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AIBU?

To think this was nuts?

190 replies

HollyCarrot · 12/09/2016 22:04

Bringing dc to school this morning, got on train when man and his dc appears at door and asks if we're going to our school. I said we were and he says can you take my dc. Being a people pleasing fool and stunned I said yes and proceeded to take his dc on short train trip and five min walk across very busy roads to school. Am still annoyed this evening, had never spoken to the guy or his kid before, he just handed his child over to a complete and utter stranger!

OP posts:

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HollyCarrot · 16/09/2016 14:42

Mentioned it her again this morning, she said they have made a note of it.

OP posts:

Shezza71 · 16/09/2016 11:41

Could you start a friendly chat with the next parent he is dumped with on your journey, do a bot of discreet digging to find out what the situation is?

tiggytape · 16/09/2016 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ptumbi · 16/09/2016 07:30

Please do mention it to the Head again, OP. It's everyone's responsibility, even out of school.

If the child is being passed around and palmed off on strangers, it's only a matter of time...

HollyCarrot · 15/09/2016 10:16

Thanks all. I might try and nab the head in the yard tomorrow morning and mention to her. Am not sure it's her responsibility tho as it's before school. And he did seem to know the guy he gave the kid to today, think they work in the same place. So in that regard, it might be none of my business. I just think he's a cheeky prick dumping the kid with the first available parent he sees so he can get to work quicker.

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GlitteryFluff · 15/09/2016 09:55

I know you spoke to the school already when you brought him to school, have you mentioned about how the dad has now got others taking him in each day? It might be worth it. Glad you've managed to dodge that bullet but poor kid is just getting passed round now.

MissDuke · 15/09/2016 09:33

Well done op!!! Fingers crossed that this is the end of it. No matter how much you talk yourself down, it is clear you are a lovely person and he was taking advantage of that.

ofhorse · 15/09/2016 09:31

This is just bizarre... The dad clearly has no idea how out of order this is.

HollyCarrot · 15/09/2016 08:26

Morning four: kid left with a different parent who I was sitting. I think he asked him, different language

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ofhorse · 14/09/2016 23:42

Happy birthday Holly!
Well done today!
I get off at your stop every morning as i work in the offices on that road opposite the school! Dublin is too small!...

I'll look out for an assertive looking mom on my morning train journeys now - did we ever come up with the MN secret handshake?!

Topseyt · 14/09/2016 14:03

Oh, and Happy Birthday too.

Topseyt · 14/09/2016 14:02

I hope the message has now been understood by train station dad.

I am a bit that he implied you were responsible for his child being late for school. No. HE is responsible for getting his own child to school.

I appreciate that there could be plenty we cannot know about the family's background which might go some way towards shedding light on his behaviour, but even so, it still isn't your problem.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 14/09/2016 13:13

You did the right thing HollyCarrot Wed

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope you have a fab day

maras2 · 14/09/2016 12:15

I got the Irish link in the first post.Only us lot will be 'bringing' the child to school.

HollyCarrot · 14/09/2016 10:20

If he tries again I'll let you know, hope this is the end of it for me at least. Do feel sorry for the kid though, he's a lovely little guy. He got on a different carriage today with friends from his class who seem to bring him regularly.

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90daychallenger · 14/09/2016 10:15

Happy birthday OP.

As if Mr Train Station Man gave you a PA bollocking for his kid being late

What an absolute arse.

Will you let us know what happens tomorrow as well? I'm sure it's all done with now but I'm interested to see if he tries it again.

MrsFarm · 14/09/2016 10:12

did he get on the train with his Son after you told him to go back to his dad? Was the dad just waiting there , i assumed he did a legger each time.

I feel really really sad for this child...being pushed and pulled and nobody really wanting to bring him to school. I;m sure if this man's wife knew what he was doing (assuming he has a wife/partner - he may be a single dad - he may be a very recent single dad and struggling to cope with this stuff) she would be livid.

HollyCarrot · 14/09/2016 09:56

Thanks Rabbit, will try that. My brain just seems to default to yes in these situtations.

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RunRabbitRunRabbit · 14/09/2016 09:40

Good for you. You handled that nicely.

For anxiety and people pleasing, it can be helpful to have a default answer. You know, the thing you blurt out when you are like a rabbit in the headlights. Your default seems to currently be "Um, OK", which isn't helping you.

How about these instead: "Why do you ask?" "Why?" "Why not?" "Oh that's a shame" "Oh, poor you" "Oh dear, what are you going to do about that?" "I wouldn't be comfortable with that."

If comes out nervously because you are anxious it still works. Mildly and casually is the best way though (not aggressive).

Do you always get the early train? "Why do you ask?"

My child was late for school "Oh that's a shame"

Are you going to my school? "Why do you ask?"

Can you take my child with you? "Why do you ask?"

I can't take my child to school because I have work meetings this morning "Oh dear, what are you going to do about that?"

I want you to fix my mistake "I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I hope you find a way to get it sorted. Bye."

It gives you time to think. It makes it much easier to work yourself up to saying "No" or saying "Yes" and feeling good about saying yes.

Happy birthday.

ThomasRichard · 14/09/2016 09:29

that he told you off for making his DS late for school!

Well done OP.

HollyCarrot · 14/09/2016 09:22

I'm not that nice really but do have trouble with asserting myself. Will have to work on that!

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Jackie0 · 14/09/2016 09:21

Well that's good.
If it had continued any longer it would have been a nightmare to get out of.
Try not to care so much what people think though.
You remind me of a very dear friend who is beyond nice and incapable of saying no to anyone.
It kills me to see her getting taken advantage of the way she is .
I'm always asking her to put her needs first for once , so I'm probably projecting slightly.

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HollyCarrot · 14/09/2016 09:15

Who knows ! Relieved it's done with anyway

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Jackie0 · 14/09/2016 09:14

Why did you say 'yes' to his question about getting the early train?
Particularly when you knew exactly why he wanted to know.
It was the perfect opportunity to say ' why? it has nothing to do with you and I am not a chaperone for your child'.
Then everything is crystal clear. I can't help thinking that the message you are giving this man , spoken and unspoken are totally at odds with what you are intending.
I don't mean to be harsh but you really need to look out for yourself more.
If a complete stranger approaches you at a train station your first instinct should be self preservation not concern about being perceived as a nice person.

MinonsMovie · 14/09/2016 09:06

SO so pleased you did this! You are in the right here, so let it go and enjoy your birthday. Well done,

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