AIBU that she calls herself aunty?

[Brandysnaps76]

My brother in law has a girlfriend of 14 months. She's significantly younger than he is. It's a large family, with many siblings and nieces/nephews. Since the beginning, she's always referred to herself as 'aunty X' with my own children and the other cousins. She calls them her nieces and nephewsI find this to be...I'm not sure what the word is, maybe presumptious? We do consider her part of the family, but I just find it too soon to be committing to 'aunty'. Me and my husband have been together a long long time, married last years and it was only when i became pregnant with our first (4 now) that other members of the family referred to me as aunty. And up till then I referred to them as my partners nieces and nephews whenever they came up in conversation.
AIBU to be miffed by this? She can be overbearing and in your face at the best of times, but maybe its just me to think that they've not been in a relationship long enough yet to commit to these roles?

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Brandy, you say that you are close to this young lady, who has dared to deem herself "Aunt".
I think that you should be sitting down and having a chat with her, otherwise you risk splitting a gut.

[MyWineTime]

Why ? Because you say so? I am not related to his nieces and nephew. I married him- there is no reason why that means I take on his entire blood relations as well.
No, because that is the definition of niece/nephew/aunt/uncle

niece
a daughter of one's brother or sister, or of one's brother-in-law or sister-in-law.

aunt
the sister of one's father or mother or the wife of one's uncle.
informal
an unrelated adult female friend, especially of a child.

[RunningLulu]

Where I was brought up (Midlands) every adult you saw regularly (and who wasn't immediate family ie mum/dad/gran/grandad) was automatically aunt or uncle. It didn't matter how old they were or who started off referring to them as such. Tbh I don't think it's a big deal.

[SpookyPotato]

This is one of the oddest threads I've read on here. I can't believe someone would have an issue with this.. My partner and I weren't together long before I became aunty and it felt so welcoming. It's lovely for kids to have another family member who cares about them. I think you are the one coming across as odd and coldhearted. She sounds really enthusiastic about your family! This really shouldn't matter..

[londonrach]

Its just a name, she things alot of the children. If you lived up north half the town is aunt and uncle. You dont sound like you want her in the family. Id let this one go and worry about other things. Yabu

[Starryeyed16]

My DB has numerous GFs over the years and I had to have a quiet word that I didn't like them being referred as aunties. I think a name such as auntie or uncle should be given depending on the length someone has been together and if they live together otherwise it's massively confusing for kids

[Ameliablue]

It may be normal to have some issues with people you are close to but your comments on here are all very negative towards her beyond just having issues.
I would never talk about someone I'm close to on a public forum, the way you have.

[RiceCrispieTreats]

I let the parents choose how their children refer to me. I wouldn't presume to give myself a title, though.

I am "Aunt X" to a lot of children I'm not related to by blood ties, because that's how their parents have dubbed me (and I'm always secretly pleased when that happens, as it does signal closeness imo).

[heron98]

I think YABU.

What is wrong with her being referrred to as as Auntie? It's not hurting anyone. I think it's nice.

My sister and I have a very close friend. She is always Auntie X to our children.

[CatNip2]

Non issue for me, I also grew up in the north and unrelated adults who you were reasonably close to, ie good friends of parents, we're all called Auntie, it was far more respectably to say "Auntie Rita could I have a drink please" rather than "Rita can I have a drink please" when you are 7! And "Mrs Brown, could I have a drink please" would have sounded ridiculous.

My friends' children called me Auntie until they reached late teens then the Auntie bit just dropped off naturally.

We were never the nieces or nephews or our Aunties and Uncles though, unless we really were!

[AdaLovelacesCat]

all of our neighbours for about ten houses along were our Aunties and Uncles when were were growing up. Not sure what the big deal is. My friend has a friend who refers to her as 'Auntie' because the younger one used to be the foster daughter of the older ones SIL. There is about ten years between them. I think it is nice, esp for their children.

[phillipp]

This usethe oddest thread.

What does ' at 21 I didn't feel old enough to have the title' mean?

You don't have to be any age to be called aunt.

The issue is clearly they didn't call you auntie until you had kids and she has done it before your did.

If she is treated like family (really treated like family) it's not an issue. Her age, maturity, wether she grates or not has nothing to do with it.

Wether they are married or not, have kids or not. An auntie by marriage could always disappear and be replaced.

My sil got divorced when her Dd and my Dd were 3/4. She is now remarried. It wasn't difficult to explain and to be quite honest my Dd wasn't that fussed. Sils new husband is now 'uncle'.

I really don't get this or why it bothering you so much.

[Trifleorbust]

My sister does this with her boyfriend's nieces and nephews and I think it's weird tbh. If you're not actually related to someone, the honorary title should be bestowed by the family; you don't give it to yourself.

[metaphoricus]

What midcenturymodern said. In the village I grew up in, in the North,
every close family friend over the age of 18 would have been auntie or uncle.
It would have been very rude for a child to use an adult's first name.
As it appears this young woman was not brought up local to the area, it's very likely that she has no idea that she has done anything wrong.(Which she hasn't) How can she know that what was normal and commonplace in her own upbringing is completely unacceptable in her new locality?Give the poor girl a break. It's difficult enough to move away from your roots, without having to walk on eggshells in case you say or do something foreign and upset the natives. Been there, done that.

[ShowMe]

OP, is your BILs girlfriend from a different culture? I've lived in countries where its really normal for women to be called Auntie even when they are not particularly close friends. It's normal friendly and respectful.

If it's not the case that she is from a different background then I think it is something you should try and get used to. I think the problem with mentioning it to her or anyone else is that it might appear that you are judging their relationship ....and that's not going to end well.

[MumiTravels]

My BILs wife has been an Aunty since DS was born even before they were married. She is just as valid an Aunty as blood relations. I would never dream of calling her anything different. She is part of our family. When DS see's them they are Uncle so and so and Aunty so and so.

There's more to family than blood. I'm an only child and it would really upset me that if when they have children they didn't deem me an Aunty because I wasnt blood related and only by marriage. I'd never be an Aunty if that was the case

You should feel happy for your children to have doting Aunties. I still call my Aunties and their husbands Aunty and and Uncle so and so at 26. My DH even calls my Aunties 'Aunty'.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

My kids refer to my group of female Uni friends of 30+ years as "The Aunties". It's nice, I like it. A kid can't have too many aunties in my opinion.

[midcenturymodern]

When I was a kid I called every adult Mr X or Mrs X or Aunty X or Uncle X. Calling an adult by something as naked as their actual name seemed horrifying. I quite like having millions of aunties. I totally don't get the angst, especially as she is in a relationship with their uncle and not some randomer.

[LongWayRound]

If she "she uprooted her whole life¨ to join your BIL, maybe she comes from a different background to the rest of the family, one where it is normal for children to refer to any adults who are close as Aunt or Uncle, whether or not they are relatives? In which case she's just doing what would be normal in her own circle, and nothing to get upset about.

[Brandysnaps76]

. So is the real problem your own lack of confidence in your family ties?

I think you're reading too much into this. I have no issues with my 'position' in the family.
And I've never mentioned how the children respond to her?

[W8woman]

Reading between the lines, your not-SIL feels very confident in her relationship and very secure in the affections of younger members of the family.

You might find this presumptuous but it seems the children are fine with it - kids lose no time in snubbing people they dislike.

So is the real problem your own lack of confidence in your family ties?

[Sparklemummyx0x0x]

So many family dynamics and opinions with this.
Personally, being an auntie isn't just a term for a relative, it's a special or lovely thing to be called.
My son's dad and I were together a few years, I am still very close to his immediate family. We split up just before his sister got married and had her first child. I am his auntie. I didn't ask, she just referred me as that so it stood.
Was very touched and quite emotional when I got my first auntie card from him and I got him a nephew one (and now a niece one too) My ex's wife is also an auntie. I find it lovely. To be thought of as that term shows they appreciate and love me enough to give me that honour.
Maybe my situation makes it different though.

[TheNaze73]

YANBU. She sounds very presumptuous & is trying too hard to get her feet under the table

[OlennasWimple]

Um, no, I don't have an issue with every one of my close family members - what an odd thing to say!