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AIBU?

AIBU that she calls herself aunty?

163 replies

Brandysnaps76 · 19/09/2016 21:25

My brother in law has a girlfriend of 14 months. She's significantly younger than he is. It's a large family, with many siblings and nieces/nephews. Since the beginning, she's always referred to herself as 'aunty X' with my own children and the other cousins. She calls them her nieces and nephewsI find this to be...I'm not sure what the word is, maybe presumptious? We do consider her part of the family, but I just find it too soon to be committing to 'aunty'. Me and my husband have been together a long long time, married last years and it was only when i became pregnant with our first (4 now) that other members of the family referred to me as aunty. And up till then I referred to them as my partners nieces and nephews whenever they came up in conversation.
AIBU to be miffed by this? She can be overbearing and in your face at the best of times, but maybe its just me to think that they've not been in a relationship long enough yet to commit to these roles?

OP posts:

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NataliaOsipova · 19/09/2016 22:24

I hate to say it, but I suspect it's one of those things that, if you think she's basically nice and that she means well, you'll have to suck up in order not to cause unwarranted offence! As I said, I think your best strategy is always to refer to her as "Jane" rather than "Auntie Jane" and hope your kids take their lead from you. If she questions it, you can always say that you find those sort of titles a bit old fashioned and then it doesn't appear that you don't like her, which, I'm afraid to say, is probably the (unwarranted) conclusion that she may draw if you pull her up on it and ask her not to.

DerekSprechenZeDick · 19/09/2016 22:24

I think you have an issue with her age and the fact family have accepted her

It's fucking weird. For her sake let her know she can back away from you

Brandysnaps76 · 19/09/2016 22:24

Actually you're coming across here as though you're jealously 'guarding your territory'.

A bit put out by the 'young newcomer'?

That's not a nice way to act.

There is no competition here. I'm sure there's room in the family for both of you.

I'm really not. Like I said, it's a big family with plenty of other aunties and uncles, and it's never a competition with any of them for anything.

OP posts:

Pardonwhat · 19/09/2016 22:25

You actually sound really jealous and quite nasty about the woman. Maybe you were an excessively immature 21 year old but that doesn't mean that she is. A lot of people have had a child calling them 'mum' before they are 21. Somehow I'm sure a 21 year old can cope with the responsibility of being "auntie".

I think you're being petty and a bit weird.

DoreenLethal · 19/09/2016 22:26

My nieces call me by my name. I hate the word aunty. Yuk.

Brandysnaps76 · 19/09/2016 22:26

But you been an idiot at 21 hasn't fuck all to do with her.

She isn't an idiot. Just someone who has uprooted herself to be with someone and believes she's accepted by the family when obviously she isn't

Her age has nothing to do with it. People have kids by 21. Been an aunt is literally just a title

You don't know that she isn't an idiot, you don't know her. She has obviously been accepted by the family but it's the issue of giving herself a title that I have a problem with.

OP posts:

Brandysnaps76 · 19/09/2016 22:27

You actually sound really jealous and quite nasty about the woman.

Where have I been jealous or nasty exactly?

OP posts:

NataliaOsipova · 19/09/2016 22:28

It's not jealousy - it sound to me like the OP is just a bit irked that the girlfriend has taken it upon herself to refer to herself as the aunt. It sounds like it's for positive/well meaning reasons, so the OP is reluctant to pull her up on it....but good manners/maturity would probably demand that you wait until the children's parents start to refer to you as "Aunty" before you adopt the title for yourself.

DerekSprechenZeDick · 19/09/2016 22:28

Then tell her she isn't to refer to herself aunty if you are so arsed about it.

She's either family or she isn't. Or is she family but just on your terms?

Pardonwhat · 19/09/2016 22:29

In the part where you repeat about 21 times that she is 21. You don't like her one bit and that's very obvious.

Ameliablue · 19/09/2016 22:30

I think the problem is that you are judging her by your own standards. You don't see yourself as aunt too your oh nieces and nephews so you don't think she should. You were an idiot at 21 so think she must be too. You are being very unfair to her.

Brandysnaps76 · 19/09/2016 22:31

. In the part where you repeat about 21 times that she is 21. You don't like her one bit and that's very obvious

If I didn't like her I would have said so in my first post. Read my other posts where I've stated really clearly that I do like her.

OP posts:

BrightOranges · 19/09/2016 22:31

You consider her part of the family but not enough to call her auntie? And what does her age/age gap have to do with it?

Brandysnaps76 · 19/09/2016 22:32

. It's not jealousy - it sound to me like the OP is just a bit irked that the girlfriend has taken it upon herself to refer to herself as the aunt. It sounds like it's for positive/well meaning reasons, so the OP is reluctant to pull her up on it....but good manners/maturity would probably demand that you wait until the children's parents start to refer to you as "Aunty" before you adopt the title for yourself.

Finally, somebody who gets it!

OP posts:

NataliaOsipova · 19/09/2016 22:32

Then tell her she isn't to refer to herself aunty if you are so arsed about it.

But the OP doesn't want to do that because it would upset her. And she doesn't want to upset her because she likes her and thinks she means well.

ilovegin112 · 19/09/2016 22:32

I feel sorry for this poor girl thinking she is part of a family when she is not, maybe she grew up with loads of aunties and uncles who cares, I presume if she was pointedly ignoring your dc you would be finding fault with that as well

Lynnm63 · 19/09/2016 22:32

I think YABU firstly are you sure it's not your bil who has told her to be aunts x. Secondly her age means nothing or how long they've been together. I was with my dh, DP then, for three years when bil married wife 1. Other sil had her kids christened the two official 'married' sils were asked to be godparents I wasn't because she said 'you might split up'. I wasn't bothered either way BUT fast forward we are still together and married many years now and the two sils long divorced and no longer in any contact with the family. You have no idea how long she will be around.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 19/09/2016 22:32

" I've been with husband almost 30 years. He has 2 nieces and a nephew and I am not their aunt. I have one nephew , my husband is not his uncle."

Now, this is what I find strange and very unfriendly.

What is unfriendly about it? They are his family, not mine. I married him, not his family. I am not part of his family. If he were to die there would be no reason for them to have any contact with me or vice versa.

Brandysnaps76 · 19/09/2016 22:33

She's either family or she isn't. Or is she family but just on your terms?

She can be considered family without the self imposed title of aunty though

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2016 22:33

Honestly the more you post, the more territorial/jealous you sound.

You've been with your DH 10 years.

You weren't called Auntie until you got pregnant.

You didn't do this or that etc...

Well she's not you. She's her own woman and she's doing it her way.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 19/09/2016 22:33

Maybe she's just trying really hard to be nice? That's her first mistake, clearly.

panad317 · 19/09/2016 22:35

Do you write "from Uncle x and x" in birthday cards etc. for DH's nieces and nephews?!

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Brandysnaps76 · 19/09/2016 22:35

Honestly the more you post, the more territorial/jealous you sound.

You've been with your DH 10 years.

You weren't called Auntie until you got pregnant.

You didn't do this or that etc...

Well she's not you. She's her own woman and she's doing it her way.

I stated more than once now that I'm not jealous or territorial in anyway. And I said that I couldn't care less if the kids called me aunty or not. Just that I think it's bad manners to give yourself the title.

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Gwenhwyfar · 19/09/2016 22:36

" I married him, not his family. I am not part of his family. "

How strange. I thought marriage involved joining each other's families. I thought a husband and wife became each other's family. They may not be your nieces and nephews by blood, but they are by marriage.

FluffyPineapple · 19/09/2016 22:36

My youngest children call their eldest brothers partner (of 4 years) their sister in law. I don't see a problem with that. She is very much a part of the family and treats my children like her family. I can't see the problem tbh

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