AIBU to not want MIL to host DS's 1st birthday party in her house and let her bake the cake?

[Popularcontrarian]

First off, just to say my MIL is well intentioned, but by god she is bossy and controlling sometimes.

MIL and FIL have booked to go away for the weekend of our DS's birthday. MIL is upset by this and would like for us to have a party for DS the previous weekend, in their house, with her baking the cake.

Am I unreasonable to tell them no? I thought it would be nice to have the party on the weekend which falls the day after his birthday, it'll be in our (small) house and me, the proud mama, would like to attempt to bake his cake.

I wouldn't mind, but my in-laws are ALWAYS going away and this night away is actually a voucher for a fancy hotel we bought for them nearly two years ago, and they book it on the weekend of DS's birthday?

When I said I'd do the cake, MIL said, 'but my friend Lucy does ALL her grandchildren's cakes!'

What?

But she would still host the bday party! She can just say to mil we are.doing the party at ours on the weekend you're away but happy to come over to yours for cake and present the weekend before. No issue and op will seem c petty if she says no you can't bake him a cake. Again it's not an either or. My mil sometimes does a cake for my dc too and I think it's nice; they get two cakes!

Noooo. If mil hosts a party the week before then she has hosted OP's kid's first birthday party, as in the first party the OP's kid ever has, will be hosted by mil.

OP's party will be the second party. Do you see?

So...the firsts that come with the first birthday party like the cake, the candles, the song etc...all of which he has yet to experience and the novelty value of which you can never replicate, would be the privilege of the bloody mil!

It's. Not. Hard.

Therefore;

It is not controlling to want to host your kid's first birthday party yourself!

Omg.

If the MIL hosts a birthday party the weekend before the OP's party, then she will be hosting his first birthday party, and baking his first birthday cake, not the OP.

Hence my suggestion that the MIL be asked to have her party the weekend after the OP's - then everyone should be happy. The OP gets to host the first ever birthday party and bake the first ever cake for her child, and the MIL gets to host a party and bake a cake too.

And if the MIL does get upset at this suggestion, it would prove that she wants to muscle in on this special milestone for the OP.

But OP does!

But the OP will care, Navy!! Don't her feelings matter at all??

No but the kids mother does, and that's good enough reason! Sometimes these things are important to parents, regardless of whether you agree with it or not.

The bloody mil can have her party after!

And we're back to why mil's wants trump OP's.
Here's a thought...they bloody don't!

If you say so.

Let your MIL host "a" party and make "a" cake. You do his "official" birthday party, take photos of him with his birthday cake that you've made and put one in a frame in your house, even give you MIL one, then that memory will stick (if it's important).

Gosh, my mum gave me a surprise 50th birthday party two weeks before I was 50, plus a cake. It didn't bother me, and I'm sure your one year old won't mind either.

What has that got to do with it? Don't invent shit in order to take a pop ffs.

Thank you pictish and SDT for fighting the good fight for me!

My husband completely sees what I mean and thankfully we're on the same page as one another on this. We're having a small party the morning after DS's birthday and MIL and FIlL will be invited. We've purposely chosen the morning to accommodate their weekend, if they cannot make it, no big deal, they can do something the following weekend.

MIL doesn't know this yet and she might not be too happy about it but at least we're presenting a plan that should work out for them. As for the cake, I've already said I'd do it and she's was in a bit miffed about it (i.e. the Lucy comment and she also mentioned she does other DGC's cakes). But I'm sure she'll get over it!

Stick to what you've been told...as in what you actually know.
This is not a mil bashing thread. OP likes her mil...she simply wants to host her own baby's first birthday party herself. It really is that basic.

And yes, of course I know our 1 year old won't remember it, it's about establishing tradition and having those as our family memories.

If they were to the host the party, the photo thing would definitely happen, they've done it before. It's all well intentioned (as per my original post and in other, I don't hate my MIL, I actually quite like her!), but it's still irritating that she takes ownership of things and it's something I'd like to nip in the bud.

Glad to hear it OP, that is a fair compromise to include everyone. Please stick to your guns.

Well, Navy- I can say catagorically that, yes, I would have given the same responses if it had been the OP's mother wanting to host a party, instead of her MIL.

Because I am responding to the fact that the OP is not happy about someone else hosting a birthday party for her son before she gets to do it - and it doesn't matter whether it is her mother, her MIL, or the Queen - if her feelings are the same, my response would be the same.