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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when men 'joke' like this.

647 replies

KindergartenKop · 17/09/2016 19:29

Maybe it's not always men but I've never experienced a woman who has done this.

So today I took DS1 to a charity shop. He picked two books at 50p each. I gave Ds a pound coin. The man at the till took the books and said, 'That's four pounds please'. Ds looked worried and the man said 'Only joking, it's one pound'. We paid and left.
I've had people say this sort of thing to me so often and it always beffuddles me and makes me feel stupid. Am I the only person who attracts this form of idiocy? Aibu to be pissed off that this man worried my son? It's not fucking funny!

OP posts:
rackhampearl · 17/09/2016 20:56

YANBU. I fucking hate this type of humour. My husband is the worst for it and it's so humiliating but even worse when it's to a kid. Generally it's harmless humour and the man certainly didn't mean to embarrass your son but he did and that type of humour always does. Recently went to Tenerife and we were driving around when my husband pointed to a massive (ginormous) hill and said 'that's Mount Teide babe' I was really uninterested as I had stomach pain and it's me who had got our babies ready before thr trip (nightmare in that heat) so I said 'yeah, I know' to curtail the conversation and he's said 'hahaha is it heck' and started laughing and teasing me. I felt like a right idiot lol!

SapphireSeptember · 17/09/2016 20:57

I get it the other way around, I work in a café and have people acting like they're funny. I give them my best resting bitch face. They're not! (Especially the ones that ask for money out of the till every sodding time they come in.) As an aside I love it when little kids come and pay for stuff and give them my nicest smile.

Hysterectical · 17/09/2016 20:57

I think I would prefer to be considered humourless over this than agree with some of the biscuit givers on here. I usually find this a fairly humourless place but this has no amusing angles does it? And yet if the man had offered him a sweet instead of banter, 99% would be saying how awful he was, do you know how much sugar and salt is contained in a Haribo crocodile? Someone would suggest a report to SS to prevent him doing it again. Perhaps just log it with 101? What if the child had allergies? What the parents are vegan? How dare he dismiss the parents dietary preferences like that. For.25.bloody.pages.

panad317 · 17/09/2016 20:58

I hate these kinds of 'jokes', always end up feeling rubbish and stupid. I wouldn't have liked to see your child's face when he thought he didn't have enough money after being confident enough to pay by himself! Did he really expect a four year old to understand this 'joke'?

NavyandWhite · 17/09/2016 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FathomsDeep · 17/09/2016 20:59

Oh FFS there is nothing sexist about what the OP has said. She hasn't said all men do it, just that in her experience of this type of 'banter' it has been done by men. Why are you adamant that her experience is not valid?

VestalVirgin · 17/09/2016 21:03

Oh, I so hate the kind of person who makes that kind of joke.

And it is true that it is mostly men. To call out men on their asshole behaviour that is the result of male socialisation is NOT sexist. Sexist would be to imply that they cannot better themselves.

FanyUcker · 17/09/2016 21:03

Seriously, you don't believe this is sexist? Despite the fact that the title picks out that men do it? So is it fine if women do it then?

Vvlgari · 17/09/2016 21:05

This thread has pretty much eaten itself.

MotherDuckSaid · 17/09/2016 21:08

argh i hate it when pple do that my children !!
I also despised it being done to me as a child
I hate it when you get those weirdos that you've never met before who say things like 'ooh can i have some of ur ice cream' ? to your child in the park and ur child looks from them to you all confused and uncomfortable.
FUCK OFF !!

rackhampearl · 17/09/2016 21:09

Ah come on guys. Let's not turn it into the old 'sexism' debate. Every mumsnet posts turns into this. OP as already said she didn't mean it to be sexist and it's only because she's experienced it from men in her life. So to ignore the 'men' part. Chill out. The post isn't even serious enough to bring sexism into it. The man didn't do anything wrong to your son OP but it is very annoying. I'm just smiling now thinking of all the times my husband as got me. It's not funny at the time, I hate his guts at the time. But it's making me chuckle now, the prat lol. Don't toy with kids though, can deffo give em a complex.

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 17/09/2016 21:10

If you read my replies I said that I was wrong and it's not just men that do it. HOWEVER in my experience it has only been men.
Please everyone note that I recind my previous statement and wish to change my title from 'men' to 'men and women'.

OP posts:
MarchEliza2 · 17/09/2016 21:10

The OP is here to vent about an experience she found annoying- at no point did she say this was the end of her world so I don't get where all the advice to "get over it" is coming from, she doesn't sound particularly distraught.

This form of teasing is mildly annoying at the best of times - you paste on a smile and wait for the joker to get on with it. However in this case the joke was at the expense of a 4 year old who was going up to pay for something- it's probably shaken his confidence and was poorly judged.

These sort of teasers probably don't intend to upset anyone - they just can't think of any other way to interact with people, but just because it's not malicious doesn't mean it's not annoying.

I'm this is an equal opportunities type of idiocy, but I've personally only ever experienced men doing it.

rackhampearl · 17/09/2016 21:13

Hahaha MotherDuckSaid, I hate that too. 'Ooh giz a bit' cue uncomfortable silence or fake laugh Grin

FanyUcker · 17/09/2016 21:14

So that's ok then, you were only accidentally sexist

Howlongtillbedtime · 17/09/2016 21:18

Well in my experience it has only ever been men .

That isn't to say women never do this but to me no woman has ever done it .

Maybe it was the same for the op.

I am also accepting that for others they met a woman that was a dickhead . Share away !

Only1scoop · 17/09/2016 21:19

Harmless banter
Bloody hell

PetyrBaelish · 17/09/2016 21:19

There is a male culture of banter, and it isn't 'sexist to men' to point it out and discuss it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

SheldonsSpot · 17/09/2016 21:20

YANBU.

Yes it's always men that have done this in my experience, I've never witnessed a woman do it.

No it's not a joke, it's not funny, and I've never seen anyone respond by creasing up with laughter at the hilariousness of this. If anyone could explain exactly what is funny about this I'd be really grateful, maybe I'm missing the 'joke' Hmm.

If I'm feeling semi-indulgent I might raise a sarcastic smile, mostly I just stare blankly at them and think they're a complete twat.

WalkingBlind · 17/09/2016 21:20

Ohhh is that "can I have a bit?" thing a joke?! Christ that'd taken a lot of years to sink in, I thought they really wanted some and we're cheeky Blush I just say "no how rude" or "errr no?!" and walk away haha, bet they thought it was funny then

Inertia · 17/09/2016 21:23

I don't think it's fair to berate the OP for not finding this funny. It's not even a joke.

For some children, interacting with strangers in this way does take practice. Things that are funny to a four year old generally involve some kind of very obvious slapstick , whereas the OP's example is likely to just have made the child confused, or worried that he'd got it wrong . A grown man triumphantly outwitting a 4 year old is far from hilarious.

wildcoffeeandbeans · 17/09/2016 21:23

YANBU. I never got jokes like that when I was a kid and they always made me feel anxious. I remember being a flower girl in a cousin's wedding and my family joking that I was the one getting married (I was walking down the aisle with the ring bearer) and being really upset about it. In the end I broke down crying right before I was supposed to start walking because "I didn't sob want sob to get married!" Of course all the adults thought it was terribly funny.

That said, he was probably just trying to be funny and it didn't work. I assume you explained to your DC that he was joking.

Dreamfoil · 17/09/2016 21:24

Only men in my experience too. Some of these stories... What sort of wanker would tell a child at airport security they were keeping their teddy? I'd like to say that he'd have regretted threatening my DS with that but it would have been DH and I bearing the brunt, and could easily have caused a missed flight and holiday. Luckily when we went through, we had special assistance as DS is diagnosed, but not all children are.

0pti0na1 · 17/09/2016 21:29

YANBU. I wonder how many children find that sort of thing funny.

WinchesterWoman · 17/09/2016 21:33

Do you know you're right. Dads always think it's funny to upset kids and then say 'only joking'.