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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when men 'joke' like this.

647 replies

KindergartenKop · 17/09/2016 19:29

Maybe it's not always men but I've never experienced a woman who has done this.

So today I took DS1 to a charity shop. He picked two books at 50p each. I gave Ds a pound coin. The man at the till took the books and said, 'That's four pounds please'. Ds looked worried and the man said 'Only joking, it's one pound'. We paid and left.
I've had people say this sort of thing to me so often and it always beffuddles me and makes me feel stupid. Am I the only person who attracts this form of idiocy? Aibu to be pissed off that this man worried my son? It's not fucking funny!

OP posts:
Hysterectical · 17/09/2016 22:25

I'm not sure what banter is to be honest. I have only really seen it used to excuse bullying, sexually offensive behavior, married people flirting with people who are not their spouses and other pretty crappy stuff. I'm not sure banter with a 4 year old could ever be excused, whether one way or reciprocated.

nwbmum · 17/09/2016 22:25

YANBU. It's a put down disguised as a joke to make you feel stupid, so he feels more powerful

LizzieVereker · 17/09/2016 22:26

YANBU. This is only ever done with express intention of make no some poor person squirm, and to do it to a child is horrible. It's not laughing with them, it's setting out to humiliate or even scare them. And in my personal experience, I've only ever seen it done by men.

LizzieVereker · 17/09/2016 22:26

*making some

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 17/09/2016 22:29

kids dont get the joke and some adults with sn dont either

But they aren't jokes. As joke has a build-up and a punchline. The listener laughs at the reveal of the "joke". Telling a stranger they have misunderstood a situation is pretty humourless stuff.

Those on this thread who say it's just banter, that we who have said the OP is NBU have no sense of humour, are clearly all the type to laugh at practical jokes and other's misfortunes, because this type of amusement is exactly that - pretend this person who undestands the situation doesn't understand the situation. Then let's laugh at their reaction. Fucking hilarious. Cunts.

itunscrewstheotherway · 17/09/2016 22:30

I agree OP. Not the worst thing in the world, but annoying and unfunny.

We were at a restaurant once with ds, who was 5 at the time, and he'd just got a bit upset about something - not in a loud way, but in a way where his eyes were slightly teary and he was cuddling me. He was just starting to get over it and perk up a bit when the waiter comes over and decides to say, "Boys who cry don't get desserts!!" Ds doesn't understand the 'joke' and starts actually crying. Waiter looks bemused. Argh.

Hysterectical · 17/09/2016 22:30

Actually banter is defined as an exchange of light teasing/mocking. Not scaring a four year old who didn't come back with "I'll give you a fiver if you throw in a pint" type bollocks.

HicDraconis · 17/09/2016 22:48

Burn I have an NT 8 year old and he was confused by a waiter trying to be similarly "funny" (had ordered something without tomato and had it delivered with a flourishing announcement of "extra tomato as requested". Nobody looked even mildly amused, he then said he was only joking, not sure why he'd said it - I said it wasn't funny and I hoped the food was better than his sense of humour).

It's not funny, it's unpleasant.

rackhampearl · 17/09/2016 22:51

I actually think they can't help it. I know my DH can't. He does it to our daughter and she gets terribly upset and he looks gutted when she does. He's inherited it from his dad who's always making sex jokes about me at family gatherings. They're absolute prats haha.

rackhampearl · 17/09/2016 22:51

I actually think they can't help it. I know my DH can't. He does it to our daughter and she gets terribly upset and he looks gutted when she does. He's inherited it from his dad who's always making sex jokes about me at family gatherings. They're absolute prats haha.

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 17/09/2016 22:56

God chill out its a joke tell ur son and yourself to take a joke the man clearly meant no harm he works in a charity shop i doubt highly he meant to cause ur son anxiety over 2nd hand books

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/09/2016 22:57

WHAT, Pearl?!? Sex jokes?

meran · 17/09/2016 23:02

Chocalatefudgecake100

Just because he didn't mean harm doesn't mean he didn't cause harm!

Bogeyface · 17/09/2016 23:02

YANBU

Who does that to a small child? Its not funny when its done to an adult but to a child is just horrible :(

However there is one possible mitigating circumstance, are you sure he was NT? There is a man who works in a charity shop in town, Ds worked with him for a while when he was volunteering and I was at school with him. He has severe learning disabilities and would say something like this, thinking he was very funny so I would forgive him.

MargaretCabbage · 17/09/2016 23:05

YANBU. I don't think it's funny.

On one of my regular bus routes there is a driver that always makes up higher fares or tells people the bus isn't going where they think it is, usually young people and they always look a bit panicked or embarrassed.

I do find that it is men who tend to 'joke' like this.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 17/09/2016 23:05

Ah I forgot it was a charity shop. Actually my mum used to work in one of those. She said that a few of the younger volunteers were slightly odd and awkward in their dealings with customers. That their social skills weren't great. Possibly why they had not managed to get a paid job. My mum suspected that a few of them were trying to get their confidence up in a voluntary role first. So while I am with you, OP, and used to hate people doing that to my sons as it confused them, it may be worth bearing in mind that the man in the shop may struggle with his social skills.

I used to immediately say to my kids in these situations, "oh no, don't worry, the man doesn't mean it, he's just being silly. You've done that perfectly correctly, DS, I don't think the man realises how young you are and wouldn't understand what he meant." Polite to bloke, reassuring to child, hopefully the bloke might learn that kids don't lie that sort of thing...

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 17/09/2016 23:10

It's a similar style "banter" to the hilarious comment "smile it may never happen". I found that particularly funny that time after visiting my dad at the hospice.

8DaysAWeek · 17/09/2016 23:19

Ugh I hate these kind of 'jokes'.

Not monetary but similar style... Had a fridge freezer delivered last week and the delivery man joked firstly that he wouldn't be able to fit it through the door, then at the end I had to wait three weeks before I could turn it on. Fair enough the 3 weeks part is obviously not true but I did have a moment of panic wondering how I'm going to get my fridge freezer in the house! Just don't get those jokes at all.

GabsAlot · 17/09/2016 23:30

sex jokes to your kid?

sorry thats beyond banter

rackhampearl · 17/09/2016 23:34

No no, you've misunderstood. My husband isn't a weirdo. He's never made any kind of sex joke to a kid lol. I mean his dad, my FIL will make silly sex jokes about me when we are at parties and stuff as I used to be a barmaid where he sang and the 'banter' started from there. I mean DH inherited his terrible sense of humour. Those jokes that are supposed to be funny but aren't.

rackhampearl · 17/09/2016 23:36

Read it properly gabsalot. I never put anything about sex jokes to my kids I put 'he inherited it from his father (meaning Crap sense of humour) who makes sex jokes about ME (not a child) at gatherings. Sorry for the confusion. Again, husband is not a weirdo, just very bad at jokes.

KERALA1 · 17/09/2016 23:37

Yanbu. And yes ime it is always men. Pathetic ones. Fil does it abit. It's not funny - echo what most other have said what's funny about confusing a child? Flipping hilarious.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 17/09/2016 23:58

Man tells lame joke. Call 101 Hmm Better get your ds some therapy. Who knows what damage has been done. Yanbu to think his banter is crap but yabu to take it so seriously.

SatsukiKusakabe · 18/09/2016 00:04

To take it so seriously as to chat about it on Mumsnet?

winkywinkola · 18/09/2016 00:05

Shit joke from a dumb bloke.

Explain that to your ds afters. It's good to know there are lots of berks around from the off, I reckon.

He will learn to nod and smile very quickly as we all do to humour the lame, unfunny ones.

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