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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL bought us a TV

212 replies

EverythingisShiny · 21/09/2016 10:46

So back story, our TV broke about 2 weeks ago, the cost to fix it will be too pointless so we decided to buy a new one, an excuse to have a little upgrade. The one that is broken is a Samsung full HD LED 32".

My OH contacted his mum to ask to borrow some money for a new one, which we will pay back when over time pay comes in. He told her which one we want, basically a Samsung full HD LED 42". Want to get it from John Lewis as the price is good and comes with a 5 year guarantee. Which is all fine. She agreed, and said she would phone us on monday. Monday comes around, she hasn't called. Today she has very kindly turned up with a new TV for us. Only, it is an older model, an LG, it is 32" and is not full HD. It is however a Smart TV, which is why she probably thought it was good (we have no real use for Smart TV, our consoles and Blu Ray do that already, plus we have Sky). It only has one HDMI port, which is a right pain for us. We always need to switch from Sky, to Blu Ray, to Consoles, and fiddling with ports and switching cables gives our son the wrong idea. We don't want him to pull it down on himself. There would be no way of fixing the TV down on the one she has bought us.

The subject is really going to be painful to bring up and difficult to not sound really ungrateful. Because we are grateful, it was very kind. We just wish she had spoken to us and, you know, actually asked us what we want.

We thought about keeping it and just going ahead with our plan of getting a new one, but we'd seem extremely ungrateful if they see it. And ask if it wasn't good enough. The fallout would be horrific. So is it better to just be honest?

We're also wondering if we return it to store, can we get it refunded in cash, so we can put it towards one we want, kind of like on the subtle so his mum doesn't really know? She doesn't actually come round to the flat often. We thought of exchanging it and putting down the difference, but the problem is, it's from Argos. We both really hate Argos for things like this, we've had many problems with them before. Plus as far as I'm aware, they don't offer a guarantee as good as John Lewis, if any.

To top it all off, my OH is the youngest of 4. And despite being 31, the only one of them to go to Uni and have a professional career (he's a nurse), and being an extremely good Dad, he gets treated like a baby by them and treated like he doesn't know anything. Now he's trying to get some sleep after a night shift, and has another one tonight, but can't sleep because he's stressing about it the TV situation (first world problems, eh?).

/rant over.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
InformalRoman · 21/09/2016 14:36

You don't need to go to John Lewis
John Lewis doesn't have 5 years on all products anyway.

JL has 5 year guarantees on Samsung TVs (in fact on all TVs). That's why JL is waaay better than Argos for buying a TV.

JAPABiamtheonewhoknocks · 21/09/2016 14:40

OP no real advice but I do not think you are being unreasonable as far as preferring to make your own selections. I am the type of person who, when it comes to electronic equipment, likes to do a bit a of research and pick things based on reviews and the features that I know will be useful and/or needed by me. The 'not enough HDMI ports' thing is exactly why I like to know what I am getting rather than just, essentially, getting a randomly selected item.

A possible compromise to consider is that I believe you can get HDMI splitters where you plug several devices into the splitter then maybe have to select a switch on it depending on which one you want fed to the TV. I believe such things exist anyway, and much less hassle than physically unplugging cables.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/09/2016 14:51

If this were me, I would try to compromise.

If Argos will accept the TV back, and MIL paid using a card, then I'm pretty sure they would only refund back on to that same card. However, they may well be happy to exchange the TV for a better one, with you paying the difference.

The problem with that is that you would still have to wait until payday to get a new TV, and obviously could not use the gifted one in the meantime.

The compromise would be not being able to buy from JL. I understand why you prefer JL for this sort of thing, but ultimately, it's a tiny compromise to make to not cause a major issue with MIL.

I can think of no way to give the TV back to MIL, or ask her to go with you for a refund and then lend you the cash, without appearing exceeding ungrateful! Sorry!

43percentburnt · 21/09/2016 14:54

You are meant to present the same card for a refund - however I accidentally used the wrong card (different bank) for a refund and it was fine.

LagunaBubbles · 21/09/2016 14:55

YABU to be so reliant on TV. Try living without one for a year - you can do loads of cool stuff - read books, make things, play games, baking, crafts, letter writing, go out for evening walks, etc etc etc

Well funnily enough I watch what I want on TV that I enjoy and do all that other stuff to. Hmm

gamerchick · 21/09/2016 14:56

Take it back and ask if it can be exchanged. She probably hasn't paid much attention to it so won't know it's been swapped.

If you can't use it for now and get another one when you can and stick it in a bedroom. You can still say the new one is the one she got it she says anything.

Saying as little as possible is what I would do in this case.

ChickenSalad · 21/09/2016 14:57

Keep it until you have more money (if the one you want costs more) then sell it on eBay and buy the one you want. MIL will never notice the difference.

It's lovely that she agreed to lend the money but I find it a bit controlling that she then just decided what TV you ought to have rather than, you know, actually just lending the money as agreed.

AnnieOnnieMouse · 21/09/2016 14:57

Talk to her - explain it - you're very grateful, but the setup doesn't work with your other kit. It sounds the sort of thing I could do accidentally, which is why I'm very careful if buying something for either of my DC's and their partners. I know I'd feel mortified if any attempt at being helpful just caused problems, so do let her know, ask if she'll help with getting a refund or exchange. I agree with you about buying in JL - often no dearer, and with a better guarantee.

43percentburnt · 21/09/2016 14:58

I'd get your dh to be honest and get her to return it. Then buy from JL on pay day. I totally get why you want to buy from JL.
I also would have lent my dd money in your situation.

gamerchick · 21/09/2016 14:58

Fwiw there's no way I could cope with a telly without enough ports for my needs. There isn't a compromise when it comes to a main tv.

Optimist3 · 21/09/2016 14:59

Just return it and upgrade. If mothers law ever asks say that DH had his heart set on a 42 inch screen and that it was very kind of her to think of you

Optimist3 · 21/09/2016 14:59

She might not even realise it's a different telly if you don't tell her

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/09/2016 15:02

YANBU OP. But if you really think she would be angry if you were honest with her then I don't know how you would exchange without causing the sort of ruckus you fear. I would just stick with it for a couple of months, then get the TV you want when you don't need to borrow the money for it. Shame that it's a bit of a waste of the TV your MIL bought, but that would appear to be money down the drain at this point if she will be upset at being asked to do what you originally asked instead.

I disagree with many of the posters here. I don't think it's particularly thoughtful of your MIL to have gone out and got you a different TV when she knew you had looked into what would really suit you. Especially after agreeing to lend you the money and then doing this without even talking to you. I think it's patronizing and controlling. But you have a lifetime to live with them and unless there's a lot worse than this going I wouldn't think it was worth fighting.

DancingDinosaur · 21/09/2016 15:08

Take it back and get the one you want.

YelloDraw · 21/09/2016 15:17

Well it is annoying to have been bought one you don't want, but WTF you couldn't just have waited until payday I don't know!

RachelRagged · 21/09/2016 15:58

Is there not another room you can use the TV in OP ?

As for your ideal TV you could still get that by using the overtime money toward it like you planned . Sorry if you have stated MIL bought the replacement TV outright and you no longer have the money you did have toward new TV

RachelRagged · 21/09/2016 15:59

Not read full thread

2kids2dogsnosense · 21/09/2016 17:48

cupboard
Freeview has what, nearly 100 channels?

And most of them are rubbish.

Shiney and her husband wanted a specific TV - what's wrong with that? They enjoy watching SKY - their choice.

If MIL didn't want to lend the cash, that's fine - she could have said, "No". And for those who are saying the OP should manage on her husband's wages - they do. This IS something they can afford, but at the moment they didn't want to dip into their "rainy day" money. And just because someone has a profession it doesn't mean that money is dripping from their bums! Housing etc can be very expensive, and we ALL tend to live up to our income.

OP - take no notice. YABR- ask her to take it back if she can, if there is a difficulty,perhaps you could do as someone else suggested and ask Argos to take it back against the model you want, and you pay the difference.

MIL meant well, but as we know, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

2kids2dogsnosense · 21/09/2016 17:53

YABU to be so reliant on TV. Try living without one for a year - you can do loads of cool stuff - read books, make things, play games, baking, crafts, letter writing, go out for evening walks, etc etc etc

Bollox is she! She isn't "reliant" - they family enjoy it.

Shineys DH is a nurse and most probably works shifts. why shouldn't she be able to switch a bit of mindless entertainment on when she's got the DC to bed?

We don't all sit playing dominoes or singing around the piano these days.

2kids2dogsnosense · 21/09/2016 18:16

Bombay
I refuse to fork out cash just to see a larger pinker peppa fucking pig

You have no soul! It is the Bigness and Pinkness of Peppa that's the best bit Grin.

Badmaw · 21/09/2016 18:20

TheOP reads a bit like
"I want a pony"
gets pony "
I don't want a grey pony I want a pink one"
-stomps foot-

You should be grateful she got you anything. Maybe she's a bit skint this month too and it was all she could afford and thought she was doing you a kindness. Heard the saying 'beggars can't be choosers'? Seems apt here.

dybil · 21/09/2016 18:27

YANBU at all. Some of the attitudes in this thread are very pious.

Thank her profusely, but explain it doesn't have features you need for your devices and that you'd like to return it. Up to her if she wants to loan you the money thereafter.

No different to buying clothes that are the wrong size, except you'll probably use the tv a lot more than an item of clothing.

dowhatnow · 21/09/2016 18:31

And yet again how people think just amazes me. How anyone can argue that the op is BU and entitled and ungrateful, is beyond me.

grannycake · 21/09/2016 18:44

60 year old here and I am fully technically aware. Ageist bollocks again on Mumsnet

LineyReborn · 21/09/2016 18:53

I know, cake. I'm 55 and have just built a web site from scratch, including setting up all the subsidiary photographic and the scanning equipment to remake archive fieldwork images.

I also know how to buy a fucking telly.