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Original poster

MIL upset about lack of thank you card...

162 replies

allsfairinlove · 20/09/2016 17:11

Actually DP and I aren't married yet but for convenience sake I'm calling her MIL.

It came about because she gave me a card and book for my birthday. Obviously I thanked her, gave her a hug and kiss, thanked her again saying goodbye and emailed FIL the same evening to say thank you (MIL doesn't use Internet or have email address).

This was a week ago. This afternoon I received a an email from FIL saying MIL was upset she hadn't received a card yet but that he was sure it was in the post.

Truth is I did forget as its been frantically busy at work and initially when I read FIL's email I was mortified. But now I'm a bit annoyed and don't want to send one at all because it seems to me a complete overreaction although I realise I'm probably being a bit petty.

This isn't the first time and it's probably my fault for making a rod for my own back as I've always send cards after it arose the first Christmas I met PILs and I received a lengthy letter from MIL how rude and lacking in manners she thought it was, and that she was surprised as I had seemed "such a nice young lady". I should have just shrugged it off in hindsight but being a bit shy and lacking in confidence back then, I was embarrassed and felt terrible that I'd upset her.

Now though, her drama lama ways just irritate me.

My family don't expect thank you cards. And I was brought up thinking a call, text or email is fine.

DP says he gets stick too for not sending cards and that I should just ignore it because she'll only find something else to moan about. Grin

I'm about to go to the supermarket now and can easily pick up a card.

So, to card or not to card?

OP posts:
SheldonsSpot · 20/09/2016 17:13

Send her the card. And follow it up with an email about how disappointed you are that she hasn't sent you a "thank you for the thank you card" card.

MrsHathaway · 20/09/2016 17:13

Fuck sake.

You thanked her in person and sent a note (albeit electronic and to FIL's account) afterwards?

Is she always this melodramatic? The first incident would have had me running for the hills!

MrsHathaway · 20/09/2016 17:14

Sheldons, I've just seen you be equally brilliant on a parking thread. You ON FIRE today!

BowiesJumper · 20/09/2016 17:14

Well I hope she sends you a card to say thank you for your thank you card... That's how ridiculous it is if you have already thanked her verbally and by email! Thank you cards are for people you haven't seen in person to thank surely? Very old fashioned.

Original poster
allsfairinlove · 20/09/2016 17:15

GAHHH! Excuse typos in my OP as I'm on my phone...fat fingers!

OP posts:
Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 20/09/2016 17:15

Start the way you meant to go on for when she is an official mil! You thanked her and hugged her ffs. Or do you need Lizzy to send her a bloody official thank you document?? (Lizzy being the Queen!)

vulgarbunting · 20/09/2016 17:16

Don't card! You thanked her enough. It's ridiculous behaviour. The post-Christmas letter is just crazy.

My PIL are the same. And the size of the thank you card is directly proportional to how much you liked the gift. Apparently. Urgh.

MidnightRunner87 · 20/09/2016 17:16

Don't card..email fil back saying 'I haven't send a card on account of thanking mil in person twice and yourself via email. Sorry she's upset but I've been making a conscious effort to reduce my environmental footprint' or some such like Grin

butterfliesandzebras · 20/09/2016 17:16

My rule is that thank you cards are only for when the person isn't there when you open the present. If they are there, you thank them in person! (I also think a phonecall thank you is an acceptable replacement for a card).

oldlaundbooth · 20/09/2016 17:17

Don't send a bloody card. You've said thanks several times already, if you send a card you are making a rod for your own back.

I know only one person who still sends cards and even then I'm shocked. It's 2016!

Nice young lady Grin

AliceInHinterland · 20/09/2016 17:17

Thank you cards are for people you haven't thanked in person. You might force small children to do more than that, but only to keep them busy.

Ego147 · 20/09/2016 17:18

DF is like that with DS. DS said thanks on the phone and got a thank you text. But still he expects a thank you card.

We just do it now. It stops the complaints.

Tokelau · 20/09/2016 17:18

I think you only need to send a written thank you if you haven't thanked someone in person. You thanked MIL, so no need for a card.

If she sent you a gift, and you didn't see her, it would be polite to ring and thank her or send a card, not both.

SheldonsSpot · 20/09/2016 17:21

Why thank you MrsHathaway (your thank you card is now in the post).

MrsHathaway · 20/09/2016 17:24

Thank you for your card, Sheldon! Such a lovely view over the valley.

Your card is in the post.

OwlinaTree · 20/09/2016 17:25

Just send the card, it's not worth the aggro. It will take 15 mins tops to write.

MerylPeril · 20/09/2016 17:26

She's being ridiculous, you said thank you in person.

My DH did try to get me to send a thank you card to his DM for the thank you she had sent us. I told him to get lost.
He thought it would make her like me. No chance

Thing is this sets a precedent, you do things differently, you need to establish that.

PumpkinPie9 · 20/09/2016 17:26

You don't need to send her a card as you already thanked her in person. Just email back and say that mil must have forgotten that you did already thank her in person. You could say that as she's forgotten you will send her a card to thank her again this time. But next time pay more bloody attention when you thank her in person as you won't be doing double thanks again

ShatnersBassoon · 20/09/2016 17:28

Is she hoping someone will want to catalogue her correspondences at some point? Confused

Don't send the card. It's bloody stupid, wanting an official thanks for a small gift that she's already been thanked for.

BarbarianMum · 20/09/2016 17:29

I thought thank you cards week only for those you didn't thank in person barbarian by name, barbaric by nature.

PinkSwimGoggles · 20/09/2016 17:29

don't send her a card!
a card is for when you can't thank in person.

Arfarfanarf · 20/09/2016 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elliejjtiny · 20/09/2016 17:30

Thanking her in person should have been fine.

I'm Grin at nice young lady. Reminds me of when I met DH's elderly great aunt and she told me "nice girls don't travel on trains dear, come on the coach next time". It's been 14 years and I'm still Shock whenever I think about it.

ParadiseCity · 20/09/2016 17:30

I dare you to send her a postcard or one from the touchnote app thing BUT DON'T SAY THANK YOU IN IT. Make it about something else 'saw this and thought of you' type of thing. It doesn't come in an envelope and it doesn't say thank you. BUT it is a card. Her mind will explode.

Plaintalkin · 20/09/2016 17:30

I think as she gave you the gift in person and you thanked her at the time , no thank you card is necessary. If you get a gift through the post then a thank you card lets the sender know you've received the gift.

Your MIL is being precious and over the top. Tell her how it will be going forward. Then if she doesn't like it she can stop buying you gifts.