn't a distraction

I don't think they'll give you the cash back because they'll want the card it was purchased on (unless mil paid cash).

In their t&cs, you aren't the customer, because although you have the receipt you didn't pay for it. I think they might give you a credit note but not a cash refund.

Is it out of the box?

I'd be tempted to say how much you love her for having bought it, but you are embarrassed to accept it as a gift. Then say, that you would like to buy it from her but you were a bit surprised that it only has one port. So, would it be horrible to ask her to return it and then you'll save up and buy the multiport one that you've found as you think that's the best deal you will be able to get (and its 42 inches which is a bonus).

If you praise her generosity and show enough humility, you might just get away with it.

I actually think OP's requirements are not unreasonable. Argos is shit for electronics, faffing around with cables is a pain and there's a lot of differences generally.

Unfortunately OP, beggars can't be choosers. When you borrow money you leave yourself open to this kind of well intentioned but not quite right gift.

I'd return it for a refund and explain to your MIL the specs weren't quite right for your set up. Explain it as a techy thing.

But the money should go back on to her card or be given back to her and you should wait until you can afford to buy a TV to get the one you really want.

YANBU

You asked for a loan - she agreed. You also told her which TV you had set your minds on and told her where you intended to buy it from. I totally understand why an upgrade would prove better value than getting an older model repaired (usually costs almost as much as a new one anyway).

She decided to buy you a TV as a gift - this is lovely, as you acknowledge - BUT, she bought something entirely different from a different shop. WHY?

If she'd wanted to give you it as a gift, she could have told you you needn't repay the money. She didn't have to buy it herself, choosing one that is not what you want (maybe she liked it better; maybe Argos didn't do the model you wanted) and as a result you have been landed with an expensive gift that is not what you had in mind at all.

I see no problem with borrowing off your parents. We've never done it, but our son has borrowed off us on occasions (car repairs etc) and given us the money back his next pay day. It isn't infantilising your husband at all, despite what others are saying. It's one of those things - they're family and you help each other.

I would get in touch and thank her, but ask if she can return it. Tell her it doesn't have the facilities you need, and does have stuff you'll never use.

She may or may not lend you money after that, but if you are contemplating buying the model you want anyway, it's better to do it than have a perfectly good TV lying in the attic collecting dust.

(I confess that I have a dog in this ring - when I was young my parents would ask me what I wanted for Xmas etc, but NEVER got what I asked for. They always got what they thought I should have - usually something much more expensive, occasionally a"better" (in their eyes) version of what I'd requested, but often something totally different (e.g. I longed for a "Dansette" when I was 12 - they bought me a HUGE tape player/recorder because they thought it was better value in the long run. I cried - I can feel the disappointment even today. I never used it. You can't play singles on a tape machine . . .)

Tell her, thank her, get what you want, with or without your help.

*last "your" should be "her"

Act like you love the TV, wait one year, buy a new one then.

John Lewis used to do a thing where you could pay over three months without having to pay interest. Have they stopped that?

OR you could get a John Lewis card - if you were able to pay it off when your first bill came in you wouldn't need to pay anything.

cancel the sky go to freeview and save up the £30 a month or whatever it is for sky to buy the tv you want... sell the blurays at a local CEX and just use netflix on a new customer deal. £6 a month or whatever. . saves on ports too.

You are sounding a bit spoiled tbh because your complaints about it seem a bit silly. Argos offer both a standard and an extended warranty (although I have no idea if your MIL purchased one or not)You can get a multi-port/splitter as a PP suggested. Lots of people use them.
If you think there is genuinely a problem with the TV capacity then read reviews of the model. If they confirm there is an issue then you could possibly 'tactfully' say to MIL that you want to change it because you've seen there have been some issues with that model and you'd hate for her money to be wasted.
But you are being UR to be annoyed and seem to be looking for points to complain about. Your MIL bought you a gift from a place of kindness.

How did MIL pay? If she paid using a bank/credit card it legally has to be refunded that way. Otherwise you'll have to exchange it for something else and pay the difference (if you're getting a bigger/better tv). Just make sure you do it asap as once the receipt is out of date you'll likely be lumbered with keeping it.

What's wrong with asking for a little help now and again (and OP has said it's the first time they have) It's no different to buying things from a catalogue or the likes of brighthouse. A TV may not be a need but in the modern world it is odd not to have one.

I can understand why you are upset shiny and why you feel a little awkward. If MIL had picked up something similar to what you were looking at (full HD with more ports, even if it was smaller) you'd have been quite happy. It's the fact that she's got you something different and it doesn't meet your needs but telling her that would make you seem spoiled.

I've no idea how you can approach it with her, just wanted you to know that not everyone on MN thinks you shouldn't have something if you can't afford it immediately. We would rather lend the money from MIL than pay the extortionate rate of interest a catalogue pays. Sometimes these things happen when funds are low and it can't be helped.

Has Op clarified whether this was a gift?

Wjhat I don't understand is why the actual buying of the TV also fell to MIL?

Is there a chance that it was a genuine mistake on her part that she bought the wrong TV?