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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child maintaince with a greedy ex

484 replies

EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 00:02

My brother has his daughter a lot.

This is how it breaks down. 1/2 the school holidays. EOW plus every Monday Tuesday and Thursday after school. Also 1/2 the cost of school uniform.

EOW is Friday after school till bedtime Sunday.

Still ex wants CMO payments.

While he has his daughter he feeds and clothes her and washes and irons the school uniform to send back.

My brother has now stopped the £100 per week maintence or he can't afford to have his dd.

Is this fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 01:07

So perhaps my brother should just have his dd full time, like he wants and then he can claim child benefit and tax credits, then on top get maintaince.

Is that correct.

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 17/09/2016 01:10

You don't get to refuse to pay maintenance because you want to have your child full time. You can either negotiate fully shared care or go to court for full care if you think it's in the child's best interests, but in the meantime you still have to pay up.

blackheartsgirl · 17/09/2016 01:10

I get half that for 2 kids! Ex has a good job and only has the teens once a week.

I've never asked for more because ex helps me out with school trips, uniform, other stuff they need and takes them on trips and weekends away. Dd climbed Snowdon with him the other week.

Think your brothers a bit stingy.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 01:14

I really think maintaince should be calculated into tax credits.

OP posts:
MrsderPunkt · 17/09/2016 01:14

I doubt that he would be able to afford to have her full time if he needs the £100 to have her for one day a week, with an extra 3 teas. Child benefit is only £20.70 per week and won't even cover the cost of school dinners.

harrypotternerd · 17/09/2016 01:15

by your replies it seems your brother is doing everything he can to avoid having to pay his child support. It is part of his responsibility. Does he have to like it? no. Does he need to be responsible and pay it? yes. Perhaps if he wants to spend more time with his daughter he can negotiate shared care with her such as 1 week on 1 week off etc.

hoddtastic · 17/09/2016 01:16

doesn't it depend on what he earns, tbh he sounds cheap trying to up his contact in a punitive way to get out of paying proper maintenance.

Tell him to go to court,get on the calculator and do it properly/legally.

SolidGoldBrass · 17/09/2016 01:16

How does your brother propose to manage childcare and work, if he wants to be the parent with residence? Does he have a job which will allow him to vary his hours to fit round FF's school hours? Will his employer let him take the day off at very short notice because DD has puked and the school won't have her for 48 hours?

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 01:16

Brother already pays 1/2 school cost.

OP posts:
MrsderPunkt · 17/09/2016 01:16

I really think maintaince should be calculated into tax credits. Really? When idiots like your brother can just decide to stop paying it on a whim? You're not making any sense.

Somerville · 17/09/2016 01:17

It doesn't matter what excuses he comes up with, eve, the law is the law and he only has his daughter 1 night a week on average so he owes a substantial amount of maintenance. It is not optional and the child's mother should (and hopefully will) file a CMS case if he continues to refuse to pay.

As I said before he can take the matter of residence to court if he wants to spend more overnights with his daughter. I imagine it will reflect badly on him there that he hasn't been paying maintenance. Almost like he is trying to get more overnights to wriggle out of paying. Hmm And I don't think that the strategy will work anyway as going from 1/14 residence to 7/14 is a big jump.

Tell your brother to take on some extra work or cut back on his other outgoings so that he can pay the legal minimum for his daughter.

Careforadrink · 17/09/2016 01:17

It's not calculated into tax credits as it not reliable that it will be paid

A fact that your brother has just proven.

UnderseaPineapple · 17/09/2016 01:17

Oh so he only wants her full time just for more money. And spite.

Yep, he's a contender for Father of the Year.

stitchglitched · 17/09/2016 01:17

Maintenance isn't calculated into other benefits because it isn't reliable enough and not guaranteed to be paid. Your brother proves that.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 01:18

Let's say this I have never paid child care cost. My parents cover child care and have said they will do this for brother.

OP posts:
brasty · 17/09/2016 01:19

He sounds very mean.

blackheartsgirl · 17/09/2016 01:20

Eve it's not the same at all. Your brothers daughter is only there for 2 nights out of 14. She's at her mum's the rest of the time therefore incurring more costs.

God you do sound like my exs partner. She doesnt believe in maintenance payments at all. She thinks once a man fucks off thats it its the mothers job to provide solely for the offspring.

I have stepkids myself. Ex pays for them and we don't even do overnight stays at all for his teens at the moment. I can't stand his ex for various reasons but he still pays. Their mum for all I hate her still has done most of financial side ofbringing up their girls and it's not been easy for her. Wish we could pay more but dp doesn't earn a lot

angieloumc · 17/09/2016 01:21

So your brother wants to take his DD away from the person who is there for her 12 nights out of 14 just so he can claim tax credits and child benefit, plus maintenance from child's mother and on top of that your parents give him free childcare.
What a prize. Let's hope he doesn't have any more kids.

blackheartsgirl · 17/09/2016 01:22

*Ex should be dp. Bloody auto correct!

stitchglitched · 17/09/2016 01:23

No wonder so many men see paying maintenance as optional when they have the women in their lives cheering them on.

Somerville · 17/09/2016 01:25

My 14 YO daughter's best friend was telling me the other day that she now hasn't spoken to her father since May. Because he's so stingy with her mother - his ex.
She idolised him when she was younger and he took her on seal the holidays. But she's realised now that all the financial stress that her mother is under could have been avoided by him paying the maintenance he owed. So she wants nothing to do with him.

I've seen that happen over and over again. If you love your niece, tell your brother to pay maintenance.

And WTF can this country do to make sure that losers like this start wishing up that maintenance isn't optional? Some kind of national service where they have to sweep street and empty bins to earn the money which will then be taken at source to cover maintenance? And then jail if they refuse? It's going to ha e to be something like that.

Somerville · 17/09/2016 01:26

Swanky holidays.

KittensWithWeapons · 17/09/2016 01:26

So your brother wants to use his DD to get more money. What a delight he sounds.

'Brother already pays 1/2 school cost'. Well fancy that! A parent paying half of what it costs to educate their child. How very noble of him Hmm

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 17/09/2016 01:26

Your brother sounds like a knob and you do too OP.

MidniteScribbler · 17/09/2016 01:38

Brother sounds like an utter arsehole. I hope he keeps his knob in his jocks and doesnt breed again.