To have sent all the children home from the sleepover, before they had even gone to sleep...

[Waterstick]

My son is shy, but seems to have made friends, so I thought he wanted a sleepover (he's 9) and most people are having them now.

When they arrived, they didn't really interact with DS, just between each other and every time they laughed, DS seemed to just come out to me.

I was upstairs doing general tidying, but hear DS start to cry, he was some how trapped in the toilet, the kids seemed to be engaged with the telly and wouldn't speak when I asked about it. DS cannot lock the door, but yet it's not hard to lock from the outside with a coin. DS swore to me that he never touched the lock so wasn't sure why he was stuck in there.

Honestly, the whole time it felt like they didn't want DS there and it was his party! The bit that then topped it over the edge was when my son was trying to put a DVD into the telly and one of them shoved him out the way and quickly changed the DVD. I saw that and told them that it wasn't okay and they were all going home.

It just wasn't on, I'm quite horrified.

Rant over.

I probably was being U though.

Your kid not urge kid

I sat in the room after they had been shits to him, as I said I wasn't before, I was upstairs doing stuff

Thanks everyone

I know this misses the point somewhat but why couldn't your son just have unlocked the toilet door himself?

I would have done the same thing. No way would I have let other children bully my child in their own home.

Well, I thought these were DS's good friends... He wasn't comfortable around them at all

Maybe I'll ask his teacher tomorrow morning then

Because he cannot do it, it's too stiff... It's incredibly difficult from the inside with little hands, that was said in the OP! I even struggle!

Really Bran? You think its preferable to keep her son in the same environment as children that are essentially bullying him in his own home infront of his mother?

No I guess I dont. Its a bit of an impossible situation. I would be worried about making things worse for him, but I honestly would have tought if he was socially awkward that a sleepover would be an incredibly difficult situation anyway and wouldnt have arranged one.

At least you now see what he has to deal with every day and can take more action

Actually I really admire you for protecting your son in his own home. That's the one place you can control what happens to him.
There is something about a sleep over that makes some children think they can be a bit wild and that they are not really being supervised. I've had a couple of occasions where I've regretted not being brave enough to take child home.
One nightmare sleepover for my daughters 8th birthday we had a group of girls stay, they flooded the bathroom which fucked all of the electrics in the house. Played truth or dare and one of the dares was to try and kiss my husband (he was mortified) all the while my dd just looked all wide eyed and panicked because she couldn't persuade anyone to calm down. One girl just kept giving me evil looks when I repeatedly asked them to go to sleep (got to about 3am).
Now the rule is only one person sleeps over at a time (no groups) and I'm very selective about who is allowed over.

I hope you explained to the parents of the boys why they were being sent home! Were they apologetic? Were the boys upset to be sent home?

I think yabu tbh. Only because I think the best way to react to nastiness is to show that you can have fun without them. I had a similar incident - not a sleepover but ds had friends over for tea who were excluding him. One of the neighbours called and I let ds play out (wouldn't usually if he had invited friends over but as they were playing without him anyway I thought it would be OK). Parents came to collect not long after and ds told them he was playing outside cos the others didn't want to play and they got a royal bollocking of their parents. And ds had fun with his friends. I would've just put the games console or something on with your son and let the kids who were behaving take turns on it. Kids can be shits but I think asking for them to be collected is making more of it than necessary.

I think it's good. I'd teach him some strategies for tomorrow - maintaining a 'so-what' attitude for a start - and might also let the teacher know what happened.

I've been shocked by the way some of my dd's friends behave in our house and only have a select few round. I've also decided she's simply not going to group sleepovers any more unless there is a strict/responsible parent there (which rules out most of her friends!)

I would advise choosing one friend for a sleepover next time rather than writing off the whole idea. Some children don't enjoy big social gatherings and find it hard to join in with the group. Perhaps this is your son. A group is also far more likely to egg each other on and get caught up in picking on one person.

I would speak to a teacher if the bullying is spilling over into school time. It sounds awful for your son.
I'd also quite quickly arrange a second sleepover with one friend so your ds has something to look forward to and can put this behind him.

How did the parents react to the termination of the sleepover? Do you think there will be bad feeling or were they apologetic that their children didn't behave?

Oh gosh that sounds dreadful for your poor DS. My son is about the same age and had a sleepover recently, his normally lovely well behaved friends seemed to turn wild and ended up breaking a few things and his bedroom looked afterwards as if it had been ransacked - toys taken apart and thrown on the floor, small pieces of jigsaws emptied out - you get the picture. Once I stepped in firmly however they calmed down a lot, but it was a very noisy and sleepless night for us all! Next time it'll be one friend at a time only.

It does sound like they were being very unkind to your DS though, I think I would have stepped in and told them off and then supervise closely, rather than send them home - just so DS doesn't get ostracised in school - obviously this is completely unfair to him too though.

Of course you did the right thing. I'd have told those kids how horrible I thought their behaviour was too. I think it teaches your child a good example to show that invitations can be revoked at any time, and that his boundaries are important. Teach him to do the same for himself at school, or look for help from a trusted adult and it shouldn't make things worse on Monday.

I'm a lioness for my child, won't accept people treating her unkindly and she's learnt to stick up for herself too.

You were definitely right to stand up for him.

Try to help him find some nice friends, maybe from outside school?

I'm sorry, but did your DS say he wanted a sleep over? Did he choose who to invite?

It's bullying behaviour from that group. I'd be worried about how he is treated in school and would ask the teacher to keep an eye on it.

What did you tell the parents?

I think you were completely reasonable under the circumstances. Why should your DS be bullied in his own home? I hope their parents understood why you did what you did. I'd be absolutely furious if any of mine were sent home from a sleepover for that, and full of apologies. Our DSs bedroom door used to stick shut and everyone knew not to close it. One of his pals shut him in laughing that he was going to die of loneliness in there and my DS was in bits. I promptly called his mum who was mortified and came and got him immediately. Fwiw I think you did the right thing, if you don't stick up for your son in his own home, who will?

One parent was a bit said her child has never had problems at sleepovers before, but the other 2 were really sorry and one got their son to say sorry to mine.

YANBU. I really regret not doing this on DS's 9th birthday a few years ago. They were fucking awful and he had a shit time. I look back and can't believe I let him down by trying to smooth over the situation rather than sending them home. I found out the next day that they'd actually thrown some of his birthday presents out of the window. Well done OP.

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like you intervened very much. You probably had your reasons for that, but it's a shame.

Mind you, by the time someone had locked him in the toilet I might have rather lost my temper (aka been brimming with incandescent rage).

I suspect I'd have given some kind of time out for all of the children, separating the children to break up the dynamic. Or giving them jobs to help out with the sleepover, like prepping food into bowls, arranging the sleeping bags etc. With the aim of making it clear that bullying and unkind was completely unacceptable in your house, and also to calm them down. Then I'd have stayed to supervise the 'fun.'

I'd probably have incurred the wrath of some parents if they didn't like me disciplining their little darlings, but I think I'd have done it anyway!

I think the ideal response would have been to get involved and take charge of the situation very firmly.

I would have set them some structured activities and stayed to manage their behavior. You needed to break up the group dynamic which children can get so absorbed in, and in the process you could have seen exactly who were the ring leaders and who were the sheep.

However, what's done is done, and I'd say it's all about helping your child with friendships in school and outside. I'd suggest an urgent meeting with his teacher and getting them involved in supporting social interaction and developing friendships. It will be hard to make play dates etc with these same children given what's happened now.

Bullying is horrible. Good luck to you and DS

I'll bet that child is the ringleader. The parents attitude is often the key to working out which one is the leader.

Maybe the parents of the ones who apologised/got their child to apologise (what I'd have done!) are the ones to invite next time, possibly one at a time? That way DS isn't going to feel left out, or ostracised at school, but still has something to look forward to? The one who's parent didn't give a shit, I'd avoid like the plague in case of future problems.

I'm totally with pud on this one, I would be mortified if I had to pick up my kid from a sleepover because they had bullied the party hosting child. I would march then right up to the op on Monday morning with a full apology to her and her ds.

You were right to get rid of them