AIBU that she calls herself aunty?

[Brandysnaps76]

My brother in law has a girlfriend of 14 months. She's significantly younger than he is. It's a large family, with many siblings and nieces/nephews. Since the beginning, she's always referred to herself as 'aunty X' with my own children and the other cousins. She calls them her nieces and nephewsI find this to be...I'm not sure what the word is, maybe presumptious? We do consider her part of the family, but I just find it too soon to be committing to 'aunty'. Me and my husband have been together a long long time, married last years and it was only when i became pregnant with our first (4 now) that other members of the family referred to me as aunty. And up till then I referred to them as my partners nieces and nephews whenever they came up in conversation.
AIBU to be miffed by this? She can be overbearing and in your face at the best of times, but maybe its just me to think that they've not been in a relationship long enough yet to commit to these roles?

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

She's uprooted her life to be with him so I kind of see why she wants to be in the family!

Don't blame her and it's harmless enough.

Not sure why moving in after a year needs another thread though

Can I ask, do you even like her? Doesn't sound like you do

[Lariflete]

DS' nursery workers were all called Aunty. Even now the children are in school, they'll refer to 'the aunties' or 'Aunty X' etc. I like it.
For one thing, they played an important part in the kids lives and for another thing we called (and still do) practically every adult we met more than once as a child Aunty or Uncle.
Although as a PP referred to the north of England, I'm wondering whether this is regional.
Anyway, I wouldn't let it bother you. Just don't refer to her as Aunty yourself if you don't like it.

[Brandysnaps76]

o be honest, I think having an extended network of loving, supportive adults if a wonderful thing for a child and should be encouraged - she obviously cares for the children and that's great, her 'title' shouldn't bug you so.
Yah, I totally agree with you on that. I guess I'm more annoyed than it's a self appointed title!

[ChunkyHare]

I think you need to check the dictionary definition of aunt

noun
the sister of one's father or mother or the wife of one's uncle.
"she was brought up by her aunt and uncle"

I moved in with Dh after 1 year, that was 19 years ago.

I cannot believe that the title of aunt only gets bestowed on someone who you perceive may be around for the future. Just be grateful they are interested in your children enough to want the title of aunt.

[TheLastHeatwave]

We do consider her part of the family, but I just find it too soon to be committing to 'aunty'

To me that really doesn't make sense, she's either considered family or not.

QueenLiz

I said to my sister: Im their Auntie, every female friend you have is not

How rude are you? HER children, HER choice. You can seethe in private if you don't like it. I hope she told you the same.

[NataliaOsipova]

I think the "declare herself" thing is key here. On the plus side, she sound ps fond of them, which, as a PP said, can only be a good thing for the children. She's probably just a bit young and over enthusiastic, if you see what I mean? But - and it's a big but - your DCs will take their lead from you. If you refer to her as "Auntie Jane", that's how they will think of her. If you refer to her as "Jane", I don't think the fact that she calls herself "Auntie Jane" will have that much of an impact. Presumably your DH/mum/ other family members don't refer to her as an aunt?

[MrsMook]

I probably began to think of DH's family as an extension of mine after I moved in with him. That was after one year, and I was my early twenties. Due to an age gap, and DH's position in his family, I was much younger than his siblings. I didn't directly call myself Auntie though, more referring to the DNs as DNs in general speech. The younger DNs have grown up with me around.

I was brought up with uncle and auntie being widely used for a range of step/ half/ great relatives and their spouses. I've always known what the exact relationship is. I also used auntie and uncle as a respectful title for close family friends. I haven't continued that with my DCs.

[Brandysnaps76]

I don't see how it's confusing for kids though. They understand that one relationship can end and another one begin surely? The only time kids need worry about that is when it involves their parents. Otherwise no.
My children are very young, so 'they broke up' wouldn't be a good enough explaination sadly, they wouldn't understand.

I do like her-just sometimes her age is very very obvious and she can be grating in different ways.

Just be grateful they are interested in your children enough to want the title of aunt.
I get this, but I just don't think that 21 is the best age to begin presuming you'll be an aunt in the family forever.

[pictish]

"My children are very young, so 'they broke up' wouldn't be a good enough explaination sadly, they wouldn't understand."

Much less care?

[Brandysnaps76]

She's probably just a bit young and over enthusiastic
I think this, in spades, is key here!

Presumably your DH/mum/ other family members don't refer to her as an aunt?
Some do, some don't. I haven't discussed it with any one else in the family so I don't cause a ruckus.

[JollyHockeyGits]

I don't think it's weird, DS has a few 'honorary' aunties and uncles, as do I. Lots of people would find that weird, but I would take it as a compliment that she feels close to your children, just as I took it as a compliment when a friend's child called me 'Auntie'. So I suppose these words are used differently for different people, but wouldn't be put out by it, particularly as you see her as 'part of the family' already.

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

Why is the fact she's 21 such an issue?

She has moved to be with him. It's serious enough for her to do that

Instead of looking down at her because she's young see that she's actually changed her life to be part of your family.

[WorraLiberty]

You're taking this far too seriously, with talk of her 'committing to the role' and you'd hate for the kids to get used to 'Aunty X and then she disappears'.

The term 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' can be (and always has been ime), just a simple term for someone who is close to the family.

Sometimes it's the parents friends and sometimes it's a family member's partner, or even a nextdoor neighbour.

Chill out.

If she disappears then she disappears whether they put the word 'Auntie' before her name or not.

[IzzyIsBusy]

Confusing for the kids

Excuse. I think her age is a big issue for you OP. Jelousy is not pretty.

[katienana]

I can't imagine having this split between nieces and nephews by marriage or by blood - to my eldest nephews they have the exact same relationship with me as they do to dh. In fact they probably prefer me! When I was a very little kid I wouldn't have known which aunts were my mum's sisters and which wasn't.
I was aunty from the start, my eldest nephew was nearly 1 the first time I met.him and I'd been seeing Dh for 6 months. I was just about to turn 21. Nephew is nearly 13 now! And now I'm an aunty to 5 and mum of 2. Love them all to bits.

[Blondieblondie]

My best friends kids refer to me as auntie and my son as their cousin, which is their choice and I think it's sweet. My DS refers to friends of mine and ex as auntie/uncle, but a very select few. But I'm a hypocrite because I don't like it for the situation the OP describes. I also hate when people refer to their boyfriends sister, etc as sister in law. I know it's irrational, but I roll my eyes every time is see it, I especially after only a year together.

[Brandysnaps76]

Why is the fact she's 21 such an issue?
She has moved to be with him. It's serious enough for her to do that
Instead of looking down at her because she's young see that she's actually changed her life to be part of your family.

I've been with DH since I was young and we're at 10 years together now. But at 21 I was still an idiot in many ways, and I didn't ever ever refer to myself as aunty within the family. I just think maybe they're still in the heady, romantic rush of first love and I don't know how sustainable the relationship will be. At 21 I would have moved to be wherever DH was but years on, older and wiser, I wouldn't.

[Gwenhwyfar]

" I've been with husband almost 30 years. He has 2 nieces and a nephew and I am not their aunt. I have one nephew , my husband is not their uncle."

Now, this is what I find strange and very unfriendly.

[panad317]

Does she have any siblings? If so, do they have children?

[Brandysnaps76]

Excuse. I think her age is a big issue for you OP. Jelousy is not pretty.

Believe me, I have nothing to be jealous about. Her age is an issue because I think it is young to be bestowing 'aunty' into your boyfriends family.

[WorraLiberty]

Actually you're coming across here as though you're jealously 'guarding your territory'.

A bit put out by the 'young newcomer'?

That's not a nice way to act.

There is no competition here. I'm sure there's room in the family for both of you.

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

But you been an idiot at 21 hasn't fuck all to do with her.

She isn't an idiot. Just someone who has uprooted herself to be with someone and believes she's accepted by the family when obviously she isn't

Her age has nothing to do with it. People have kids by 21. Been an aunt is literally just a title

[Brandysnaps76]

She has siblings but no nieces or nephews by blood. But I have a sibling, no nieces and nephews by blood, and didn't latch on to DHs family.

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

So she was 31, moved after a year then she could have the aunt title?!

[GabsAlot]

as a kid we were taught to calleveryone aunty x uncle x it was good manners

now it sems to have gone the other way