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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed MIL bought us a TV

212 replies

EverythingisShiny · 21/09/2016 10:46

So back story, our TV broke about 2 weeks ago, the cost to fix it will be too pointless so we decided to buy a new one, an excuse to have a little upgrade. The one that is broken is a Samsung full HD LED 32".

My OH contacted his mum to ask to borrow some money for a new one, which we will pay back when over time pay comes in. He told her which one we want, basically a Samsung full HD LED 42". Want to get it from John Lewis as the price is good and comes with a 5 year guarantee. Which is all fine. She agreed, and said she would phone us on monday. Monday comes around, she hasn't called. Today she has very kindly turned up with a new TV for us. Only, it is an older model, an LG, it is 32" and is not full HD. It is however a Smart TV, which is why she probably thought it was good (we have no real use for Smart TV, our consoles and Blu Ray do that already, plus we have Sky). It only has one HDMI port, which is a right pain for us. We always need to switch from Sky, to Blu Ray, to Consoles, and fiddling with ports and switching cables gives our son the wrong idea. We don't want him to pull it down on himself. There would be no way of fixing the TV down on the one she has bought us.

The subject is really going to be painful to bring up and difficult to not sound really ungrateful. Because we are grateful, it was very kind. We just wish she had spoken to us and, you know, actually asked us what we want.

We thought about keeping it and just going ahead with our plan of getting a new one, but we'd seem extremely ungrateful if they see it. And ask if it wasn't good enough. The fallout would be horrific. So is it better to just be honest?

We're also wondering if we return it to store, can we get it refunded in cash, so we can put it towards one we want, kind of like on the subtle so his mum doesn't really know? She doesn't actually come round to the flat often. We thought of exchanging it and putting down the difference, but the problem is, it's from Argos. We both really hate Argos for things like this, we've had many problems with them before. Plus as far as I'm aware, they don't offer a guarantee as good as John Lewis, if any.

To top it all off, my OH is the youngest of 4. And despite being 31, the only one of them to go to Uni and have a professional career (he's a nurse), and being an extremely good Dad, he gets treated like a baby by them and treated like he doesn't know anything. Now he's trying to get some sleep after a night shift, and has another one tonight, but can't sleep because he's stressing about it the TV situation (first world problems, eh?).

/rant over.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 21/09/2016 11:28

I'd be annoyed too. It's not a kindness at all, it's adults making decisions on the behalf of other adults in order to control them.

Maybe she was a bit funny about you purchasing an expensive telly, but in that case she shouldn't have said yes to lending the money.

I'd probably nicely explain that it's not quite what we were after so will be going back, but it's okay, we'll wait until payday now rather than borrow. Thanks so much though, it was a lovely thought.

RubbleBubble00 · 21/09/2016 11:28

Taken it back. Get a refund and buy the one you want. But explain to mil before hand that it's lovely but you need a tv woth more than 1 hdmi port for the stuff you need to attach to the tv.

Benedikte2 · 21/09/2016 11:29

Exchange the tv for the one you want. Guarantee won't be the best but beggars can't be choosers. This way you'll only be paying for the upgrade and not the whole cost. Guess MIL thought that model was the better bargain or maybe was shocked at the price of the model you requested.

MardyBra · 21/09/2016 11:31

Why are lots of people assuming that as an older woman the Mil won't understand "techy stuff"?

nocampinghere · 21/09/2016 11:31

YABVU

keep the TV
save up for the one you want

couldn't you have just bought one on a credit card ?

SuePermario · 21/09/2016 11:32

I don't think you sound 'entitled' or 'ungrateful' op. You wanted what you wanted, it's not a crime. It's a tricky situation and you don't want to cause offence, just do what you think is right. End of the day, it's just a bloody TV, and MIL will get over it if you choose a different one

PovertyPain · 21/09/2016 11:33

Actually, OP, that would annoy me a bit too. I know she meant well, but you aren't children and have, this once, asked for a loan. It seems silly for her to so end money on a gift that's so different from what you want. She would have been better lending you the money or even saying no to the loan. I wouldn't want to be stuck watching a TV I didn't ask for.

sizeofalentil · 21/09/2016 11:33

Think people are being quite harsh to you OP - you asked for a loan, not for them to choose the TV for you.

Could you make up an excuse for exchanging it: eg. it isn't compatible with something else you have, and ask her if she'd mind if you got a refund and exchanged it for one that is?

But, to be honest, saying that you're scared your DC will pull it down would be more than enough of a reason to exchange it.

Sparklesilverglitter · 21/09/2016 11:35

I think I can see where your coming from.

I know the mil has done a kind thing and I am sure her heart is the right place but I wonder why she went out and brought the tv when her ds had explained he wanted a money loan and explain about what to he would buy.

If your DH has a good relationship with his Mum? Could he not just speak to hear and say he thinks wires were crossed somewhere, and although the tv is a nice thought and his of course grateful the problem with it is X

i don't think your get a cash refund unless mil paid in cash
Do places even just refund TVs if you've only changed your mind

SemiNormal · 21/09/2016 11:37

To top it all off, my OH is the youngest of 4. And despite being 31, the only one of them to go to Uni and have a professional career ..... yet you can't afford a TV?? Sorry but I do find that shocking. I think rather than worrying about the TV you need to worry about putting some money away as a safety net for when things go wrong ie replacing TV, washing machine etc

Bluebolt · 21/09/2016 11:37

This can be difficult for parents when they are put in a lending money situation. I hate when family ask as I feel if I can afford to lend I should give and I remember lending money to my brother and I was the shit one for expecting it back. MIL has made a decision that was not hers to make but equally was put in a position that many feel awkward.

MrsJayy · 21/09/2016 11:38

I have an LG tv in fact all our Tvs are LG they are great anyway yabu and selfish and ungrateful but stick it on ebay and buy your samsung from John Lewis if thats what you want

Original poster

EverythingisShiny · 21/09/2016 11:38

Might I add, at no point did my OH ask his mother to buy him a TV. Nor did at any point ask for the full amount. When my OH phoned, it was her that asked which one, etc etc. We would have been perfectly happy if we were told no. We would have waited.

Our son is only 3, he has learning difficulties at the moment, so yes, changing the cables round can be all too tempting for him, and if he pulls it down on himself because we can't fix it down, it's going to be hideous.

For those commenting on the tech we have. It's all fairly old. We do not go around buying things like that willy nilly. We have a short fall of money right now because out rent is £800, we have council tax to pay, bills to pay, childcare to pay, travel to pay. Our land lord just sold the flat so we may or may not have to move. We have money for absolute emergencies. So asking for a bit towards a new tv so we could have some entertainment is not asking somebody to buy us things.

No we can't pack in Sky, we need an internet connection for Uni and work things, the TV package is the cheapest and our only form of entertainment. We don't go out. My son can get in horrific tempers and certain TV shows can help to calm him down.

I appreciate that we probably are being unreasonable here, and advice is being listened to re returning, exchanging, etc. but let me make this clear:

We did not ask to be bought a tv. We do not buy unnecessary things. Please don't jump to conclusions.

OP posts:

EdmundCleverClogs · 21/09/2016 11:38

MardyBra, it's not really about being an older woman, more about being from a generation that very likely just plugged in a tv (with video). I wouldn't expect many people to know the names of the various wires that can be used to hook up TVs to devices- HDMI, USB, scart, red/white/yellow pins, screw in cable. Of course it's an assumption to think the MIL wouldn't know of these things, but it's not wrong to think it's unlikely.

However, we have a tv with only one HDMI port and quite a few consoles and a couple of laptops that occasionally get hooked up, we manage just fine.

MrsJayy · 21/09/2016 11:42

Most adults with or without degrees would buy a tv they could afford not hi spec from an expensive shop maybe his parents treat him like a baby because he stresses about televisions and latest cadgets

MrsJayy · 21/09/2016 11:43

Sell it Op if you dont want it just sell it

diddl · 21/09/2016 11:44

"When my OH phoned, it was her that asked which one, etc etc. "

Ok, so that might have been an indication that she would take over.

But when she turned up with the wrong one, why wasn't she told then?

emotionsecho · 21/09/2016 11:45

You've got a few options OP:

Talk to your MIL, thank her but say the TV is not compatible with the current equipment you have could could she take it back and get a refund and revert to the original request of lending you the money for a new TV of your choice from the supplier of your choice.

Take it back to Argos and get a refund, give the refund back to your MIL and save for the TV you do want from the supplier you want to use.

Take it back to Argos yourself and exchange it for the TV you want and pay the difference (if they stock it), or, exchange it for a TV that fits your brief better with or without having to pay extra.

Keep it and make it work better for you by buying an HDMI splitter.

Option (3) is the easiest, will cause the least upset and produce the best overall compromise.

greenfolder · 21/09/2016 11:45

For heavens sake. Your need or want for a TV to do the things you want seems pretty modest to me. To make the best of it, take it to Argos answer swap it for one suitable. Let mum know that you realised it didn't have the ports needed so have swapped it for one that has. And thank you. Job done surely? Or strongly play the unsafe for the baby line!

LifeInJeneral · 21/09/2016 11:50

Was it bought on card? If so I think you can only get a refund onto the card so options are have an awkward conversation with MIL or take it back to exchange. If they don't do an extended warranty that suits you you may be able to buy one directly from manufacturer.

fittedcupboard · 21/09/2016 11:50

No-one needs Sky. Freeview has what, nearly 100 channels? You can get much cheaper internet if you don't take the TV. It is entirely your own decision, but Sky is a luxury that many people manage without.

ReginaBlitz · 21/09/2016 11:50

You are being so fucking ungrateful it's unreal! You wanted to treat yourselves yet you had fuck all money to do so..you would have been borrowing off them anyway but now they've bought it and saved you a lot of money on something you couldn't afford.

DeadGood · 21/09/2016 11:52

YANBU OP, though it's not surprising that the usual "you sound grabby and entitled" bores are sounding off as usual.

However - and I don't mean this in a bitchy way - the emphasis on TV in your household is a bit much. You say it's your only form of entertainment - that's a problem.

God knows the TV can be useful with toddlers around, especially spirited ones that need a bit of calming down at times. They are brilliant for giving you a break too. And there's nothing quite like curling up at the end of a long day in front of it.

But it does sound like this is an everyday thing at your place, which to me doesn't sound normal. Time to expand your horizons.

Sorry OP I know you didn't ask for lifestyle advice but it leapt off the screen at me so I couldn't not say anything. Plenty you can do at home (as you say you don't go out) that isn't TV or a console.

Good luck with your MIL, what an awkward position she has put you in - I would echo PPs who say, overdo it on the "you are so generous" side but also highlight the safety angle. Maybe you could get a credit note with Argos, if you decide to go above her head - and accept the less-good warranty as the a side effect of having not paid for most of the TV x

SantinoRice · 21/09/2016 11:53

You can get a little adapter that plugs into the HDMI port & means you can plug all your hdmi things in at once & toggle between them.

If that's your only real problem, then woo, free tv

Wonderflonium · 21/09/2016 11:53

Maybe just keep it for until you can afford the one you want and then have this one in another room when you upgrade?

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