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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was nuts?

190 replies

HollyCarrot · 12/09/2016 22:04

Bringing dc to school this morning, got on train when man and his dc appears at door and asks if we're going to our school. I said we were and he says can you take my dc. Being a people pleasing fool and stunned I said yes and proceeded to take his dc on short train trip and five min walk across very busy roads to school. Am still annoyed this evening, had never spoken to the guy or his kid before, he just handed his child over to a complete and utter stranger!

OP posts:
TwoLittleBlooms · 13/09/2016 23:01

Holly, you did the right thing informing the school. Hopefully, it will get sorted by them .

KERALA1 · 13/09/2016 23:03

Quite flattering really. You obviously look like a safe pair of hands and lovely mum. Bloody cheek though!

Original poster
HollyCarrot · 13/09/2016 23:07

Tahiti - how did you know. In Dublin alright and a very busy part at rush hour. Gold medal to you for sussing ;)

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyCarrot · 13/09/2016 23:08

Kerala - I'm hugely flattered but I don't think he had the time to size me up!

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyCarrot · 13/09/2016 23:09

Thanks Blooms Flowers

OP posts:
TathitiPete · 13/09/2016 23:12

Just trying to picture it really Grin

Original poster
HollyCarrot · 13/09/2016 23:20

Between Bewleys and the four seasons

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 13/09/2016 23:34

I like the talking on the phone idea, it's rude to interrupt so you can shoo him away with a hand gesture and continue walking.

MissLadyM · 13/09/2016 23:41

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Original poster
HollyCarrot · 13/09/2016 23:47

Read the full thread miss, have tried to extricate myself since it started!

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 13/09/2016 23:56

Holly You won't need to worry tomorrow morning, I wouldn't have thought. It will take the school a while to work out who the child is, surely? If neither you nor your DC know who he is, what did you do? Describe the kid? Or did you have a first name? If it's a common first name there could be several with the same name. The school might need you to identify the child before they can even contact the parents.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 14/09/2016 00:36

Well done for speaking to the school. It's easy to lose sight of the reality with posts bending over backwards to make sense of the mans behaviour. However, it's not ok. None of us would do it, so why should we make excuses for this man taking the piss big time and showing so little care for his son.

Ignore troll hunting. Mumsnet post was good I thought.

Good luck tomorrow!

MinonsMovie · 14/09/2016 07:49

It's easy to lose sight of the reality with posts bending over backwards to make sense of the mans behaviour.,,

I do agree in essence, but I think it's just so, so far removed from what most of us would do that its just baffling. It's very normal to feel empathy and try to understand the possible motivations of people's behaviour. I don't think anyone is trying to justify his choices, especially after day two.

Original poster
HollyCarrot · 14/09/2016 08:59

Got the early train today and train man appears and comes over to us. Asks me if we always try to get early train (ominous). I said yes as don't want to be late for school. He says his son told him he was late for school yesterday. Train approaches and I get up and move towards back of train and kid follows me. Told kid he had to go back up to his Dad. Hope that got the message across!

OP posts:
purplefox · 14/09/2016 09:05

Was he trying to blame you for his son being late for school?!

MinonsMovie · 14/09/2016 09:06

Grin SO so pleased you did this! You are in the right here, so let it go and enjoy your birthday. Well done, Flowers

Jackie0 · 14/09/2016 09:14

Why did you say 'yes' to his question about getting the early train?
Particularly when you knew exactly why he wanted to know.
It was the perfect opportunity to say ' why? it has nothing to do with you and I am not a chaperone for your child'.
Then everything is crystal clear. I can't help thinking that the message you are giving this man , spoken and unspoken are totally at odds with what you are intending.
I don't mean to be harsh but you really need to look out for yourself more.
If a complete stranger approaches you at a train station your first instinct should be self preservation not concern about being perceived as a nice person.

Original poster
HollyCarrot · 14/09/2016 09:15

Who knows ! Relieved it's done with anyway Grin

OP posts:
Jackie0 · 14/09/2016 09:21

Well that's good.
If it had continued any longer it would have been a nightmare to get out of.
Try not to care so much what people think though.
You remind me of a very dear friend who is beyond nice and incapable of saying no to anyone.
It kills me to see her getting taken advantage of the way she is .
I'm always asking her to put her needs first for once , so I'm probably projecting slightly.

Original poster
HollyCarrot · 14/09/2016 09:22

I'm not that nice really but do have trouble with asserting myself. Will have to work on that!

OP posts:
ThomasRichard · 14/09/2016 09:29

Shock that he told you off for making his DS late for school!

Well done OP.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 14/09/2016 09:40

Good for you. You handled that nicely.

For anxiety and people pleasing, it can be helpful to have a default answer. You know, the thing you blurt out when you are like a rabbit in the headlights. Your default seems to currently be "Um, OK", which isn't helping you.

How about these instead: "Why do you ask?" "Why?" "Why not?" "Oh that's a shame" "Oh, poor you" "Oh dear, what are you going to do about that?" "I wouldn't be comfortable with that."

If comes out nervously because you are anxious it still works. Mildly and casually is the best way though (not aggressive).

Do you always get the early train? "Why do you ask?"

My child was late for school "Oh that's a shame"

Are you going to my school? "Why do you ask?"

Can you take my child with you? "Why do you ask?"

I can't take my child to school because I have work meetings this morning "Oh dear, what are you going to do about that?"

I want you to fix my mistake "I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I hope you find a way to get it sorted. Bye."

It gives you time to think. It makes it much easier to work yourself up to saying "No" or saying "Yes" and feeling good about saying yes.

Happy birthday.

Original poster
HollyCarrot · 14/09/2016 09:56

Thanks Rabbit, will try that. My brain just seems to default to yes in these situtations.

OP posts:
MrsFarm · 14/09/2016 10:12

did he get on the train with his Son after you told him to go back to his dad? Was the dad just waiting there , i assumed he did a legger each time.

I feel really really sad for this child...being pushed and pulled and nobody really wanting to bring him to school. I;m sure if this man's wife knew what he was doing (assuming he has a wife/partner - he may be a single dad - he may be a very recent single dad and struggling to cope with this stuff) she would be livid.

90daychallenger · 14/09/2016 10:15

Happy birthday OP.

As if Mr Train Station Man gave you a PA bollocking for his kid being late Shock

What an absolute arse.

Will you let us know what happens tomorrow as well? I'm sure it's all done with now but I'm interested to see if he tries it again.