I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

[OopsIdidagain]

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

afaik inheritance tax liability depends on the value of the entire estate of the deceased, I think it's anything over 325k?

if it was based on amounts left to individual beneficiaries then we could all avoid it by dividing up our estates into amounts just under the threshold!

In my experience most people just keep the money. A similar thing happened in our family and my parents house ended up up in the hands of my niece. Everyone was convinced she would sell it and share it the proceeds, but she didn't. Her father then died and left her most of his money, so she sold 2 houses and along with her dad's money and bought an enormous house in the country, because she "had always wanted a big house". She is single with no kids and lives alone in the mansion. She doesn't "rub our faces in it" because no-one has ever been invited! She is now barely tolerated in the family but it doesn't seem to bother her.

It is what he wanted to do with the money.

He didn't want to leave it to the others.

(On a MUCH smaller scale, my great-uncle left money to all the women in his family... and non to the men. The reversed the usual pattern and caused quite an upset... but he had his reasons and it was his will. Every family now has an Uncle Bob's dishwasher or green house etc. and he is often remembered though he died many years ago)

You should keep all of the money & follow your DH's thinking, 'Don't lie but don't brag'.

If your Uncle had wanted the others to have a share, he'd have given them a share. You visited as a child & you kept in touch - he wanted YOU to have it. If I was him I'd be pretty annoyed if you shared it around (if I wasn't senile when I made the will) because that implies you know better than I do where my hard earned money should go.

Additionally, no matter how you try to share it out people will be pissed off about it & they will know you inherited the money. Right now they'll most likely assume grandad got the lot.

I'm closer to some aunts/uncles than others, as most people are. They all have children so none of us will inherit from them, but if they didn't, I know that their wills wouldn't split it evenly amongst all the cousins, nor would I expect them to.

Just move to be near Grandad, IL's & get settled in time to enrol DD in the school you want.

However, given how low mortgage rates are I'd look at the best use of the money. I'd need to look into it, but I'd probably do something like use it as a deposit on our family home & then on deposits on a couple of buy to lets.

Re DH. I'm old, jaded & cynical - and spend too much time on the heartbreaking relationships board. I'd suggest putting £5k into a separate account for him now & getting a shit hot lawyer to protect this inheritance as much as you can with a marriage. It's not easy when you are currently happily married, but it's no easier when you are suddenly not. This money is your future security & roof over your & DD's heads, no matter what IF you protect it. Women are generally the ones that are shafted financially in a divorce, often having been the ones making the sacrifices for the care of the children while the men progress nicely up the career ladder. Protect yourself & DD.

I think the overall message here is pr try clear and is what you should do. The deceased man wanted you to have what was, to him, a very sma portion of his wealth. He would more than likely have known it was a big bonus for you. He also had plenty of other funds to go round if he wanted to benefit the other family members s you mention - it's not like he gave you his only asset. So he chose not to.

I would guess there are no other financial issues you routinely discuss with our cousins and siblings - they are unlikely to know your salary or savings or debt. So why should it be their business if your financial position changes? You have no obligation to provide for them in any way and if I were one of them, I'd probably be secretly regretting I wasn't nicer to the deceased but would never let you know. I certainly wouldn't expect it to give me any of (what is now) your money, any more than o would have expected the same this time last year when no legacy was in play. I mean, do you even buy these people Christmas presents? Why on earth would you effectively give up your own home for them? It's 'not fair' that they didn't benefit in the same way as you, but hey, life isn't fair. Some one could be smarter or prettier or luckier or more talented or any of a thousand things that aren't fair.

Op I think you should write your will, Asap. See a financial advisor if you're unsure how to buy a house.

Then buy a house outright in cash for your DD.

And then go on a holiday.

If your GU had wanted to leave your siblings or cousins anything, he would have done so.
If you feel that he wasn't in his right mind and always meant to give your siblings and cousins something, then you're inheritance may come into question.

You have a family already. Time to look after it first, before brothers and cousins who your GU didn't mention.
They may well inherit from your grandfather, and you may not.

Don't feel guilty whatever you do.
I agree with your DH not to brag and be flashy: you're not an ATM

I've heard of this a fair few times - many older folk remember those who kept in touch and cared about them.

I would keep the money for myself, my husband and 3 DC.

I have been in a similar situation OP, though admittedly the sum of money wasn't as great.

I was one of six grandchildren, and our grandmother left a decent chunk of change and a valuable piece of jewelry each to two of us, and nothing to the other four. The other four were extremely miffed at first, but it did all calm down in the end and they accepted that it was fair, as they basically saw her once or twice a year for short duty visits and that was it.

Whereas other cousin who inherited used to do her garden for her and pop in for tea once a week, and although I didn't visit that much I wrote her long letters a couple of times a month and sent her postcards whenever I went anywhere - and one of her favourite things was getting mail.

I suspect that the inheritance distribution in your family is a result of a similar scenario - you were the one who made the effort to stay in touch with him, so therefore he made the effort to remember you in his will.

Keep the money and respect his wishes OP, if he'd wanted it shared out then that is what he would have done himself.

I think your DHs attitude is a good one - no lies and no boasting. Most people probably wouldn't be rude enough (or interested enough) to ask if your new house was mortgaged or not. I know I would just assume that people buying a house had simply got a mortgage unless they told me something to the contrary.

Take it and enjoy.
If you feel too guilty I will gladly help you spend it.

Buy your house. I suspect another reason your GU chose you was that you had your head screwed on properly and he could trust you to use his hard-earned money wisely.

Similar thing happened to a friend. When asked how he managed to afford a house in a posh area, he says "yeah, it'a a stretch, but we really wanted DCs to attend this particular school, and they're really happy there ..." then go into boring detail about his kids' achievements. Works a treat to discourage further questions.

Yes, no lies no boasting! Good advice for life really.

Also: don't apologise, don't explain

Keep it. He obviously thought a lot of you and you made the effort to keep in touch. If you share it whatever you do will be wrong and he wanted you to have it and for it to make your life better.

Keeping in touch does make a difference to people. I have a great aunt and uncle. I see them quite a bit, my great aunt is coeliac so I make her little treats. I am taking them out for afternoon tea soon. They love seeing me, I am their favourite. Along with my mum we are the only ones that make the effort to visit them. I know they talk about each visit for days. If they did something like that for me it would be because I bring something to their lives.

I agree with previous posters that you should keep the money and buy your house. I might be tempted to have a small mortgage and keep the money aside in case anyone else has an emergency and you can help them out.

sixtyfeelssixteen I do feel your situation is different though. I can't understand how your parents' house ended up being inherited by their niece. That seems hugely unfair. Surely you should see that your own children are okay before looking after anyone else? That would make me resentful. Not because of the money but because of the unfairness of it.

Especially as she doesn't seem to have used it for anything positive - sounds like she didn't need a big house just for her.

Wow, what a difficult position he's put you in.

If you keep it all and buy a house, will the others find out? Or could you pretend it was on a mortgage/with help from your partner's family? would you feel comfortable lying?

I like the idea of giving some to aunts/mum but not cousins unless you are particularly close. Then if they wish to give some to their children/your cousins that's their call.

I like the idea of give 100k to aunt/mum and keep 200k which should at least buy you part of a house depending in the country where you live.

I'd be pleased, obviously, but slightly miffed at the old man with burdening this on your shoulders... what was he thinking? Maybe you could visit a medium to find out? (only half joking!)

£300k is a very specific amount of money, he no doubt looked up house prices and decided that would buy you a house and that's what he wanted. I agree don't boast to anyone but do keep it all.

keep the money.........you kept in touch with him.....he wanted you to have the money and if maybe if the others had kept in touch then they would have been left something and your mum and aunts maay inherit from their father
personally i wouldnt feel guilty about not giving anyone any of the money thaats left, id buy the house aand go on a holiday and use the rest as a buffer

similar thing happened to my mum - my grans cousin left my mum a share of his will - nothing to my aunt - difference my mum still visited him

Keep it.

If you tell anyone in your family about this money, it will change everything I believe. People change when money is put into the mix and you could find your family dynamics changed forever. After my Mum died, I was in a group counselling session when a man talked about how his family was at war over his Mum's possessions, house and money in her bank account. I thought to myself 'I am so glad that didn't happen to me' then it did. The greed and viciousness I saw has never left me.

Keep the money, buy a house, have a great holiday and keep anything left over for a rainy day. The house is also there for your DD's future.

Oh dear, some PPs Demi starting how a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!
oopsididitagain
The inheritance tax - and there will be some on an estate of this size - will be paid BEFORE the distribution of the estate and therefore will not diminish what you get, which will be completely tax-free to you.
Specific bequests of an amount of money to an individual are paid out of the estate once probate has been granted and you will get your share before the other beneficiaries.

If you use it to buy a main residence, it will not attract any tax in the years to come either.

You CANNOT keep this a secret. A will is a public document and can be viewed by anyone who can be bothered to go online and have a look.
In any case, in my experience, this kind of thing always gets disclosed.

*demonstrating, not Demi!!!!

Oh and forget buy-to-lets!! The yields are appalling at the moment. Just buy your family home.

I would keep it if I were you. However, is there any chance it can be kept secret? The family would notice your new purchase. My uncle died and left money to his two eldest children but not the youngest three. He said it was because he only wanted two children. He was a git in life and death. It caused a massive rift and the five children are not speaking to each other.

He specifically named you in his will. He had his reasons, and that should be respected. Get yourself a home and it will be an inheritance for your own children too.

Keep all the money for yourself and buy your house by your grandad and stop worrying about everyone else he wanted you to have that money so keep it and enjoy it.

Keep it. It's yours.