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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

347 replies

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 14:58

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

OP posts:

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 17:17

That was to Jinxxxxx

EddieHitler · 14/09/2016 17:21

At first I thought buy a cheaper house and share what's left, but reading what others have said, I'm inclined to agree with the majority now and say keep it.

Buy a nice house, enjoy your holiday(s) and thank your uncle for being so lovely and generous.

If anyone asks, tell them the truth, you have nothing to hide- no secrets , no guilt.

PlymouthMaid1 · 14/09/2016 17:21

You say you don't know why he left it to you but that seems clear to me since you bothered to maintain a relationship with him. I would not share it directly but maybe treat them a little in the future as already suggested. If they have the cheek to actually ask why they were not in the will then maybe it will occur to them that they did not actually have a relationship with your uncle. Buy that house and do not feel guilt. he wanted YOU to have the money not them.

paranormalish · 14/09/2016 17:25

Ooh ' There may be trouble ahead'...

If you are going to keep it don't tell a soul as it won't end well unless you are a really close family that repects your DGU will.

Statistically almost nil - sorry. Resentment will build.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 14/09/2016 17:25

It was his decision and you have no reason to feel guilty. Enjoy the money. My old next door neighbour offered £30k to stay in my old house when my ex had cheated and left me and was buying me out. Purely because I took the time to speak to him, helped him with a tiny bit of gardening and helped him and his disabled wife out in a power cut.
My ex had no time for him.
I didn't take it by the way, but made the mistake of telling ex when he was moving back in. I bet he rinsed him too

SoupDragon · 14/09/2016 17:26

Keep it.

You made a lot of effort to keep in touch with him and I can only assume the others didn't.

mydietstartsmonday · 14/09/2016 17:26

He left it to you.
Buy your house, enjoy your life.
It is want he wanted, to do anything else is going against his wishes.

SoupDragon · 14/09/2016 17:26

If you start giving people a share, it is going to be clear that you inherited and they did not. Questions will be asked about how much and why and I strongly suspect it will not go well.

WalrusGumboot · 14/09/2016 17:28

Keep it and do what you said with it.

No need to give anyone any of it and no need to lie either.

If any of your family take against you well they weren't worth being close to in the first place. They should be happy for you!

deltacrook · 14/09/2016 17:29

He left it to you. If he wanted others to have cash he would have split it that way. Do not feel guilty. Set yourself up and enjoy.

starsorwater · 14/09/2016 17:30

Keep it. I would not be happy if I had made that will and it was not carried out as I had planned. Your grandfather has it in his power to even things up- he has inherited far more than you.

Dozer · 14/09/2016 17:30

Seems likely that Grandad could reveal this to someone in the family (eg his daughters)? Or perhaps he'll just leave the rest of the estate to them in his will, along with his own money.

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/09/2016 17:35

Anyone can get a copy of a will so there's no point trying to hide the fact you've inherited.

Bogeyface · 14/09/2016 17:36

Your feelings on this are not really relevant tbh.

GU wanted you to have it. If he wanted it shared out then he would have done that, but he didnt.

If you do anything other than what he wanted, you will be going directly against his wishes. Dont feel guilty for carrying out the last wishes of a man you loved.

Presumably he didnt leave anything to your mum and her sisters because he knew that they would inherit directly from your grandad, which makes sense and I would have done the same in his position. He left the bulk of his estate to his brother, knowing it would be passed on, and left a cash gift to you in order to set you up in your own home. I see no reason why you should share it and in fact, if you do then you are likely to open a huge can of worms.

At the moment no one will know, but if you tell them that he left you that amount but you are sharing it then thats where the falling out will start and you will wish that you had never bothered!

HanYOLO · 14/09/2016 17:36

EITHER

Keep it. Make it clear you expect nothing from your Grandfather when he passes on any inheritance.

Split it equally between the 6 cousins.

It would really help if you knew what your GF was going to do and if it could be planned together.

Ask yourself though, would any of your cousins share the money with you if they were in your position?

RaspberryOverload · 14/09/2016 17:36

OP, keep the money and buy the house to secure your family's future. By which I mean you, your DH and your DD.

I highly doubt that if it was one of the others who had received the inheritance that they would have shared it.

You are a nice person, hence keeping in touch with your GU.

The others didn't and would not likely feel guilty about keeping the lot if they had inherited anything.

Don't gift any money, they had a choice to keep in touch or not. Maybe buy a nice wedding present for the cousin, but certainly buy that house!

Bogeyface · 14/09/2016 17:38

Anyone can get a copy of a will, but why would they do so unless they thought that something was wrong? As far as everyone knows, Grandad inherited the estate, so it probably wouldnt occur to anyone to check. Its possible of course, but unlikely. And frankly I wouldnt consider it anyone elses business so while I would hide it exactly, I certainly wouldnt be discussing it with anyone except Grandad.

StressedNHSemployee · 14/09/2016 17:40

If it was one of your siblings or cousins who got the money, would they share it with you?

FantasticButtocks · 14/09/2016 17:40

I don't think keeping it a secret is a good idea at all, (and certainly not complicating things with making up a lie about winning the lottery) though I guess that depends a bit on the relationship you have with your DM. I am close to my dds, and if some old relative left one of them a huge sum of money I'd be amazed if my dd didn't tell me all about it and want to discuss such a huge thing, as we talk about the things that are going on in each other's lives and that would be a huge omission. I'd also be rather insulted if they kept me in the dark about it because they thought I might cause some sort of row or feel hard done by.

In your position, I'd tell your mum that you've had an amazing windfall because great uncle has left you money in his will and you're going to buy a house! Possibly add that everyone will be getting good Christmas pressies this year. Hopefully, she will just be happy for you rather than resenting you or thinking she can direct you in how to spend it.

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/09/2016 17:40

Well who knows, but I don't see the point of trying to keep it a secret. If you're keeping all the money just keep it, no need to be all cloak and dagger. In my experience, something like this will always come out.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/09/2016 17:45

About your comment that you'd like to help the cousin (?) who's getting married ... could you perhaps give them a generous gift, either in cash or something they really need? After all everyone gives gifts at weddings, so whatever you decide to tell family about the windfall, surely even the most unreasonable person would struggle to object to that?

Or maybe I'm being naive again ...

choppolata · 14/09/2016 17:49

Keep it! Why would you want to go against his wishes? Would the others do the same for you if the boot were on the other foot? I doubt it.

Ackeeandsaltfish · 14/09/2016 17:49

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. If you do decide to share it out, someone will be unhappy with the amount they get.

I would keep quiet at the moment. He left it to you and your grandfather. Maybe your grandfather in turn will leave money to your mother and siblings but not you. In any case, it sounds like there will be a significant amount of inheritance tax to pay on it.

It was his money, and that's what he wanted you to have. Maybe he gave or ( lent and not paid back) money to his nieces and their other children, over the years, that you don't know about. If he had left it to someone outside the family, no one would exert pressure on them to share it out would they?

Sallystyle · 14/09/2016 17:50

He wanted you to have it. It is your money and his wishes, do what he wanted you to do.

Buy your house and enjoy your holiday. Start sharing and it will get messy anyway.

I am sorry for your loss but please enjoy that money

WaxyBean · 14/09/2016 17:51

Another vote to buy a house. You don't need to discuss how you have funded it or if you got anything in the will. If it is discovered just say that you are grateful that he thought of you in his will and don't know why the others weren't included.

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