To have sent all the children home from the sleepover, before they had even gone to sleep...

[Waterstick]

My son is shy, but seems to have made friends, so I thought he wanted a sleepover (he's 9) and most people are having them now.

When they arrived, they didn't really interact with DS, just between each other and every time they laughed, DS seemed to just come out to me.

I was upstairs doing general tidying, but hear DS start to cry, he was some how trapped in the toilet, the kids seemed to be engaged with the telly and wouldn't speak when I asked about it. DS cannot lock the door, but yet it's not hard to lock from the outside with a coin. DS swore to me that he never touched the lock so wasn't sure why he was stuck in there.

Honestly, the whole time it felt like they didn't want DS there and it was his party! The bit that then topped it over the edge was when my son was trying to put a DVD into the telly and one of them shoved him out the way and quickly changed the DVD. I saw that and told them that it wasn't okay and they were all going home.

It just wasn't on, I'm quite horrified.

Rant over.

I probably was being U though.

Well, the parents sound fairly sensible sorts on the whole then at least. I would also encourage some new friendships at school and some one on one play dates and sleepovers. I don't do group play dates, they usually end up with one being left out/in tears..

Sorry I forgot to add... If all else failed, I would absolutely have called the parents. Your child should feel safe and protected in his own home. And he needs to know that his grown ups will stand up for him.

YABU from the pov that once you arrange these things you pretty much suck it up and are around to monitor behaviour.
You have probably made it worse for him at school now. Although, obviously you were trying to look after your ds, maybe let him fight his own battles a bit and make sure in future you know the kids have a friendship with your ds.
There's nothing in your post that confirms all the children were bullies. Ok, one pushed him out of the way, you could have told him that's not what we do here and put ds dvd back on again. As for the toilet door, it could have been loose, ds may have done it by accident and not known. Just wondered how party children knew you could easily lock it with a coin and where they had got one from, seems a bit of a faff to lock someone in a room.

I'm on your side OP and actually think you were quite brave to send them all home. I would be mortified if I was called to pick my son up from a. Sleepover and told that he had being doing this so hopefully if the parents have any sense at all they will be having very stern words with the boys and it shouldn't be too bad at school on Monday.

I'm surprised at the amount of people who say they're worried about how things will go tomorrow.

These kids are 8/9, you tell the teacher what went on and why, and you let them deal with any problems that arise in school.

you certainly don't allow your child to continue being bullied in his own home to save face.

I'm glad most of the parents took it in good grace and were apologetic. It's unfortunate if you get a parent who thinks their child can do no wrong and won't listen/make excuses for them all the time.

I'm sure it'll all blow over and his school 'friends' will quickly forget the party. Hopefully some parents will have the sense to reprimand their child and that may help stop further bullying.

Perhaps you can do something as a treat for your son today as a family? Even just popcorn and a film. I hope he's not too upset and disappointed.

I think you did absolutely the right thing.

You showed your son that we don't have to put up with bullying to be polite. You showed him that you weren't scared of the bullies or of the repercussions. You proved to him that you are on his side, you support him and you will take action if necessary. He will remember the night as the time his Mum had his back, and children should feel that they can rely on their parents.

horrible to read this.

I remember turning round to a parent and child once and saying: "His brother, father and I think DS2 is the most exciting fun kid we know and we have a great time together here in our home." Accompanied by a death stare. The mother was mortified - the kid picked up his mother's mortification pheromones.

Now I'm trying to remember why I had to say it! .....It's coming back now... it was to passive aggressive mother and "lots to learn" child. They actually seemed to think they could speak to Ds2's family in Ds2's home about what a bore it must be living with him....

So:

1. Step one: your duty to stand up for DS. tick
2. Step two: your duty to Ds to get a better strategy... you're so right, you need an appointment with the teacher. Be open - teachers know a lot about these things but they'll only open up to you if they feel you can "take" the truth. I'm afraid you have to go into battle here - but subtly xx

best of luck, it's a horrible feeling xx

Little shits! Good for you, let the teacher know what went on as it might well continue on Monday.
You definitely did the right thing.

I think it has probably made things awkward even with the parents who apologised now. They are unlikely to want to send their kids even one at a time now which is a shame if the kids get on well at school. I'm always in favour of letting kids sort things through themselves as much as possible or having the minimum involvement needed. Dds friends have certainly shut her out of rooms and stuff. I would just explain that it's not kind and if they can't play nicely they can play in the room I'm in so I can watch them. I have found the less reaction you and your child give the behaviour the less other kids bother with it. For eg I don't storm up to the school the minute someone is mean to my kids. If it persists they know to find someone nicer to play with. The same at home they would watch tv, play with their sibling etc. Kids can be silly but it will probably be forgotten about between the kids before parents have forgotten their kids were sent home.

And 1 incident of kids being silly isn't bullying imo.

I think YABU if you knew your son was shy you should have arranged a shorter party.
Also you shouldn't have left the room.

It wasn't one incident though, it also wasn't silliness. It was damn right nastiness on multiple things.

He asked for the sleepover and who he wanted

One evening I mean. Unless the teacher/your son has reported problems at school? An hour or so of bad behaviour isn't bullying. My kids would have no friends left if I thought that. And they mostly play very nicely.

I'm wondering by some of the responses whether some of the boys' parents have turned up...

If it were my son I had been called to come and collect for these reasons I would be down on him like a ton of bricks and he would know that the slightest meanness to your son at school over this (and I myself would speak to the teacher and ask them to report to me) and the hefty sanction he would be getting anyway would be doubled. I can't abide meanness and exclusion. And as a guest

I think you did right, and you need to keep a close eye on things at schiool now. Maybe foster friendships one to one - these boys (after a full and sincere apology to you and your ds) and/or others.

I'm wondering by some of the responses whether some of the boys' parents have turned up...
My thoughts as well. I really cannot understand this victim blaming in some of the posts.

If that's aimed at me then no I'm not one of the boys parents. Just a parent of multiple kids who has seen this kind of thing come and go. I think it is an insult to children who are actually bullied to call leaving someone out and shutting them in a room once bullying. It is unkind and immature but a lot of 9yos can be unkind and immature at times and lovely at others.

And it's not victim blaming to suggest the op is being u in how she reacted. No one is suggesting the child was at fault for the behaviour. All the reaction will have achieved is to show these other children exactly how to upset the ops ds. If he had just gotten on with something else and ignored them (esp something fun) I would bet the other kids would have been flocking round to join in and likely wouldn't bother with the stupid behaviour in future as it didn't get the desired reaction.

I have 3 DC, I know what I'm talking about thanks. I teach my DC when other kids are being mean and unkind to walk away, to value themselves as deserving of being treated kindly.

bumsexatthebingo I'm curious to know what you'd have said if your child was one of the ones asked to leave? Not being argumentative, I'm genuinely wondering.

Mine are older but they had sleepovers with one friend at a time on a few occasions but it wasn't as big a thing as it appears to be now , nor was whole class party invites thank God .

OP YANBU in my opinion

I can't believe some people here have said you were unreasonable! They were little shits! That's not normal behavour.

My DD has one "friend" like this and luckily the other girls all squash it pretty fast...but if they were ALL like that I'd do the same! Poor DS! You've done a GOOD thing in showing him that he is too good to be treated like shit!

Bumsex if she had let them stay that would have taught her DS that when people are shits to you, the "right" thing to do is to let them get away with it!