Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Original poster

I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

347 replies

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 14:58

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

OP posts:

lalalalyra · 14/09/2016 19:46

From bitter experience let me tell you that the people who get twisted and angry about wills - they get bitter and twisted about wills regardless if what you do.

This isn't a situation where one person has been left out, it's a will where the closest living relative (his brother) has inherited the majority and someone who gave him time and made the effort to keep in touch has been left something else.

Anyone in your family who sees anything other than "Oh, well, Oops did keep in touch with him" will NOT be happy with anything you do. My grandparents (who brought my siblings and I up) was weighted in my favour. I was the youngest and they wanted to ensure I didn't lose my home. So they gave my siblings money at the time and then wrote their will. This erupted 20+ years later, despite the fact it was nothing to do with me. I offered to pay back the difference so far the insults have been...

I think I'm god. Deciding who to give money too and who not too.
I'm showing off because I want to brag about my inheritance.
I'm rubbing their noses in it.
I think I'm better than them hence why I think I deserve more.
I think I'm better than then hence why I think I got more (that was in response to working out a split to the PENNY).

Anyone who begrudes you this will begrudge you it anyway. Buy the house your GU wanted you to have. Your mother and her sisters will be looked after by their father if he wishes. This is your Uncle's way of saying thank you.

Tapandgo · 14/09/2016 19:47

Buy the house........it was meant for you, not them. Maybe something was left to them you don't know about ( or you can say you assumed that......

clarehhh · 14/09/2016 19:49

Agree legitimately yours and you were then one who made the effort with him and this is what he wanted.Keep quiet if you can though and buy a house definitely!!

BarbarianMum · 14/09/2016 19:53

I've been in a similar situation, although with a (much) lesser amount. We shared the money, have never regretted that.

TattyDevine · 14/09/2016 19:55

I've got this. My Aunt is dying, I'm the benefactor of her will, which is half a house, in essence. Then she inherits. Around £100k. So I get that too soon, because she is failing fast, in a nursing home, might make it till Xmas if she's lucky. Sounds fine on paper but the reality is all sorts of guilt and questions.

And I'm already quite well off truth be told which makes it feel worse, so I'm currently working out what to do, and whether to sling some of it to my mother who has helped her out (mother is also very well off, but Im thinking I will, but don't quite know how this works, as we are n different currency zones).

Complicated!

It's true that the person who wanted you to have it wanted you to have it...this should generally be respected, though once you have it, it is yours to do with what you wish.

If you don't have a home that meets your needs, I feel that should be a priority.

Reading between the lines though, it's amazing what a few times a month facetime chat with an older folk can possibly "mean" to them. Food for thought.

kath6144 · 14/09/2016 20:05

Op - why cant you wait a year, why do you need to rush because of school applications?

If you are in the UK, school applications are made in the autumn of the school year in which the child turns 4, so that will be 2 years time if your DD isn't quite 2?

VladmirsPoutine · 14/09/2016 20:07

sleeponeday Thank you, but if I had my time again, I'd have done it differently. I inherited a huge amount and gave my sisters enough to put them through Uni without needing to take out a loan or to work - I thought that enough but years later I've lost my relationship with one sister and the other 2 are a bit hit and miss. I'd have done it entirely differently.

perrita · 14/09/2016 20:13

I'd buy the house and with the remaining £20k id share that out as a bit of something, if you're living mortgage free you'll be able to easily afford to pay for a holiday yourselves. But I wouldn't think badly of anyone who kept it all either. What does your DH think? At the end of the day, your GU could have chosen to divide the money out but he didn't, he wanted you to have it and you should feel no guilt for that.

GoldFishFingerz · 14/09/2016 20:14

They will eventually inherit from your Gdad. Maybe in the meantime give them 5k each and use the rest to finance a nice home for yourself

GoldFishFingerz · 14/09/2016 20:15

Yes you can pay for a house and then save for a holiday. It should be quick if you have no rev to pay

dowhatnow · 14/09/2016 20:16

Buy a house. He wanted you to do that. He knew your situation because you kept in touch and he saw your living arrangements via skype. Let people assume you have a mortgage on it. Don't splash loads of cash around. Have lots of smaller holidays over the years rather than one grand one now.

If you are pushed into a corner and asked directly, then don't lie but be vague about how much i.e. It speeded our ability to buy up. It was taking an age to save for a deposit. so not lying but deflecting the question. Make sure people know he was grateful for you keeping in touch and even that he wanted you to buy a house.

If you give people a small amount then they'll still be resentful you got more so don't bother. Give a larger than usual cheque as a wedding present but not too large as to start them asking questions.

Don't feel guilty. If he wanted them to have it, he'd have left it to them. Actually you would be being quite disrespectful to ignore his wishes. Look at it that way. After all it's the truth. You wouldn't want to disrespect him would you?

Humidseptember · 14/09/2016 20:17

I am sure the thread has moved on and by this stage the money has been shared, but in this instance just keep the money, in the grand scheme of life now a days its not THAT much and who knows, maybe he knows your granddad isnt going to leave you a thing? Who knows, maybe he just really likes you - thats allowed isnt it?

If I left so much to one child removed in family ( ie not direct child of mine) it would be because I want too, I would be annoyed if they shared my money with people I liked less.

Also once you start to help other cousins your going to mire yourself in the " why did she help them but not me".

Buy a nice house for you and your dh and by the good school.

Humidseptember · 14/09/2016 20:18

Actually you would be being quite disrespectful to ignore his wishes. Look at it that way. After all it's the truth. You wouldn't want to disrespect him would you?

Totally agree with this and you have a child and owe it to her to protect her legacy too.

perrita · 14/09/2016 20:23

cexuwaleozbu · 14/09/2016 20:23

Buy the house and don't worry about it. Be generous with Christmas, birthday and wedding presents to the wider family but don't get embroiled with "sharing it out".

Your uncle had a right to leave his estate to whomever he chose. He chose to give a lump sum to the niece who could be bothered with him. Respect that.

Couldashouldawoulda · 14/09/2016 20:29

Respect his wishes and keep it. Buy yourself a house! £300k isn't even a big budget in house terms, at least if you're in the South East. If you're renting, you need that money to buy yourself and your family somewhere permanent to live. Financial opportunities like this almost never come along. Put yourselves first. He wanted you to have it.

FriendofBill · 14/09/2016 20:36

I would tell them the truth and be happy about it.
Totally up front.

You have done nothing wrong.

RepentAtLeisure · 14/09/2016 20:44

If it were me, I'd share it. I've seen the sadness caused by close relatives being overlooked in wills.

This isn't 'close relatives' though. He wasn't their parent. He was a great uncle - and from the sounds of it, a great uncle most of the relatives didn't go to much effort for.

There's less likely to be sadness invoked here, more likely greed and anger.

fruitbrewhaha · 14/09/2016 21:19

Keep it, he willed it to you. Perhaps your Gdad will not keep all the property and he can share out some of his with his daughters and Grandchildren.

maninawomansworld01 · 14/09/2016 23:07

If he wanted it shared out then that's what he would have written in the will.

Have a word with your GD and see if he'll keep quiet , keep your own mouth shut, take the money and buy your house (Everyone will assume it's on a huge mortgage).

Sorted.

BabarityOfRoses · 14/09/2016 23:11

And with any luck, when you move close to your GD, you'll be able to ensure he leaves you everything too ! Sorted.

Bogeyface · 14/09/2016 23:11

I think that sharing it is likely to cause resentment rather than help it, because whatever the OP does with the money, it was still left to her by GU and not willed to all of them.

OT but does anyone else want to write GUM?! :o

Kitchenaide · 14/09/2016 23:14

Keep it. After you've paid 40% IHT it will help towards a house. Your great uncle must have been very civic minded as there will be two lots of IHT - on his death and when your grandad passes away. So there won't be a huge amount left of the beautiful estate as most of it will go to the taxman.

DailyMailPenisPieces · 14/09/2016 23:28

I'd be very inclined to share it, but then why didn't he?

ImperialBlether · 14/09/2016 23:33

You don't pay any inheritance tax on £300,000.

Flip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Swipe left for the next trending thread