To be annoyed MIL bought us a TV

[EverythingisShiny]

So back story, our TV broke about 2 weeks ago, the cost to fix it will be too pointless so we decided to buy a new one, an excuse to have a little upgrade. The one that is broken is a Samsung full HD LED 32".

My OH contacted his mum to ask to borrow some money for a new one, which we will pay back when over time pay comes in. He told her which one we want, basically a Samsung full HD LED 42". Want to get it from John Lewis as the price is good and comes with a 5 year guarantee. Which is all fine. She agreed, and said she would phone us on monday. Monday comes around, she hasn't called. Today she has very kindly turned up with a new TV for us. Only, it is an older model, an LG, it is 32" and is not full HD. It is however a Smart TV, which is why she probably thought it was good (we have no real use for Smart TV, our consoles and Blu Ray do that already, plus we have Sky). It only has one HDMI port, which is a right pain for us. We always need to switch from Sky, to Blu Ray, to Consoles, and fiddling with ports and switching cables gives our son the wrong idea. We don't want him to pull it down on himself. There would be no way of fixing the TV down on the one she has bought us.

The subject is really going to be painful to bring up and difficult to not sound really ungrateful. Because we are grateful, it was very kind. We just wish she had spoken to us and, you know, actually asked us what we want.

We thought about keeping it and just going ahead with our plan of getting a new one, but we'd seem extremely ungrateful if they see it. And ask if it wasn't good enough. The fallout would be horrific. So is it better to just be honest?

We're also wondering if we return it to store, can we get it refunded in cash, so we can put it towards one we want, kind of like on the subtle so his mum doesn't really know? She doesn't actually come round to the flat often. We thought of exchanging it and putting down the difference, but the problem is, it's from Argos. We both really hate Argos for things like this, we've had many problems with them before. Plus as far as I'm aware, they don't offer a guarantee as good as John Lewis, if any.

To top it all off, my OH is the youngest of 4. And despite being 31, the only one of them to go to Uni and have a professional career (he's a nurse), and being an extremely good Dad, he gets treated like a baby by them and treated like he doesn't know anything. Now he's trying to get some sleep after a night shift, and has another one tonight, but can't sleep because he's stressing about it the TV situation (first world problems, eh?).

/rant over.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I wouldn't ask my friends even though they are really good friends, but my family are really really close. I guess it depends on the family dynamics but just because some of you wouldn't ask your families, it doesn't mean that others are wrong to ask theirs'

Why is Sky an essential?

Because they already have it and are already paying...? This isn't a "what can I get rid of to afford my telly" thread. I have plenty of money to be paying for all sorts of extras on my telly but I would struggle to find a couple of hundred at once for a new telly close to pay day. Doesn't mean I'd start thinking about what extras I can cut.

Even if the op did decide sky wasnt necessary she still has a contact with them which means it could be months and months because she no longer has to pay!!

True diddl . I wouldn't have a problem with telling them that too.

If your DH doesn't want to be 'treated like a baby' then tell him to act like an adult and politely tell his mother that, whilst you appreciate her gesture, the TV she bought doesn't suit your needs and you'd like to return it and have her money refunded to her. It's then up to her to offer to give/loan the money for the model you do want or decline to do so (perhaps she can't afford the more expensive one you want?

I don't see it as any different than if she (or anyone) had bought me an item of clothing that didn't fit, or something for my house that's the wrong colour. One can appreciate (and be grateful for) a kind gesture whilst at the same time returning an item that isn't fit for purpose.

Aww that is pretty ungrateful tbh I'd just keep it and use some of the money I was planning on spending on new tv to do something nice for mil.

I don't see you are unreasonable to 'upgrade'

It makes sense to when the tv breaks - 32 inch is pretty small for a TV nowadays.

Technology moves on quickly and tbh a 32 inch led LG with one HDMI and not HD is pretty poor in tv world.

You asked to borrow money. You were paying it back on payday. Not sure why she didn't do this.

Tbh there is so much choice and they all look at lot the same but the differences are big.

I would just get your OH to talk to her and explain that the gift is very kind but you had seen another model in JL that is bigger and suits you needs better, 5 year guarantee etc so could she return the tv to Argos and lend you the money it cost. Put the rest on a credit card

Are you sure the Argos returns policy applies to everything? They didn't used to accept returns in electrical items. They might have changed that now but I don't think it's guaranteed that you will be able to return it.

Why is Sky an essential?

Because they already have it and are already paying...? This isn't a "what can I get rid of to afford my telly" thread. I have plenty of money to be paying for all sorts of extras on my telly but I would struggle to find a couple of hundred at once for a new telly close to pay day. Doesn't mean I'd start thinking about what extras I can cut.

Even if the op did decide sky wasnt necessary she still has a contact with them which means it could be months and months because she no longer has to pay!!

This ^^

I would just keep it and have a slightly worse tv

YA deffinately NBU! All you asked was for a loan to buy a tv, whilst you waited for a paycheck to come in...You didn't ask for a gift, or asked MIL to front the bill until further notice, I'd assume you told her that DH was getting paid soon.. And you even told her exactly which tv you were going to get, so why on earth she decided to interfere try and help you out and get a totally not even similar one is beyond me! Maybe she simply thought X-amount of money was too much for a tv and this one was only Y-amount and did all these other fancy things?! I'd explain to her the reasons you wanted the other tv, and the reasons the one she bought is not suitable, and then kindly ask her if it would be okay to change it. You have every right to be 'choosy' here, it's you're tv, which you're paying for!

I get it, I don't think you're ungrateful.

it is annoying i took ages picking my tv coz i wanted the right spec

your dh mistake was to tell her which one you wantd she prob got confused and just thought they were smiliar

just tell her it doesnt fit the games console and its a lovely gesture can she swap it for another

There is a lot that is weird here. Why do you have all that other techy stuff if you are having to go to ILs to get money to buy a TV? Why do you need a massive tv? There are plenty of smaller ones that work just as well. You don't need to go to John Lewis.

You need to think much more about budgeting and becoming financially independent and much less about buying tech gadgets.

How about you take the TV back to argos and exchange it for something that your ILs would love. Give that to them as a gift and say that you've realised that you need to learn to stand on your own two feet. Then turn over a new leaf and start budgeting. I think that your whole family dynamic will change for the better.

Good luck.

If you don't want to talk to MIL about it, I would suggest a bit of light deception. Take it to Argos, and see if you can get a refund. It's possible you won't be able to without the original card (if she paid by card). If you can, take the cash, add some extra and buy the one you want from JL. If not, see if you can get a model you want from Argos as an exchange (putting up extra money).

Then if your MIL comes round and notices, say there was a problem with the TV (i.e. it didn't work) and when you returned it they didn't have that model in stock. Say you didn't mention it before because you didn't want to sound ungrateful.

How about you take the TV back to argos and exchange it for something that your ILs would love. Give that to them as a gift and say that you've realised that you need to learn to stand on your own two feet. Then turn over a new leaf and start budgeting. I think that your whole family dynamic will change for the better.

If I gave some one a gift and they returned it and bought me something with the money I'd be right pissed off.

AGenie as well as being smaller the TV that MIL bought isn't even full HD and it only has one HDMI port etc so it's not just about the size, it's about the functionality too. The TV sounds like it belongs in 2006, that's how low tech it is.

Yanbu to want to choose your own tv, it's something you use a lot after all and 42 vs 32 screen size will make a big difference.
It looks like asking for the loan was a tactical error though as it's given the signal that you can't easily afford the new TV and perhaps caused your well meaning MIL to think that a gift of a more modest spec is the best thing for you. She could have discussed it with you though before buying.
I would be grateful but honest with MIL and ask her to take it back, and get the one you want when your overtime payment comes through.

I see the Mumsnet paragons of virtue are out in force today, with an extra helping of being too lazy/half-arsed to read the OP's posts properly.

OP, for the record, I don't think you're being all that unreasonable. I think you may need to stretch the truth with MIL - not compatible with other tech you've got, you'd so hate for her incredible generosity to be wasted, etc etc.

Your description of the 'fallout' if you returned it/suggested it wasn't perfect suggests she may be a bit of a drama llama. For the record, my mother has done some lovely things for us. She clearly does them from the motive of them being right for us, as she double and triple checks she's got the exact right thing, even in the face of us saying 'anything would be lovely!'

I sometimes wonder about the motives of gift givers when they know exactly what the recipient would like, but choose something a little different.

OP, Ignore the superior judgypants on this thread.

My Dbro lives on a very limited income and often needs financial help but I used to buy things for him without realising that I was simply feeding my own ego rather than being genuinely helpful.
I now make sure I ask him if he needs anything or wait to be asked. He gets to choose what he wants and I just provide the readies.

I think you need to sit down with a cuppa and cake and explain the situation to the in-laws. Hopefully, they will get it and not make it all about themselves as many people on this thread clearly have.

OP yanbu. It was a nice gesture from your MIL but the tv isn't suitable for your needs and you will just need to be honest with her. Emphasise that your very grateful but the tv just isn't suitable, you won't be able to ask for the loan again though...
To PPs who have suggested getting rid of sky/blue ray players etc and just using freeview/on demand/Netflix not everyone is able to utilise these things. The OP isn't necessarily in this situation but as someone who lives rurally in Scotland our broadband is severely limited and most streaming platforms just don't work with the lack of bandwidth. We pay a fortune for satellite broadband but need to be careful with streaming and downloading as we don't get unlimited data. So "cheaper alternatives" wouldn't be appropriate

Sorry, I'm struggling to see beyond borrowing money from someone to buy a telly.
I'd be mortified to borrow money from anyone, it'd have to be a real emergency.

You should be able to return it to Argos and get the money on your card or a gift card. You can then buy the TV you want.

As UK is still in the EU at the moment, you have a 2 year warranty. Argos will extend it for a further year.

John Lewis doesn't have 5 years on all products anyway.

As someone mentioned before, thank the person who bought you the gift, and say given the safety concerns with DS we are going to swap it. You are accusing your in laws of babying your partner. Aren't you treating them as immature individuals by not telling them?

OP get your TV fixed to the wall or something so that there's absolutely no danger of your DS pulling it down on himself however much he fiddles with cables; kids are killed by TVs.

Apart from that, I don't think you are being unreasonable, you know the TV that you want and John Lewis, with its excellent guarantees is a grea place to get one from.

Bloody hell I feel poor I have a 22inch tv with in built DVD player no hdmi and HD, it's just a TV. I refuse to fork out cash just to see a larger pinker peppa fucking pig .We only watch the news, the odd DBD and have freeview. It's probably only switched on for about 3 hours a day, but we're not a big tv watching family.

In your position I'd accept the tv and purchase a hdmi splitter, but I'm very British and too polite sometimes

Haha!

My dad has just got rid of a smallish telly that must have been about as deep as it was wide!