AIBU that she calls herself aunty?

[Brandysnaps76]

My brother in law has a girlfriend of 14 months. She's significantly younger than he is. It's a large family, with many siblings and nieces/nephews. Since the beginning, she's always referred to herself as 'aunty X' with my own children and the other cousins. She calls them her nieces and nephewsI find this to be...I'm not sure what the word is, maybe presumptious? We do consider her part of the family, but I just find it too soon to be committing to 'aunty'. Me and my husband have been together a long long time, married last years and it was only when i became pregnant with our first (4 now) that other members of the family referred to me as aunty. And up till then I referred to them as my partners nieces and nephews whenever they came up in conversation.
AIBU to be miffed by this? She can be overbearing and in your face at the best of times, but maybe its just me to think that they've not been in a relationship long enough yet to commit to these roles?

[Brandysnaps76]

.Although you have said you like her, the way you speak about her suggests otherwise.

It's perfectly normal to like people and still have some issues with things that they do, surely.

[DropZoneOne]

I have no problem with relatives being uncle/aunty. It's the friends who are no bloody relation whatsoever. DH referred to one of his (female) friends as "aunty x" to our DD, and I would always correct to "x" when referring to her myself. DD eventually said to DH "but x isn't my aunty" and that shut him up!

[WorraLiberty]

I stated more than once now that I'm not jealous or territorial in anyway.

And you can keep typing "I'm not jealous or territorial in any way", over and over again.

It's all the other words you've been typing that give it away. I think you need to be honest with yourself.

She's young, she's been accepted into the family that you had to marry into and become pregnant, before you were truly accepted (re your post about only then being called Auntie).

Your nose appears firmly out of joint, which is a shame because you two could become close if only you'd stop this nonsense about her age and what she chooses to call herself to your kids.

[NataliaOsipova]

Brandysnaps Thank you back!

[MyWineTime]

I've been with husband almost 30 years. He has 2 nieces and a nephew and I am not their aunt. I have one nephew , my husband is not their uncle.
I just don't understand this. You and your DH are aunt and uncle to 2 nieces and 2 nephews.

I can't get worked up about this. I had numerous aunts and uncles when I was young, and only a few of them were actually relations.

[Brandysnaps76]

*. I stated more than once now that I'm not jealous or territorial in anyway.

And you can keep typing "I'm not jealous or territorial in any way", over and over again.

IShe's young, she's been accepted into the family that you had to marry into and become pregnant, before you were truly accepted (re your post about only then being called Auntie).

Your nose appears firmly out of joint, which is a shame because you two could become close if only you'd stop this nonsense about her age and what she chooses to call herself to your kids. *

The family have never not accepted me? My whole point was that they never referred to me as aunty till I got pregnant, which I couldn't care less about either way, so to me it's a title that should be given to you, not one you assume yourself. How could I be jealous when she's done it herself?
And we are actually very close. I only mentioned her age to given more context.

[Mamatallica]

I think it's weird personally but each to their own. My DH spent a lot of time with my nieces when we were dating seriously and engaged but he only became Uncle after our marriage, same as he became my husband and my sisters brother-in-law, and my parents son-in-law, before that he was not part of our family. (Nor was I part of his, I do miss not having a MIL!)

[Heebiejeebies77]

I think for me, to have someone be considered my dd's auntie (or uncle), the person has to have a special and close relationship with me or my husband first. My sister is my dd's auntie, so is my best friend. If every woman I am friendly with is my child's auntie, then it makes it less special for the people who actually do have some real influence and connection with my little one's life. I had a friend at work who had this kind of presumptuous nature and it actually (along with some other things) distanced her from me. Only people who really mean something to us get to have that title. So no. Yanbu.

[WorraLiberty]

You're actually very close?

Blimey, I'd hate to see you posting about someone you're not particularly close to.

Look, they may be your kids but it's up to her if she wants to call herself Auntie.

You're making a huge thing out of it imo and about her age too.

It's really not a big deal, just as it really wasn't a big deal to those of us who were brought up to call lots of non relatives Aunt and Uncle.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I just don't understand this. You and your DH are aunt and uncle to 2 nieces and 2 nephews.

Why ? Because you say so? I am not related to his nieces and nephew. I married him- there is no reason why that means I take on his entire blood relations as well.

[Brandysnaps76]

. Look, they may be your kids but it's up to her if she wants to call herself Auntie.

So anybody can call themselves aunty to anybody's kids? I don't think it is up to her, really.

And yes we are close. Like I already said, I have an issue with her, as I'm sure everybody does in some way with everybody they are close to.

[OlennasWimple]

I'd be really upset if DH died and his family thought that they never had reason to see me ever again without him around. Maybe I'm just an old-fashioned gimmer, but I thought that getting married brought two families together.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I married him- there is no reason why that means I take on his entire blood relations as well."

I've already addressed this, but you haven't answered me.

[OlennasWimple]

Um, no, I don't have an issue with every one of my close family members - what an odd thing to say!

[TheNaze73]

YANBU. She sounds very presumptuous & is trying too hard to get her feet under the table

[Sparklemummyx0x0x]

So many family dynamics and opinions with this.
Personally, being an auntie isn't just a term for a relative, it's a special or lovely thing to be called.
My son's dad and I were together a few years, I am still very close to his immediate family. We split up just before his sister got married and had her first child. I am his auntie. I didn't ask, she just referred me as that so it stood.
Was very touched and quite emotional when I got my first auntie card from him and I got him a nephew one (and now a niece one too) My ex's wife is also an auntie. I find it lovely. To be thought of as that term shows they appreciate and love me enough to give me that honour.
Maybe my situation makes it different though.

[W8woman]

Reading between the lines, your not-SIL feels very confident in her relationship and very secure in the affections of younger members of the family.

You might find this presumptuous but it seems the children are fine with it - kids lose no time in snubbing people they dislike.

So is the real problem your own lack of confidence in your family ties?

[Brandysnaps76]

. So is the real problem your own lack of confidence in your family ties?

I think you're reading too much into this. I have no issues with my 'position' in the family.
And I've never mentioned how the children respond to her?

[LongWayRound]

If she "she uprooted her whole life¨ to join your BIL, maybe she comes from a different background to the rest of the family, one where it is normal for children to refer to any adults who are close as Aunt or Uncle, whether or not they are relatives? In which case she's just doing what would be normal in her own circle, and nothing to get upset about.

[midcenturymodern]

When I was a kid I called every adult Mr X or Mrs X or Aunty X or Uncle X. Calling an adult by something as naked as their actual name seemed horrifying. I quite like having millions of aunties. I totally don't get the angst, especially as she is in a relationship with their uncle and not some randomer.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

My kids refer to my group of female Uni friends of 30+ years as "The Aunties". It's nice, I like it. A kid can't have too many aunties in my opinion.

[MumiTravels]

My BILs wife has been an Aunty since DS was born even before they were married. She is just as valid an Aunty as blood relations. I would never dream of calling her anything different. She is part of our family. When DS see's them they are Uncle so and so and Aunty so and so.

There's more to family than blood. I'm an only child and it would really upset me that if when they have children they didn't deem me an Aunty because I wasnt blood related and only by marriage. I'd never be an Aunty if that was the case

You should feel happy for your children to have doting Aunties. I still call my Aunties and their husbands Aunty and and Uncle so and so at 26. My DH even calls my Aunties 'Aunty'.

[ShowMe]

OP, is your BILs girlfriend from a different culture? I've lived in countries where its really normal for women to be called Auntie even when they are not particularly close friends. It's normal friendly and respectful.

If it's not the case that she is from a different background then I think it is something you should try and get used to. I think the problem with mentioning it to her or anyone else is that it might appear that you are judging their relationship ....and that's not going to end well.

[metaphoricus]

What midcenturymodern said. In the village I grew up in, in the North,
every close family friend over the age of 18 would have been auntie or uncle.
It would have been very rude for a child to use an adult's first name.
As it appears this young woman was not brought up local to the area, it's very likely that she has no idea that she has done anything wrong.(Which she hasn't) How can she know that what was normal and commonplace in her own upbringing is completely unacceptable in her new locality?Give the poor girl a break. It's difficult enough to move away from your roots, without having to walk on eggshells in case you say or do something foreign and upset the natives. Been there, done that.