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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child maintaince with a greedy ex

484 replies

EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 00:02

My brother has his daughter a lot.

This is how it breaks down. 1/2 the school holidays. EOW plus every Monday Tuesday and Thursday after school. Also 1/2 the cost of school uniform.

EOW is Friday after school till bedtime Sunday.

Still ex wants CMO payments.

While he has his daughter he feeds and clothes her and washes and irons the school uniform to send back.

My brother has now stopped the £100 per week maintence or he can't afford to have his dd.

Is this fair.

OP posts:
notausernumber · 17/09/2016 00:04

Look online to work it out. As the resident parent you can be assured there's no room for greed!

AndNowItsSeven · 17/09/2016 00:11

So he has his dd two night a week a week and 3.5 in the school holidays.
Hmmm difficult one.
Yes of course he should pay to support his child!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/09/2016 00:16

So he has his dd two night a week a week and 3.5 in the school holidays.

3 nights every week plus EOW from the OP.

Somerville · 17/09/2016 00:18

Maintenance is based on overnights. As he will well know.

He has her two overnights per fortnight (possibly rising in the school holidays? Or does he just have her extra day times then?)

There is an online calculator on which he can see the MINIMUM that he has to pay. If he is paying less then he is the greedy one.

user1471443957 · 17/09/2016 00:19

No, he has his DD 5 nights or 3 nights a week depending whether it's his weekend or not. He doesn't need to pay.

Somerville · 17/09/2016 00:21

I interpreted Monday, Tuesday and Thursday after school to mean that he has his daughter over for tea but not overnight.

But whatever the situation all OP needs is to get him to do the online calculator, fill it in honestly and then pay that minimum payment at the very least.

honeysucklejasmine · 17/09/2016 00:22

OP does "after school" mean they go to their mother's house to sleep? Or do they sleep over with him and he takes them to school the next day?

AndNowItsSeven · 17/09/2016 00:23

Piglet no the op just says Friday and Saturday nights, plus half the school holidays.
Op has worried access in such a way so it looks her brother has his dd more than he does.

AndNowItsSeven · 17/09/2016 00:25

Just realised I too was confused that he had his dd more often. He only has her on average one night a week not two!

Fidelia · 17/09/2016 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 00:29

My brother does drop his dd off to sleep at the mother home.

But that's all it is. Brother does homework, feeding and dd is bathed and in pj. All mother has to do it story and into bed.

OP posts:
brasty · 17/09/2016 00:30

It also depends who is actually paying for other costs, such as school trips, clothes, hobbies and all the other costs that are easy to overlook.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 00:31

Dd has clothes at each parents homes

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 17/09/2016 00:33

The mother has to provide the bed, the bedroom , the heating, the electricity , the water bill, clothes, toys, hobbies, transport, food, etc etc

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 00:33

My brother is also able and willing to have her full time.

OP posts:
Ouriana · 17/09/2016 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brasty · 17/09/2016 00:35

I understand she has clothes there, but that is common even if a child only stays overnight once a week. But it is about who is doing most of the clothes buying. And all the other costs. School trips, after school clubs, sports clubs, the costs can all add up.

Somerville · 17/09/2016 00:37

Eve Her mother is paying to provide a bedroom for her daughter, for electricity and gas to heat and light the space, and for breakfast for her. Six nights out of seven. This also limits the work that her mother can take on - she can't work night shifts, for example. And she organises what the child needs for school each day and takes her to school - again limiting the morning hours she can work as she can't start early. (Which may be why your brother doesn't have her overnight.)

Tell your brother that he is the greedy one and to do the online calculations and start paying at least the minimum.

He'll owe some back pay too.

brasty · 17/09/2016 00:38

Feeding a young child is cheap. That is a small cost. He doesn't even need to fund the cost of a bedroom for her.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 17/09/2016 00:39

He should switch is evenings to actual overnights then he wouldn't have to pay anything by the looks of things.

But I suspect his ex won't be too keen on that.

Somerville · 17/09/2016 00:40

I cross posted with some other people.

But maybe the point being made multiple times will help you understand it.

If your brother wants to look after his daughter for more overnights then he will need to take the matter to court. In the meantime he needs to be paying maintenance.

Careforadrink · 17/09/2016 00:44

I agree with the pp. Your brother would appear to be trying to get out of his responsibilities. He only has her 2 nights out of 14.

The other 12 his ex cannot leave her and work and has to do the school runs etc

I hope she goes down the formal route and forces him to pay.
.

MrsderPunkt · 17/09/2016 00:44

No, it doesn't look fair. Your brother isn't doing half of the care, nor providing half of the meals. Suddenly stopping payments and deciding that the needs the £100/week for 10 meals for a child is very greedy.

Does he buy clothes, shoes, pay for school and hobby money, who buys birthday presents for parties?

It's a bit late to decide that he 'can't afford to have his dd' - how old is she?

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 01:02

Dd is 8 and brother will have his daughter.

He buys all her clothes and don't forget he has to have a bedroom and all the cost the same as the mother.

OP posts:
Careforadrink · 17/09/2016 01:06

He hasn't got the same costs at all. From the op it reads that he only has her 2 nights out of 14. Leaving him free to work the other 12. Unlike the restrictions his ex has.

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