Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

347 replies

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 14:58

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

OP posts:
BabyGanoush · 14/09/2016 15:33

Just keep it, and keep quiet-ish about it.

Once you start sharing out, you can't win. Everyone will feel harddone by thinking you gave sibling/cousin/anyone else more.

Honestly, don't even start.

He left it to you.

ChampagneTastes · 14/09/2016 15:34

Absolutely do not share this money around. Your GU was clearly very fond of you and it was his wish that he provided you with the means to a more comfortable life. It is HIS decision, not yours or anyone else's. Accept it with grace and keep it to yourself; if he had wanted it to go to other family members he would have named them instead. Respect his wishes and whenever you come home to a lovely new house, smile and remember what a nice chap he was.

2rebecca · 14/09/2016 15:35

He was a distant relative and the inheritance was unexpected and probably because he knew you and kept in touch with you.
Why should you give the money to other people who are also distant relatives and who didn't keep in touch?
He meant it to be a life changing amount for you and your family.
I wouldn't bother giving token amounts to other people, I suspect that will just increase resentment.
You could give something to your brothers but if your cousins never kept in touch then I see no reason to give them money. It's only if someone dies intestate that money has to be shared according to how many genes you share with the deceased, otherwise when it comes to distant relatives (ie not spouse or children) you can leave it to who you like.

HKHKHR · 14/09/2016 15:35

Sorry for your loss. To me it sounds like Great Uncle appreciated your effort to stay in touch with him and was maybe thinking about helping you create stability for your daughter. I would ask Grandad not to say anything and just buy a house (pretend mortgage) and have a holiday if you want one. I don't think all your family need to know your financial situation and I don't think you need to give any money to anyone else sounds like Great Uncle could have willed money to others if he wanted too.

MrsderPunkt · 14/09/2016 15:36

Keep it and don't tell anyone. If your grandfather thinks is was unfair, be prepared to receive nothing/less from him at a later date. Buy the house now, live the life your GU wanted YOU to have. If you need to, you could lie and say you'd won £50k on the lottery to help you onto the housing ladder slightly higher up than people would've expected, but the money is yours and was given to you. Enjoy it.

diddl · 14/09/2016 15:36

Keep it.

Your GU could have requested that everything be sold & split between x, y & z if he had wanted.

travailtotravel · 14/09/2016 15:37

To think your grandad will probably be the one to even thus out, either now or in the future. He may gift the holiday home to everyone to share for example. Either way, you are the person he wanted to have this money and you should keep it. Sharing it may cause as much animosity as not sharing it. You're not being selfish if you do. You don't know what else might come to the rest of your family via other sources that you won't get.

Be happy. Don't feel guilty. Enjoy this gift and the life it will give you.

KarmaNoMore · 14/09/2016 15:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imwithspud · 14/09/2016 15:38

That is a life changing amount of money. Your uncle clearly wanted you to have it all otherwise he wouldn't have left it to you.

Keep it. Buy your dream house, have your nice holiday. Put you and your family first.

If your family take issue with this then that's their problem. They are not entitled to the money, you are. That's the end of it.

Wishfulmakeupping · 14/09/2016 15:39

I would share it out- I think I'd keep 200k and share 100k out I can see what people mean about that potentially riling the situation but I couldn't keep all 300k and not share some it out.

KarmaNoMore · 14/09/2016 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SEsofty · 14/09/2016 15:41

Agree that if anyone 'should' give something to the rest of the family it should be the grandad as the executor.

As an aside, an estate of that size would have two executors so at least one other person will know about the will.

deste · 14/09/2016 15:42

Will the rest of the family benefit when your GD dies.

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/09/2016 15:42

I would keep the lot and buy a house mortgage free.

You also need to be careful that no one takes the house off you in the event of a relationship breaking down.

That's very important.

Mosseywossey · 14/09/2016 15:42

I would keep it! You could still help them out your cousin or maybe give them what's left after you buy the housebut he name you in the will. Family's can get funny about money.

Stormtreader · 14/09/2016 15:42

If you facetimed him with your daughter a few times a month, maybe he liked the thought of you being able to give her a lovely childhood without the worry of a mortgage to pay?

If it makes YOU feel better then give the others something, it does sound like your brothers and cousins will get something from the house sale anyway.

If it was me, I'd buy a house like a shot, not many people get the chance to live rent-free, its a really lovely legacy for him to leave you :)

PerryHatter · 14/09/2016 15:44

If you don't want them to know about the money, don't go handing it out. It's not your responsibility to make sure everyone gets a bit of inheritance.
Your uncle gave the money to you. He wanted you to have it. Just like he wanted his brother to have the house.
Maybe you were the only one who kept in touch or actually made an effort. You don't know.
Buy the house you want and spend the rest of the money on you and your family. Don't feel that it's necessary to share it out.

CrabbyJo · 14/09/2016 15:44

VeryBitchyRestingFace
I know. The worst part was/is, my mum never told my father that I'd given her thousands of pounds, she kept it a secret from him. To this day, nearly a decade on, my father makes comments about how nobody has ever helped them out with money so they'll not be leaving anything to anyone Hmm

CousinCharlotte · 14/09/2016 15:44

Buy the house you want. No one else need know and they'll get a share of your GF estate in the future.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/09/2016 15:47

It's yours.
He wanted you to have it.
Respect his wishes and enjoy it.
This is your chance to really increase your standard of living.
Don't throw that away on guilt that is not yours!

Briette · 14/09/2016 15:47

I wouldn't lie about a lottery win or anything; that's going to cause far more strife if it's rumbled than anything else. Just move house and accept your GU's gift without tying yourself up in knots trying to smooth over potential ruffled feelings. Your contact with GU obviously touched him and he wanted the money to go to you. If I found out that my DB had been left some money by his relatives and nothing had been left for me (very likely, given my rocky relationship with the extended family!) I'd feel nothing but happiness for him that he'd been able to have a good relationship with them and been honoured in that way.

kilmuir · 14/09/2016 15:48

If they 'deserved ' the money he would have left them some.
He wanted you to have it. Enjoy!

2rebecca · 14/09/2016 15:49

Crabbyjo Why don't you tell your father the truth? It seems odd not to have told your parents together that you were giving them money at the time.
I think demanding money from your children is very mean, presumably why your mum was excluded from the will.

minipie · 14/09/2016 15:49

Keep it.

Usually I'm all about wills being fairly divided, but that's from parents towards their children. This is a great uncle. For whatever reason he chose you - he had no obligation (unlike parents) to treat all the cousins equally.

Treat the cousin you're close to to a really lovely wedding present.

Don't share it out. As soon as you start doing that - no matter what amounts you choose - people may start to see it as "Oops's decision to keep X amount of the money" rather than "Great-uncle's decision to leave it all to Oops". Much better if you leave it as great uncle intended.

Buy a lovely house Smile

LarrytheCucumber · 14/09/2016 15:50

My sister inherited a substantial amount of money from our Great Uncle and I got £50. However my sister visited him every week and I never did. I was really pleased with my £50 actually as he didn't need to leave me anything at all. My sister certainly didn't feel the need to share her money with me.
He left it to you because you were the person he wanted to give it to, so you don't need to share it.