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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

347 replies

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 14:58

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

OP posts:
choppolata · 14/09/2016 17:52

Also if you already owned the house you'd put that money straight on the mortgage. By giving it away you are creating more debt for yourself! As a pp said, buy the house and think of his lovely, life changing gift to you.

Idliketobeabutterfly · 14/09/2016 17:52

That says why he left it to you:
He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

He would have treasured all the contact and seeing your daughter grow, even if only on facetime.

KenAdams · 14/09/2016 17:53

Buy a house. He obviously knew you needed money for one so left it to you. Don't lie about how you got the money, just say you've bought a house and not mention where the money came from. People will hardly ask to see your mortgage papers.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 14/09/2016 17:53

If he bothered to write a will at all then he must have spent time thinking about it. After the thinking he chose to leave it to you. Not your cousins. There is a reason. Should his wishes not be paramount? If not, get rid of wills altogether and share all inheritances amongst all descendants, no? No! Maybe he felt the older gen of your family had made their way already and wanted to leave it to a younger member of the family as it may really change their life. That member of the family is you. Why? Maybe because you were the only who kept in touch with him and it meant more to him than you ever realised?

EweAreHere · 14/09/2016 17:56

Keep it. He left it to you; he likely appreciated the fact that you stayed in touch with him, which took effort, and he wanted you and your children to benefit.

I would suggest not saying anything to anyone. You're a grown up. It's no one's business but yours. You don't owe anyone information about your personal finances except a life partner/husband.

Tell your grandfather you've decided you're not going to mention it.

Do not be bullied into sharing it out if they do happen to find out.

TheBakeryQueen · 14/09/2016 17:57

This is a life changing amount of money for you, and it sounds like it was carefully considered by your GU and he must've felt you deserved/needed it.

Honour his wishes and buy that house! This is for your child/children too ultimately.

Don't feel guilt, you sound like a lovely person.

Sorry for your loss and good luck.

Enkopkaffetak · 14/09/2016 17:59

Keep it.Buy your house and have a holiday. Send him a quiet thank you on your first night in your new house.

He wanted you to benefit and saw a reason as to why to do so.

I am one of 19 cousins. I have chosen to live in the UK they are all still in DK. If they were to inherit something from a relative and I wasn't I would never feel that this was unfair. I am not there they are.

Sounds to me like you were there for him and he appreciated it. If your grandfather feels like it he can share parts of his out.

TrickyD · 14/09/2016 18:01

If I left a large sum of money to one relative in particular, there would have been a very good reason for my doing this. I would hate to peer down from my cloud and watch the recipient feeling obliged to share it with others.

Buy a house.,

BaggyCheeks · 14/09/2016 18:14

If I left a large sum of money to one relative in particular, there would have been a very good reason for my doing this. I would hate to peer down from my cloud and watch the recipient feeling obliged to share it with others.

Me too. Otherwise what is the point in leaving a will behind if people will just do what they fancy with your stuff, regardless of your wishes.

Crikeyblimey · 14/09/2016 18:15

When my great aunt (dad's aunt) died (in 1989), she left her savings and investments to her nieces and nephews (she has no children) but she left her house to my mother.

Mum wasn't a 'blood relative' but had been the one to always keep in touch, drive the 30 miles to collect her every Christmas Day to spend the day with us, visited regularly etc.

None of my great aunts nieces and nephews batted an eyelid at this because they knew mum was the one who had been the closest thing to a daughter my Gt. Aunt had had in later life.

Keep the money - he left it to you for a reason. Enjoy it and toast him when you get the keys to your home.

toptoe · 14/09/2016 18:16

It's yours to keep. That's what he wanted based on your relationship with him.

kurlique · 14/09/2016 18:18

OP it's yours... Buy a house. My mum inherited a significant sum (though a fraction of yours!) from a relative of my dad's... Because she was nice to her on the odd occasion that they met ( she lived at the other end of the country) and bothered to stay in touch, at Christmas etc but it is the little things like that matter to people (this relative had no offspring of their own either)... You have been left this money because you are a good egg... Bravo to you!StarFlowers

QOD · 14/09/2016 18:19

It's yours. Buy a house. No one has to know you have no mortgage!

FantasticButtocks · 14/09/2016 18:20

Also, if you tell your mum your good news and she, or anyone else, tells you you should be giving some to her or your siblings or cousins, you just say if great uncle had intended they should have some, then he would have left them some. You will be putting your own dc first, so buying a house near the school and using great uncle's money to provide a good life for your child. If anyone in your family wants to argue with that they will look like a greedy, entitled sod. It's not your job to provide for anyone apart from your own child.

I think you need to make peace with this first op, though. If you are all hesitant and apologetic or wondering what to do..then you'll be giving a message that this is really unfair and that you see it as your job to make it fair.

You'll need to accept that this really is ok. He left it to you because he wanted you to have it If he had wanted any other outcome he would have written that in his will.

OVienna · 14/09/2016 18:20

He could have given money to others over their lifetime.

He may (not to sound paranoid) have information about the planning of other wills and how they may or may not affect you. He may be aware of other cash having been given to other parties etc that you were not included in/other people benefited from and he feels that giving this to you now means they are not disadvantaged. He may have all sorts of information that you aren't aware of which influenced his decision.

I understand why you feel you're in a bit of a pickle but I would let the legacy stand.

SuburbanRhonda · 14/09/2016 18:21

I'm in a similar situation OP.

My aunt (and godmother) died in May. She had been NC with her three sisters and their families for around 15 years. She and I stayed in touch by email and phone (she lived in the US) and she made me sole beneficiary of her will (house, car, all savings etc). She was a widow and had no children - I think she felt a bit like I was her daughter. She adored my DC.

I had to tell my DM about the will - in fact I had to tell all the sisters that my aunt had died. DM thankfully was absolutely fine about it and I'm hoping the other sisters will be too.

She wrote the will eight years ago and made it clear why she was leaving everything to me. I believe she made her intentions clear and if she'd wanted other family menbers to inherit, she'd have said so in her will.

Maisy313 · 14/09/2016 18:24

Could you give them a token 2k each for a holiday or something?

Adnerb95 · 14/09/2016 18:26

He obviously left you the money for a reason - so I would honour his wishes and use the bulk of it for a house, but there's no reason not to be generous and maybe make a gift to Mum and sisters. Your cousins will benefit in due course from their parents inheriting so you will be indirectly benefiting them anyway.
Some posters seem to think you can keep it all secret - you can't. A will is a public document and can be viewed by anyone so they will likely know anyway!

honeylulu · 14/09/2016 18:28

Keep it. He wanted you to have it. You sound lovely and I bet you deserve it.

Notagainmun · 14/09/2016 18:30

Your DM and aunts will inherit off your GD. Would your brothers and siblings share? I think you have to put yourself,DH and DD first and buy that house.

ChocolateBudgeCake · 14/09/2016 18:32

Share it . This happened to me, I was left out of a will and it was shit. Doesn't have to be an equal split but give them something at least. Regardless of the relatives wishes it's now yours to do with what you will.

2StripedSocks · 14/09/2016 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alibobbob · 14/09/2016 18:36

Keep it. Your Grandad may choose to leave everyone something in his will and not you as you are now quite wealthy. Sorry to put that thought in your head.

Maybe speak to your Grandad about your inheritance.

Enjoy x

AcrossthePond55 · 14/09/2016 18:43

Keep it, he wanted you to have it for his own reasons.

I agree with Alibob, if you're so inclined speak to your Granddad about removing you from his will. Just be sure that he will keep your confidence.

As people get older, they really value (and remember) those who keep in touch with them, especially younger people. I remember as a child there was an elderly lady at our church who told the most amazing stories of her childhood. Even as a child I was always fascinated with 'days gone by' so used to love to listen to her. One Sunday she gave my mother a sum of money for her to 'buy me something nice' because she so enjoyed having someone young listen to her.

ohtheholidays · 14/09/2016 18:45

Keep it OP,your Uncle wanted you to have the money not anyone else.
Your the one that kept intouch with him,he obviously loved you and your DD very much and he wanted to do something lovely for you both.
Your Grandad obviously agreed with him as well,being as he's helped out with the IT and isn't going to tell anyone else.

Respect his last wishes and use the money to do great things for you,your DH and your DD!

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