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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

347 replies

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 14:58

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

OP posts:

FurryTurnip · 15/09/2016 09:22

It's yours. It was his wish. You don't know, he may have has very good reasons not to leave it to the others. You need to respect his wishes.

I'd keep It quiet too, it's a nice idea to treat the others but it would open up a massive can of worms.

ReadTheWholeFred · 15/09/2016 09:35

Family traitor ships make more difference to a happy life than money. I wouldn't risk them. I'd give £50k to your mum and her two siblings, they can share with their kids if they wish, then I'd keep £150k for buying me house. Everyone would think you v generous, no relationships would be jeopardised, and you'd have a lot of money to keep.

ReadTheWholeFred · 15/09/2016 09:35

And a will is a public document so you can't safely keep this secret.

imwithspud · 15/09/2016 09:38

I really don't see why op should have to share her inheritance just to keep the peace, when her father has inherited what sounds like a pretty big estate probably worth more than £300k, which no doubt will be shared with the rest of the family at some point.

The mind boggles

SoupDragon · 15/09/2016 09:41

The only way to ensure relationships aren't jeopardised is to share it out equally amongst everyone. Which is not what the GU wanted at all.

Her mother and siblings will most likely inherit from the grandfather anyway and he received the lions share of the estate - it is his place to rectify and perceived inequity, not the OP's alone.

Do people routinely seek out copies of the will? If no one says anything, it will simply appear that the grandfather inherited everything and the OP has a mortgage.

RandyMagnum · 15/09/2016 09:42

Don't get people trotting out the "share it, it's only fair" or "you should give £2k each for a holiday" no she shouldn't it's her money, she's free to do with it as she see's fit. I'd chose having a debt free and mortgage free household over ensuring Aunt Mavis has a nice 2 weeks in the Bahama's.

Waltermittythesequel · 15/09/2016 09:44

It's your money.

They had no relationship with him to your knowledge and it was his wish that you get it.

Think of the lovely home you could give your child! Keep it.

imwithspud · 15/09/2016 09:54

I'd chose having a debt free and mortgage free household over ensuring Aunt Mavis has a nice 2 weeks in the Bahama's.

Sorry but that last bit made me I totally agree with the sentiment though.

FranHastings · 15/09/2016 09:58

Keep it all. It was left to you. Make a safe future for you and your DD.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 15/09/2016 11:07

You don't know what will happen in your future. Owning a nice house and being mortgage free could be crucial one day. Plus it is an investment.

If you give the others, say 10k then you suddenly have a big new house, it will probably be obvious that you had a lot more, then there will be questions about how much etc, then resentment because you didn't give away more of your money. It is your money. Your mum and her sisters will inherit from their father. Your cousins shouldn't be your concern and your brothers didn't care enough to visit their GU or keep in touch. And will probably inherit from your DGD. It's clear why he wanted you to have it over anyone else. If he was alive would you turn around and tell hime he was wrong and had to share it out? It was his choice and you should respect that. Your DH and DD come first and this will make life a bit nicer for you all. Don't buy a house and gift the rest. Keep it for a holiday or whatever.

I'm due to inherit (if the money is there) one day over many others that won't. I will be equal to family members that are not of equal status to me and inherit over all of those who are equal status to me. It has been discussed with me for a few reasons. I am the only one that knows about it because of the potential fall out but it's what they want and I don't disagree with them. I certainly won't be giving any away to anyone (it won't be a huge amount anyway) and I know 100% they wouldn't for me if the situation was the other way around.

WalrusGumboot · 15/09/2016 11:39

I find it unbelievable the number of people who think you have to share it out to keep favour with your family. The people advocating that must have very poor opinions of their own family!

squoosh · 15/09/2016 11:43

If I came into such a large sum I'd definitely give an amount to each of my siblings. Not because I think they'd be jealous but because we're close and I'd want them to share in my good fortune.

Humidseptember · 15/09/2016 12:06

I really don't see why op should have to share her inheritance just to keep the peace

Having had extensive experience in these matters I can assure you it will not keep the peace far from it, in fact I would bet it would make matters far worse, "why only 5 grand, why only x - she can afford it" then years down the line op falls on harder times and all the relis who she dished out money too, ignore her...." not our fault she spent it all "

its too sticky....far too sticky. keep things as clean cut as you can with family to avoid fall outs. As another poster said - simply give a little more at weddings, birthdays etc.

You have a child think of the child.

Humidseptember · 15/09/2016 12:07

ALSO you can keep some back if you so wish for family should they hit harder times. For instance a family members car breaks down or boiler breaks....a few grands worth....perhaps you could help out then, anonymously or discreetly?

Humidseptember · 15/09/2016 12:10

it will probably be obvious that you had a lot more, then there will be questions about how much etc, then resentment because you didn't give away more of your money. It is your money. Your mum and her sisters will inherit from their father. Your cousins shouldn't be your concern and your brothers didn't care enough to visit their GU or keep in touch

Couldn't agree more. It really does seem that your care for this relative has prompted this kind repayment, it obv meant an awful lot to him, the elderly are the loneliest most cut off group we have in our society.

Clawdy · 15/09/2016 12:12

It's yours and you deserve it. Enjoy.

mum2Bomg · 15/09/2016 12:13

If I made a will and intentionally decided who to leave it to I would be upset if they felt they had to share it (well I wouldn't because I'd be dead, but you know what I mean...) Honour his wishes X Buy your house X

sofato5miles · 15/09/2016 12:14

If everyone feels strongly once they fi d out so what. There is still a heap of assets that will come down the chain at some point from your GF. You were merely chosen for a leap frogging bonus.

stolemyusername · 15/09/2016 12:21

Buy your home - your relative left the money to you, by giving it away you are giving away your child's future inheritance.

Brightredpencil · 15/09/2016 12:40

Keep it and avoid giving out token amounts because that will cause even more friction. I would also try to be discrete about it.
Once you start trying to split it - it becomes less valuable. You won't be able to move house for example. Plus people will start saying they want two shares because they have 13 children, 5 dogs and 2 budgies and live in an expensive area and someone else will say they don't think X should have a share at all because they're probably a drug dealer/will waste it on fags/sword at your GU when they were 6 etc etc etc
Keep it and honour the will.

coconutpie · 15/09/2016 12:52

Keep the money. It would be incredibly foolish to think if the shoe were on the other foot that your relatives would give you an equal share of £300k. They would not. Your GU wanted the money to go to YOU, not your relatives. If he did, he would have given them money in the will also. He did not. It would be really disrespectful to then go against his wishes. Keep the money and make a better life for you, DH and DD. Sorry for your loss

Solasum · 15/09/2016 13:05

There is no way on earth I would share it out in your position. Your immediate family now stand to benefit from your kindness and attention to your uncle. Why disregard his wishes?!

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