to tell guests to buy themselves a takeaway?

[OohMavis]

We have DH's family descending upon us today to visit and meet our four-week-old. They will expect feeding. They're not 'shove a pizza in the oven' kind of family, either.

Would it be rude to point them in the direction of the fish and chip shop and chinese takeaway over the road? We have a small house and there will be five of them. No dining table.

There will be tea and biscuits but that's all I'm planning on having in, our weekly shop is Monday.

Aibu?

Can't people read the thread?

They'd be in a hotel and cater themselves if it were me!! Has my dad over when DD was about 6 weeks and it was a nightmare - never again!!! Thankfully my aunt came over another time when DS was 4 weeks and DD was 3 but she mucked in and helped both cooking and baby stuff (but has five kids and 8 grandkids so is well helpful lol)

For those that are maybe being made to feel guilty that they aren't jumping around entertaining a couple of days giving birth I thought it would be interesting to share that in the Netherlands it is the norm for new mothers to have a "mother's help" for about 2 weeks after the birth. The rationale is that the mother looks after the baby and the mother's help does light housework, prepares meals, looks after any other children, cleans toilets ( very important!) etc. It is seen as a real no-no for new Mums to be subjecting themselves to cleaning up after others. They are allowed to focus on bonding and prioritising the health and wellbeing of the newest member of the family whilst the mother's help takes care of the rest of the family. www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/a-new-approach-to-post-natal-care-mothers-helpers-8962986.html

This thread makes me grateful for family who wouldn't bat an eyelid at the suggestion to grab a takeaway four weeks post-partum. It also makes me sad for those who feel it would be considered at all rude.

OP there is nothing wrong with your suggestion AT ALL.

Aurora I couldn't agree more!

Can't your husband lend a hand and prepare some finger food? Frankly they shouldn't expect feeding but sending them for a Chinese might seem a bit rude too.

YANBU x1000

I hope you've had a lovely time with your visitors OP and that they have coo-ed and aah-d over your newborn. I also hope you haven't had to lift a finger for them!

Best advice I got when I had my eldest was to tell guests to turn up with food and to wash the dishes before they left. I found as long as I asked politely, no-one minded. It's quite normal to help someone with a new baby 😀

I would send them out to a nice restaurant with dh. Dinner time onwards was also hard for us with a baby. We do this now with visiting folks and everybody is much happier.

Yes if you invited them and they are there for meal get DP to nip out and buy some cold food for help yourself buffet, rolls, salad, cheese, ham will be plenty.

FFS! Have you cancelled the cheque yet, Mavis?

EVERYONE: the OP's husband suggested the takeaway once everyone was there. The FIL and co. decided to depart before dinnertime. Result.

Thanks expat - all's well that ends well. I'm afraid I didn't have the time to read 17 pages of replies.

You missed the tale of many a superwoman, Aurora, chastising the OP for her lack of hostessing skills.

I wonder if a Tesco family-size ready lasagne that feeds nine people is the new Mumsnet chicken?

Not that these people would eat it, Three, as they aren't the frozen pizza type according to the OP.

Wouldn't it be lovely if these visitors took you all out to a baby friendly eating establishment! Or arrive with a lovely hamper for you all to eat.

I wish I hadn't posted on this thread to be quoted and ridiculed by another poster.
I had no idea of the history of op and the in laws.
Yes I hosted Xmas for 9 shortly after having my little boy but I invited them to come and I was happy to do it. It was lovely family and when I suggested you throw something together for your visitors I missed that they weren't really welcome.
Some people on here can be pretty nasty and surely everyone can have an opinion without being bitched at by someone who doesn't agree.

aurora thankyou for posting that. I too am wondering what the world is coming to and how this post got 17 pages of ...what? people arguing whether its ok. OF COURSE IT FECKING OK.and the right thing to do.id do this with or without the baby haha.but I'm also thankful this they wouldn't mind either!

I get that this one has now happened and been sorted out.

Lots of people tell visitors in the early days, that they are very welcome, but to please eat before they come or plan to eat after visiting. No real problem.

If I ever visit a friend with a newborn, I always take a meal - not to eat with them, but so they can eat it later or freeze it or whatever. And I ensure I don't stay more than an hour on that first visit. Once things are a bit more settled, I've offered to take a meal to eat with people sometimes - that way they feel they've had a bit of a social occasion but no effort of food required. Of course I do the washing up before I leave, regardless of any protests.

Have you cancelled the cheque yet, Mavis?

Purpleshortcake - you're right that in NL you get help for the first 8 days and they're there for 40-50 hours to help take care of you, the baby, the house. We had an amazing lady who cleaned my house better than its ever been done before! She also told me to sit the hell down when I tried to play hostess and chastised my guests for not realising that as I'd just had a difficult birth, I will not be making them cups of tea.

You can have some awful ones though

I love takeaway and loathe quiche. I also loathe lentil soup.

Any excuse to get a takeaway op, and as a guest I'd offer to pay - you've provided tea, chat and new baby cuddles! At least that's it for a while.

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask them to get a takeaway, I wouldn't be annoyed by this