Not wanting children... How did you know for sure

[Labyrinthian]

Background - mid 30s. Together 15 years. Lots of nieces and nephews, friends with children. Play a team sport where we regularly mind/ watch/ chat to all ages of children.

For years we put aside idea of kids - when we get married, when we move country, when we buy a house then we will think about it. But...

Reality is I've never ever been broody. No interest at all. I enquire about my friends kids, appear v interested, but honestly I don't have a real interest in having my own. (I should say kids seem to love me, even babies, unknown why, but even stroppy teenagers like me).

He is worse than me, really no interest at all. Has a huge moan every time one of our friends gets pregnant and always assumesits an accident! Basically mindset of 17 year old (oh and he's great, I'm just being honest about this side of him).

So as far as I see it we are not good candidates for parenthood, but society says otherwise. So does my family.

I feel like we are at decision age. I don't like the risk that either of us would be bitter if we had kids, and I don't mind ignoring the mainstream view of society...

But has anyone felt they really missed put and regret it later in life? Or was anyone like us but then has a surprise pregnancy that changed everything?

I will be inheriting a business and property and feel guilty that I am being given this, but would not have a family to pass it to (as I know how my parents would like me to have kids)

I've been "hovering" on Mumsnet for years, User. The whole rude, tedious "why are you here"question comes up with monotonous regularity.
Because it's one of the biggest online discussion resources that mostly centres women, in the UK. Because plenty non child related stuff gets discussed. And there are many of us child free posters here.
Its your problem to deal with if you don't lie that.

Can I remind you this website is "by parents for parents".

Considering the amount of non-parents on this thread and elsewhere on Mumsnet, it has clearly evolved in something else. It doesn't take a PhD to understand that also non-parents can have opinions.

And not all parents are so judgemental either, because my mum is totally fine with me not giving birth to any grandchildren of hers, she never said once 'oh you know what, if you dislike motherhood, I can undo you because I gave you life'.

How patronising and condescending to say that, also a moot point because mothers have also given birth to the likes of Hitler, Mussolini, Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden, Ted Bundy and all sorts of evil people and serial killers, maybe if they had been childless it would have been for the greater good, right? See, you can't judge a choice, one way or another. It's personal, just be respectful either way.

somewhere - absolutely . All are welcome to this website, but the fact remains that this is a parenting site. You can't change the flavour of it. Yes many topics are discussed, but often the issues are coloured by parenthood- so holiday threads are from an angle which is with kids in mind, as is christmas, or food, or career- all have a bias towards life issues which have children's needs involved somewhere along the line.

If I joined a cycling enthusiasts web site and bleating on about how I had never owned a bike, no intention of ever owning a bike, and much preferred driving a car anyway- I would expect to be questioned.

This website is no different- and Mumsnet clearly don't agree with your idea of the "evolution" of the site. look at the top of the page you are reading " by parents for parents".

Big clue.

I've been a member here for years, getting on for 10 years maybe. I've posted hundreds of times on many topics, mostly travel, food, relationships - and have been thanked for my contributions on many, many occasions. So fuck off with your 'child based' subjects - it's a big old world and children are just one part of it. Thankfully we don't all see every single thing through a child centred prism

I do wonder what some people do when their children grow up and away

@Costacoffeeplease

Absolutely agree with you. Lost my old account, but I've been posting on here for 5 years.

@user1471

Your argument sounds childfree-phobic at best or self-entitled at the very least, sorry. If you were right, Mumsnet HQ would probably delete all the users who have not children. They have not done so because the range of topics actually present on the website do not necessarily cover something that has to do with children. How many threads in "In the news" or "Feminism" sections cover children?

The title doesn't actually mean anything, sorry. Or you wouldn't be allowed to post on the Guardian nowadays because only subscribers or Guardian account holders could actually post there in the old days.
Websites change, as anything else in life.

User given that you haven't even been arsed to get a proper user name and are therefore clearly a new poster I don't know why you get to dictate what the site is about to everyone else.

As for this:
desolate- I am laughing at the irony of that comment.
Without us "breeders" there would be no society.
in response to me saying that having children was the default option for so many years, have to taken the two seconds to consider that it's only in the last few decades that contraception has been an active choice? That in previous year many people had children that they didn't want?

I never used the term 'breeder' and, because I'm not an utter fuck wit, I am perfectly well aware that I wouldn't be here without someone having children equally the world wouldn't be so massively over populated

There are many things that I can join in with on this site without having children least of all the infertility threads. If that's ok with you.

Sad to see this thread degenerating into parent vs CF slagging off. Let's not fall into the trap of letting ourselves be defined by whether or not we have kids. Isn't that what all CF women and most mothers are fighting against? We are people/women first and some of us are also mothers.

I am glad there are women without children on mumsnet which perhaps she be called women's net to include all, everyone brings different perspectives to things and there should be more tolerance, that's not to say agree with everything that's being said just respect different points of view.

OP think you are realising that you are fast approaching decision time and are seeking some reassurance that you have made the right choice. ultimately only you can make that choice but it is an intelligent thing to do to get all the facts so that you can make the best possible choice for you.

I do have dc's despite having infertility issues. I love my dc's dearly but as with everything there is always pros and cons to the choices we make. I have little family support which has restricted things more. Other areas of my life are on the back burner for sure but I feel I have made the decision with least regret and greatest happiness and that is what you must do. There will come a time when this will no longer become a question for you and that time is probably fast approaching. Good luck with whatever you decide.

P.s I lurk on threads like this to gain insights into other people's perspectives on life.

Well said Monkey

"Here goes again: I used a dismissive and rude word to describe parents as a way of illustrating how (some) parents are rude and dismissive about the choices of the child-free."
*
Dylan* you at least admit it's dismissive and rude - to make a point - ok. I get it.

Peace ?