Women on here

[InfinityTimesInfinity]

Being reasonably new to this site/chat app ...
Having read a few threads in the last couple of days and coming across a lot of unnecessary comments .. AIBU to ask why it seems a lot of women on here seem very quick to throw nasty, horrible insults at other women on here?
I know people are asking for opinions, but, not character assassinations...!
Shouldn't us mums/women stick together and help eachother with advice instead of throwing horrible, bitchy, comments around?

Nope. People differ so much in experience, temperament, ideology, tone, interests. We pool all those differences together so a poster and reader can pick and choose advice that suits them. Variety of human nature. In amongst that you will get some twats, but if they're abusive you can report (and many will). Or ignore. Some posters are straight to the point, others more subtle and guiding, but that's personality and experience differences. We aren't borg.

YANBU

Of course we all disagree on certain things, it's how it's done.

I'm sick of people saying it's to be expected on AIBU, not it's not acceptable to be belittled, patronised, put down, ridiculed all because someone has a different opinion than yours.

Healthy debate is good but I've seen a lot of posters that appear to be awaiting for the opportunity to put someone else down in a really patronising way. If they're like that IRL I feel sorry for their kidsd & OH's

if yore talking about the army thread she just didnt like to be told shes bu

also she called everyone cunts

On reflection, I don't think proper nastiness is common, even on AIBU. Things can be quite terse here, admittedly, but that's the nature of the beast. You come here asking for opinions and people are quite happy to oblige. A lot of what people declare as nastiness that I've seen is usually lack of cushioning of their opinion and that opinion being vastly different from the opinion of another poster.

That said, I do think some posters could use a bit of an attitude change, myself included at times. There are many here who can take another's opinion as a personal attack despite the comment not being about them or even directed towards them. Respond by all means and include your own experiences but don't be a dog with a bone and carry on at it as though the opinions of a stranger online have a massive impact on your life.

The irony that the ones agreeing with the OP are actually insulting other posters!

Honest and vigorous debate is one of the things I like about MN. I really dislike the simpering sugary sweetness of some rival sites.

Besides there is plenty of sincere support on here when that's appropriate. The HG support thread on here is brilliantly supportive and got me through two HG pregnancies.

OP, YABU.

Because on the whole we are intolerant of ridiculous fuckwittery and attention seeking.

Obnoxious people can sadly be found anywhere even on forums. There will always be some people who see forums as an easy way of character assassinating or a way of giving vent to their own frustrations.

"I'm new to this site, why are you all such bitches?"

FYI, when I've needed support this site has been wonderful

Interesting first post anyway OP

These 'let's hold hands and sing Kumbaya' threads seem to be a daily occurrence.

From prvious experieence, these type threads never end well. Welcome to Mumsnet op

I lurked for a long time before joining. I wasn't sure I wanted to after reading some of it.

I was using a US website to talk about relationships and family and other issues and you were just not allowed to speak to each other to the way women do here. You would be banned very quickly whereas here it is laughed at and seen as normal. Proud to be a bitch.....

It is not just AIBU, it is everywhere. I do wonder if people speak to each other like this is RL. I doubt it. Just here as they wouldn't dare or have the backbone to do it in RL.

I think mn is basically 4 or 5 threads just rehashed by different posters
We get a bit bored answering the same questions so we have to amuse ourselves reinventing the same replies

The people on this site have helped me leave my abusive husband, get the right help for my daughter who has adhd, they have supported me in the shit days when I was stuck in a refuge, they have given me advice so I can now vote again and still stay safe, they have given me advice and inspiration to set up my own small business and to study, they have supported me through my down days as a bereaved parent. They have listened to me rant and made me laugh they have helped me steer my way through my child questioning their gender.

If that's not support I don't know what is.

ghostyslovesheep
Whats that little box thing?

Stay out of AIBU, the rest of the site is fine.

Sorry to post an inane question straight after your post Elsa. Cross post.

And I agree MN can be amazing.

I don't think the majority here are "proud to be a bitch" at all I simply think that many here have managed to shake off the teachings that women should act apologetic when sharing their opinions and phrase them in the most palatable way possible. That doesn't make them unkind or "bitchy". It just means they aren't about to mollycoddle you or be dismissed for not agreeing.

You may be surprised to learn that Mumsnet is not the only parenting site on the internet. If it doesn't work for you go to one that suits you better.

Problem solved!

I particularly enjoyed the supportive responses one poster got when she complained that her boyfriend's mister was WAAAY too big for her to handle. People queued up to offer to take off her, ahem, hands. My husband and 14 year old son enjoyed that thread as well. So you see, lots of love, shared about.

I simply think that many here have managed to shake off the teachings that women should act apologetic when sharing their opinions and phrase them in the most palatable way possible. That doesn't make them unkind or "bitchy". It just means they aren't about to mollycoddle you or be dismissed for not agreeing.

And they exercise this in RL and speak as bluntly to peoples faces as they do here, yes?

If not, why not.....they can only shake off those teachings from behind a screen then.