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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

347 replies

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 14:58

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

OP posts:

Mojito6 · 14/09/2016 15:50

Keep it but to perhaps ease some guilt a gift of 10k to ech brother would be lovely? Something for them but not to compromise your own future

ImperialBlether · 14/09/2016 15:52

OP, now that you are married, your closest relatives are your husband and your children. It's not just your money you'd be giving away; it's theirs.

Buying your own home gives you such stability for the rest of your life. £50,000 each doesn't do that. And would your cousins give up the chance of a house to give every one of their relatives an equal share?

2rebecca · 14/09/2016 15:52

Agree I wouldn't lie about where the money came from. If you're planning to buy a house any way surely people will just assume you have a mortgage. I have no idea how much of my sibs' properties are mortgage and how much owned by them.
Sibling harmony is the reason I'd probably give stuff to my sibs, cousin harmony isn't so important. Your cousins could have kept in touch with the old man but couldn't be bothered.

ImperialBlether · 14/09/2016 15:52

They won't be happy with £10K, though, Mojito.

Original poster

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 15:53

GDad will likely still let me inherit from him when he dies as he's always talked about giving me enough for a house deposit so don't think he'd take off me now. He'll likely sell the houses including his own, put some money aside in case he needs to go into a care home then buy himself a nice 1/2 bed bungalow and share the rest out so everyone will get some but not a huge amount, maybe a 10th of what I got. If we're keeping my inheritance a secret then I'd also have to take a 10th, although I could ask that he leaves it to my DD in his will.

OP posts:

TotallyOuting · 14/09/2016 15:53

I think as soon as you give anything resembling a significant amount of money to the others, it opens it up to issues of them feeling entitled to judge how much they feel you should have given them (which will vary wildly from person to person). You cannot win. If you must give them something, make it small enough to not put any such idea of entitlement in their head, if you can find such an amount. An amount that keeps it as a gift from you, not you deigning to share a bit out of guilt. I actually think it might be safer to keep it all to yourself.

pinkdelight · 14/09/2016 15:53

Keep the money. It's what he wanted. Your GDad has been left a ton of assets to sell and he can share the wealth and balance it out if he chooses, as they're surplus to his needs. Your inheritance isn't surplus, you can use it. No one will be happy with whatever arrangement you might come up with by trying to be 'fairer'. Stick with the letter of the will and don't beat yourself up.

Shiningexample · 14/09/2016 15:54

wont there be a fair bit of inheritance tax to pay on the overall estate?

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/09/2016 15:54

I'd give 10K each to your mum, both your aunties, and both your siblings.

CrabbyJo · 14/09/2016 15:56

2rebecca
My mothers father left me the money. She didn't demand any money from me. I gave it to her because I felt guilty that I'd been left money and she hadn't. I've never told my father because my mother spent most of the money on debt she had built up without my father knowing. It just annoys me that I get comments about it but I'd never drop her in it by telling him the real story. What's the point all these years later.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 14/09/2016 15:58

You likely have it because you were the only one who bothered to keep in touch. I've a great aunt like this, I wouldn't be surprised if she left money to my uncle or cousins but I wouldn't for a second expect anything myself as I wasn't close to her at all. I wouldn't take anything they offered.

Speak to your grandad. He will be your ally in this whatever you do.
It's hard though as splitting it all up is not his wishes and it looses the life changingness.

I had some inheritance and I spent it thinking about what the person I inherited it from would have wanted for me and my family. That felt right to me.

Original poster

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 15:58

MitzyLeFrouf Would I be approved for a mortgage for such a small amount though? I'd need a mortgage of about 30k

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadow · 14/09/2016 15:58

Why would you go against your grand uncles will? A bit disrespectful....

If he wanted others to inherit, he would have made it so.

Please enjoy your money with a clean conscience.

Original poster

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 15:59

MitzyLeFrouf Would I be approved for a mortgage for such a small amount though? I'd need a mortgage of about 30k

OP posts:

meridithssister · 14/09/2016 15:59

Buy the house. He wanted you to have it. You have to put the needs of your children first, and being mortgage free will be massively life changing.
To be brutally honest about it, at some point there will be an inheritance from your grandad so eventually everyone will benefit. You do not need to worry about a cousin's wedding plans or anything else.
You are a much better person than me, I wouldn't even consider sharing!

dobbythefuckingjizzelf · 14/09/2016 16:00

Keep it, buy your house and have your holiday

You were left it because you stayed in touch and no one else bothered

Don't give it away, it was left for you to enjoy not share out, if he had wanted anyone else to have any he would have left it to them

meridithssister · 14/09/2016 16:00

You would be very likely to get a mortgage with such a large deposit I would imagine.

swissy56 · 14/09/2016 16:03

I think your Grandad will balance it out when he dies and share it amongst the family.

My Grandad died and my Aunt took my share of the inheritance I didn't find out until 30 years' later. Karma does come they lost all the money in a business and I am well off now but at the time I was on my arse and could have really done with that money.

PitchFork · 14/09/2016 16:03

you don't need to share it. it's yours. that's what gu wanted.

Seeyouontheotherside · 14/09/2016 16:03

He wanted you to have the money for a reason so keep it. If he had wanted to leave them money, he would have. Don't divide it up until you have nothing to show for it. This is a great opportunity to build a more secure future for your family.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 14/09/2016 16:03

OP, I was approved for a 25 year mortgage of £30k 7 years ago.

My mortgage payments are about £170 a month. I reiterate what others say that this is absolutely life changing. I'm thankful every day for my good fortune (legacy).

MitchellMummy · 14/09/2016 16:03

I was in a similar situation in reverse. I did not mind - genuinely - that I wasn't left anything. The people who were left money had children and I didn't - made perfect sense. He wanted you to have the money, hope you enjoy the new house if you get it. It is my strong belief that people can leave money to whomever they please - in my will I've favoured the people I'm close to.

Pythonesque · 14/09/2016 16:04

I suspect as said above that your GU wanted to give you an amount that would make a real difference to you and was happy with his reasons.

If you decide to change anything to allow for other relatives to all get a bit - I believe that you can apply for the will to be varied. If you and your grandad are the only beneficiaries then you and the executors may be the only ones who need to be involved in doing that, so you could have it that eg £1k or £5k each went to a number of other people and leave them to assume you have had the same to save bad feeling. But agree you should plan to keep the bulk of the generous bequest together and use it to your immediate family's benefit as your GU clearly intended.

Notonthestairs · 14/09/2016 16:05

Don't commit to giving anything away until you've completed and moved in to your house - moving house and the associated fees etc is so expensive. IME money just drains away on very dull but necessary expenditure.

You may find that you have some money leftover that you want to share out then - but if you dont then you dont. My DB is much closer to my uncle than I am and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he didnt leave him a nice gift - I would understand why and I certainly wouldn't hold against my DB.

Please try to enjoy it - its a wonderful gift and he obviously wanted you to have it.

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/09/2016 16:06

MitzyLeFrouf Would I be approved for a mortgage for such a small amount though? I'd need a mortgage of about 30k

Well you'd still have £250,000.

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