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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child maintaince with a greedy ex

484 replies

EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 00:02

My brother has his daughter a lot.

This is how it breaks down. 1/2 the school holidays. EOW plus every Monday Tuesday and Thursday after school. Also 1/2 the cost of school uniform.

EOW is Friday after school till bedtime Sunday.

Still ex wants CMO payments.

While he has his daughter he feeds and clothes her and washes and irons the school uniform to send back.

My brother has now stopped the £100 per week maintence or he can't afford to have his dd.

Is this fair.

OP posts:
RepentAtLeisure · 17/09/2016 01:42

Is the CM court ordered or decided between them?

If he is able to have his dd half the time, and she would be happy with that too, then of course he could pursue that route. But he should aim for 50/50 shared residence. Over the question of full residence he should ask himself what's best for his dd, not what's best for his finances...

RepentAtLeisure · 17/09/2016 01:46

So perhaps my brother should just have his dd full time, like he wants and then he can claim child benefit and tax credits, then on top get maintaince.

I just read this properly... Yeah, just have her fulltime, put a note through the letterbox for her Mum and brother.

It's not like his child is a sentient human being to consider, she's just a possession - and a money-spinning one at that! Get in!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/09/2016 02:00

what a great idea, let's cause massive upheaval to our children all to avoid CM liability so we can then do the very thing we are all pissed off about our ex's doing but it will all be ok and not greedy when we do it!

WomanActually · 17/09/2016 02:17

His poor dd, if he goes for 50/50 residency or even full residency has he thought how she will feel when she finds out the reason he did so, was to claim child benefit and tax credits.

He sounds like one of those types of men who think the ex should live how they think they should, that if he saw her in the shop buying something like a bottle of wine, then she's obviously spending his money he gives for his child on herself and either thinks if she has money to spare for something for herself then he's giving her too much, or not providing and denying the child things to fund haircuts, nails or whatever for herself so cuts or stops his dds money.

Maintenance should not be included in tax credits because people like your brother don't pay when they feel like it and use it to try and control others.

Mimicat44 · 17/09/2016 02:30

You and your brother both sound like awful people. He should WANT to contribute as much as he can possibly afford towards his child's upbringing, not begrudge it, and you shouldn't be sympathising with his meanness and making him feel justified. Plus the whole 'him wanting DD full time so he can claim the money' thing is just mad.

Ilovecharliecat · 17/09/2016 02:35

Okay so he's paying £100 per week for maintenance and he's hoping to claim CM and tax credits if he has the child more than 2 nights out of 14??? Is he my ex husband ??? (Would like to add that I've never received any money from my ex, but that's his way of thinking)

43percentburnt · 17/09/2016 04:01

And this is why it should be the NRPs responsibility to register directly with CMS and pay the charge owed (incurring similar penalties to self employed people). Money should be deducted at source (if employed) like a student loan. There's a reason the government don't get ex students to create a voluntary payment arrangement with the student loan company Grin.

The government deduct tax, NI and student loans at source for a reason. They also give self employed penalties for non payment for a reason.

The UK has a very odd attitude to parents not supporting their kids, it's far too acceptable, and we need a cultural shift - like we had to not wearing seating belts, drink driving etc.

Op - you say your parents would provide childcare to help your brother out and he could get CB and tax credits. Is this so he could still work (ie school drop off)? Why would this be better then her mum being with her? Do they provide this assistance now? (So mum can Be flexible with work too - as this would benefit their grand child). Does brother do school collection mon, tues and Thursday so mum can work?

43percentburnt · 17/09/2016 04:08

Why is his ex greedy? Is £100 the actual amount on the CMS calculator? If he is paying a penny less than the bare minimum CMS payment (including upping his payment when he does overtime, receives a bonus, shift enhancement or gets a pay increment/pay rise) he is being greedy.

RebootYourEngine · 17/09/2016 05:00

I have no words. I am speechless.

redexpat · 17/09/2016 06:10

He wants her because he sees it as the cheaper option for him, not because it is in his daughter's best interests. He sounds like a horrible human being. So do you.

Enkopkaffetak · 17/09/2016 06:50

Op I haven't read all of the responses so may have missed something.

HOWEVER.

Maintenance is worked out on overnights. IF your brother thinks he is paying to much he can request a recalculation of this.

IF your brother would like to have his dd more he can speak with his x about this, he can also try to get a lawyer to deal with this issue.

What it all comes down to however is..

What is in the best interest of his DD....?

I can tell you straight up it is not having 2 parents who are fighting and arguing over money and where she should stay.

So I would suggest he and his x goes to mediation and try to work out the best plan of action for THEIR daughter.

imisschocolate · 17/09/2016 07:03

So the child care is

monday to thursday 3 out of 4 evenings with dad but sleeping at mums.

Friday and saturday alternate days and overnights.

Sunday alternate days and evenings with child sleeping at mums every week.

Am i the only one that thinks that dad is doing half, if not more of the actual childcare? Granted child is sleeping at mums and thats how maintenance is calculated so unless court says otherwise should maybe keep paying. But does anyone else think that saying he has the child on average 1 night a week is a bit unfair?

somekindofmother · 17/09/2016 07:04

I think if he's having his dd after school 3 days a week he should have her over night too. this would put him up to 50% care.

he cannot just decide to have the child full time. you know she has a mother right? who loves her. and will not just hand her over to save ur brother a few quid!!!

I won't judge ur brother as he's not here, but u sound like a right dick! u talk about ur niece like she's a possession not a child with feelings!!!

AyeAmarok · 17/09/2016 07:28

Why are there so many stupid women coming on MN at the moment trying to justify men not paying child maintenance?

There seems to have been an influx this week.

All calling the mother of the child "greedy" too.

Hmm

And then you get the drip feed that the mother doesn't work, is on benefits, takes drugs and spends all her time and money in the pub/nail salon.

OP, stop being a fud.

RitchyBestingFace · 17/09/2016 07:36

I hope she goes down the formal route and forces him to pay.

Me too.

Cheby · 17/09/2016 07:44

Your brother sounds like a twat. He has just stopped maintenance payments? And he only has her for two overnights per fortnight?

I hope your ex SIL goes through CMS and he is forced to pay properly. It will cost him more that way but that's his own fault.

Lunar1 · 17/09/2016 07:52

Why doesn't he have his daughter 50:50 if he's so willing and able? Why does he drop
her off on those nights?

Xmaslover · 17/09/2016 07:52

This reply has been deleted

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HyacinthFuckit · 17/09/2016 07:53

It's not the ex who sounds greedy here I'm afraid!

Trifleorbust · 17/09/2016 08:01

Your brother is in a slightly difficult position because he has her in the evenings but not overnight. But it is what it is, and he will have to renegotiate care if he wants to pay less in CM. YABU.

needsahalo · 17/09/2016 08:03

While he has his daughter he feeds and clothes her and washes and irons the school uniform to send back

Yes, because all my children cost me is a dinner a day and some clean clothes Confused

RubbleBubble00 · 17/09/2016 08:03

there's lots of people projecting here. Ops language is not in any way sensitive and goady. But looking at it complete detached manner. If dad changed the week days to overnights then he wouldn't pay maintenance as its 50:50.

whirlygirly · 17/09/2016 08:04

Bloody hell, xmas lover, that's awful.

And oddly, I've just had a request from Xh to reduce payment as he reckons he's in the 104 nights plus category. (He isn't, this is a bloke who didn't even call one of them on their birthday, he also works abroad most of the time and this delusion has come from the basis he took them on a short holiday this summer and must have suddenly felt like he'd seen them loads)

Being a nrp and doing weekends is absolutely nothing at all like the responsibility of being a resident parent, juggling work, childcare, school demands and the day to day relentlessness. With an Xh who is often overseas, I can rarely flex my hours and my heart sinks every time I'm asked to go on a training course or event with work (which could further my career), because I know it will be a total logistical nightmare. Sad

Griphook · 17/09/2016 08:07

Why doesn't he try to have her over night for those days he drops off

HighwayDragon1 · 17/09/2016 08:12

He's having her 2 overnights a fortnight, so he bloody well should pay. Paying half of school stuff doesn't make him some sort of hero.

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