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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to smack my MIL?

166 replies

Crispspsps · 13/09/2016 22:23

Venturing back in to the wonderful chaos that is AIBU..

I have many in-laws. Widowed and remarried, and long story short I have my mum, no dad, and 6 inilaws (late DH parents split and re-married, and now new DH parents). Most grandparents have accepted our new blended family and love all of our kidS.
New DH parents having a 50th anniversary party in October. They are twats (DH would agree) and are inviting only adults to a "smoked salmon on blinis followed by WTF I can't remember" lunch, but also their 5 grandchildren, of whom only one is blood (the others are steps). The menu for the day is so un-child friendly But the 5 grandchildren must come. So they can show them off despite the fact that they have never been there for any of them for any significant part of their lives, including when their DDIL died.
Actually I have already BU and have emailed MIL saying that if they can't get their smoked salmon caterers to put on a couple of plates of plain food and cucumber slices then we will bring packed lunches to their posh do. In a spiderman lunch box. Let's see how that goes down.

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 13/09/2016 22:28

YANBU to take your own food but YABVVVU to want to smack her over unsuitable catering!!! I'm assuming there is a lot more to this that you will share in subsequent posts.

Original poster
Crispspsps · 13/09/2016 22:30

You are right bumsex. This is the latest in a long line of them being really crap in all sorts of ways.

OP posts:
Duckyneedsaclean · 13/09/2016 22:31

You sound a bit unhinged. Just bring food for them or feed them before/after.

Original poster
Crispspsps · 13/09/2016 22:34

I want to smack her over many things. THe day DH's late wife died he phoned them to say it was all over and they had to turn the life support off, and they said "We will come after our conversational French class" There is background there I didn't explain.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/09/2016 22:35

If the kids don't like fish, why not just tell them?

Original poster
Crispspsps · 13/09/2016 22:39

Ducky, honestly I'm not unhinged. I'm probably over-sharing, but not unhinged. I'm perfectly capable of feeding my kids (including my step-daughter who is the granddaughter of the people in question) but they show their grand daughter off when it suits them but won't make any other exceptions to their lives to actually help her.

OP posts:
SparklesandBangs · 13/09/2016 22:40

What's wrong with DC eating smoked salmon blinis, sounds normal food to me. If they are young just take what they will eat and stop fussing or explain the back story.

CandyMcJingles · 13/09/2016 22:42

I think you are just at the end of your tether be need a good rant.

People have different expectations. What you say about the ddil seems inexplicable and must have hurt.

Just turn up late, leave early, and go to pizza express instead of simmering.

SaucyJack · 13/09/2016 22:43

All three of mine (2,9&11) would love smoked salmon.

If you want a sensible answer, then you need to post the full story.

None of us on here can psychically intuite what's so terrible about your MIL.

Original poster
Crispspsps · 13/09/2016 22:59

Guys, go back a few comments and see what I said about their behaviour when DH's late wife died. THere's a history. They are emotionally constipated and refuse to talk about anything to do with emotions.

Smoked salmon blinis are not normal food for my kids.

THey know the back story, they are my effing parents in law. It wasn't really a point about food, more about distant grandparents not getting the point. Yes, we have "fussy" kids who won't eat smoked salmon, but they want us to come to a big "hurray" party with lots of older folks who none of us know, to parade the grandchildren around despite them being bored out of their minds, and to ignore the fact that Dh and I have had tragic losses in the last 4 years. They never phone, don't care what is going on in our lives, haven't phoned to ask about the new school year. But they will parade the kids around like they have some responsibility for who they are. They are fab kids. No thanks to them.

OP posts:
MLGs · 13/09/2016 22:59

I don't see why kids can't eat any food that adults can. Dont know why they have to go to an event that they will probably be bored and where you will have a better time without them.

RandomMess · 13/09/2016 23:01

From what little you've said, this is just the last straw - they've no interest in any of the DC yet want them there and you'll have to run around after them and it will be hell all around...

Have you thought about a family crises that coincides so you can't make it?

Ditsy4 · 13/09/2016 23:02

So if the food is unsuitable ( mine ate smoked salmon too,not the veggies ) then ask if you can contact the caterers or hotel and ask them to provide finger food for the children it shouldn't be a problem.

Personally I don't think we need to know. Sometimes, at family dos, you have to grin and bear it.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 13/09/2016 23:05

It's not the catering is it? It's the putting on a front and expecting everyone else to go along. My family pull shit like this. I reckon you should all come down with 'a virus' and sack the whole thing off.

Original poster
Crispspsps · 13/09/2016 23:07

Ditsy I have emailed MIL about it. She is going to "look into it". Which is about the best we can expect. Random, I'm kind of thinking that way, but have to keep the peace. Of course we will grin and bear it, but it's a culmination of DH being in counselling for years because his parents are emotional fuckwits, and them being just a bit twatty about their big party, which is more important than anything else ever this year, and needs everyone's attention. Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crispspsps · 13/09/2016 23:08

Yes JohnLapsley. Spot on.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/09/2016 23:09

Are they local enough just to pop in for an hour or two? If not, any reason why you can only make an hour or two Grin

ohtheholidays · 13/09/2016 23:10

I'm sorry you've both been through so much Flowersthey sound bloody awful OP do you have to go?or can you come up with an excepted excuse for not being able to make it?

Yorkieheaven · 13/09/2016 23:11

Don't go. It's am invitation you can ignore. The food issue is silly as any normal parent would take s packed lunch for the kids or feed them
Before.

Just don't go.

WorraLiberty · 13/09/2016 23:12

So it's not really about the kids not liking fish, it's about them being invited to a party, when they don't normally have anything to do with them?

Would you be upset if they didn't invite them to the party?

They definitely sound like they're emotionally constipated, but all the same I would still have expected them to invite the kids along.

RandomMess · 13/09/2016 23:13

I'm the same JohnL, my parents don't do support and I just cant/won't play happy families anymore!

Yorkieheaven · 13/09/2016 23:13

You don't hsve to keep the peace you see adults who can decline invited you do not wish to attend.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 13/09/2016 23:16

I don't see why kids can't eat any food that adults can.

I used to think that. Dd eats absolutely everything. And even at the age of two would sit quietly and have an almost adult conversation with you whilst she did.

And then I had ds. Grin

PrimalLass · 13/09/2016 23:18

I don't see why kids can't eat any food that adults can.

Oh FFS. Because sometimes they just won't.

Lilacpink40 · 13/09/2016 23:19

What are the rest of your (extended) family doing?

If DH, you and DCs will know some others then contact then in advance with a plan to take a range of plain snacks and let DCs play. If it is only new people then say no. You don't have to go no gun to your head.